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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

BFP. I'm in a mess

(8 Posts)
CrockedPot Sun 14-Dec-14 22:01:06

I gave up trying to add to my family two years ago, after my 4th miscarriage in three years. I had been desperate for a third dc, but it obviously wasn't meant to be, and after much crying and wondering why, made my peace with it.

My period is late so I tested yesterday, and it is positive. I am terrified...I am almost certain I will miscarry anyway, it's just not knowing when. I am now 43 and my dc 10 and 7...it just all seems so wrong. I don't know what to do...wait to miscarry (probably) or see if I can get the pregnancy medically terminated, as that will at least give me an element of control.

I Feel like I am going mad with it all.

purplefeathers Thu 18-Dec-14 09:32:24

Are you saying that you would want the baby if you didn't miscarry naturally? Is it a miscarriage you're trying to avoid rather than a baby?

I don't know what your chances of mc are but i do know (mainly from mn!) that many people go on to have successful pgs even after recurrent miscarriages.

Do you think you'd always be wondering 'what if?' if you terminated? Or is it that you don't want any more children?

Perhaps you should make an.appt with your gp in any event. They can refer you for a termination but it all takes a wee while anyway. You'll be offered counselling (of sorts) before the termination which will give you the opportunity to talk through your concerns.

Thinking of you.

beachysandy75 Thu 18-Dec-14 16:37:35

Sounds like you are in shock. You have a bit of time to think things over before you have to make a decision. Hope you decide on the right choice for you.

ChewyGiraffe Thu 18-Dec-14 17:04:02

I've had one miscarriage and it was really hard. I can only imagine that having had 4 must have been traumatic. Purple maybe hit the nail on the head when she asked whether its a miscarriage you're trying to avoid rather than a baby. Would it help you to decide if you tried to imagine how you would you feel if you were in the second tri carrying a healthy baby? FWIW I was pretty shocked to get a BFP at 43 (with my DD, who is fab) and went on a bit of an emotional roller coaster for a while, even though we'd been trying. Maybe if you just let the news settle a while your feelings will become clearer. As beachy says, you've got some time.

CrockedPot Tue 30-Dec-14 17:51:47

Hi, thanks for replying. I miscarried, as I predicted.

I was in shock and terrified but when it happened, it wasn't so bad because I just knew I was going to, so it wasn't as devastating as the previous times. I hadn't allowed (much) hope and have come out the other side.

One things for sure, I am now able to accept that that was the end of the road for me, and will not ever have a baby again. In a way, I feel a sense of relief - I gave it five goes, it's just not meant to be, and I can now plan a different kind of future.

opalstones Tue 30-Dec-14 17:57:17

I'm so sorry to hear that Crocked thanks

Would it be insensitive of me to bring up contraception? If you feel like your family is complete, I wouldn't be ok with getting pregnant again to only go through another miscarriage.

DH would agree to a vasectomy in this case. How would yours feel?

Unless of course, a permanent solution isn't what you want yet. Don't make any decisions until you are feeling better and absolutely sure.

acharmofgoldfinches Tue 30-Dec-14 18:03:11

Very sorry to hear that CrockedPot, but as you say when you know that's almost certainly what is going to happen, it isn't as devastating as when you were hoping it would stick...we also had multiple mc so although it's not where you would have wanted to be, I completely understand what you mean about having made peace with it, and feeling somehow relieved.

I hope 2015 brings you peace and happiness flowers

CrockedPot Thu 01-Jan-15 22:48:04

Thanks, and you are so right opalstones, it is something we are going to resolve in the next few weeks. I can't go through it again, this has drawn a line that for me was permanently a potential hope.

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