Talk

Advanced search

This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Abortion (Sensitive - sorry)

(22 Posts)
StillQuiteTerrified Sat 08-Nov-14 22:21:41

Five and a half weeks ago I had an abortion.

Please don't flame me, it was a very difficult decision and I'm still angry at myself for getting into the situation.

At the time, I posted on here and I received a lot of really great support. I explained that my biggest ear was never being able to conceive again.

Now, 5 & 1/2 weeks on, I haven't had my period yet. I'm not pregnant. I'm worrying that something has gone wrong and I will now be infertile.

Has anybody who has had a termination experienced a worryingly long wait for their first period?

Another thing, I don't think about the termination constantly and I feel really guilty about that when I do think about it. I feel like it should be consuming all my thoughts and that maybe I'm not a very nice person if I can do that without it affecting my life more. It's all very strange I know and I'm so so sorry if I've offended anybody at all. Do these thoughts sound normal? Not even sure why I'm asking this bit. Sorry.

PiperIsOrangePumpkins Sat 08-Nov-14 22:26:11

It can take up to 12 weeks for periods to return to normal.

If you are not thinking about it very often it mean you have made the right choice.

StillQuiteTerrified Sat 08-Nov-14 22:28:44

Thank-you, that's such a relief. The book says 4 - 6 weeks so I'm panicking but that's good to hear.

Yeah, I feel I have made the right choice, I just wish I hadn't had to make the choice at all.

Thank-you for your reply.

PolterGoose Sat 08-Nov-14 22:29:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaLypse Sat 08-Nov-14 22:30:20

Please don't beat yourself up, you made the best choice for you in very difficult circumstances. You mustn't feel guilty about moving on, the whole point of having the termination was to enable you to move on!

StillQuiteTerrified Sat 08-Nov-14 22:35:32

It's very strange, all I wanted before I had it was for it to be over and done with and for me to forget about it and now I feel guilty every time I realise I haven't thought about it.

I feel ashamed of myself and that's ridiculous too because I would never ever think bad of anybody else's decision to terminate.

Thank-you all. Sorry for dramaticness and self-involvement.

Peaceloveandbiscuits Sat 08-Nov-14 22:56:27

Agree, whatever you're feeling is normal and fine. I didn't feel sad or guilty after my termination, which reinforced the fact that it had been the right decision for me.
For other people, feeling sad and guilty is fine and normal, too, though. It's an incredibly personal and individual experience, and no two experiences will be the same.
Take care and don't worry. Move on and enjoy your life.

DomiKatetrix Sat 08-Nov-14 23:01:10

Don't be ashamed. You made the right decision if you can forget about it and not feel guilty.

Skinheadmermaid Sat 08-Nov-14 23:16:51

I didn't feel sad or guilty at all after my termination and I didn't feel guilty for not feeling it either!
I felt a massive sense of relief.

MyBaby1day Sun 09-Nov-14 05:28:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

messyisthenewtidy Sun 09-Nov-14 05:41:29

MyBaby1day, sure you have! I bet you've done plenty of bad things in your life, especially judging by your judgypants post.

OP, pop along to your GP if you're worried. And please don't worry about not feeling guilty. It is not a black and white situation but at the end of the day every child has the right to be born into a family that wants it and has the resources to care for it.

katandkits Sun 09-Nov-14 05:50:46

What kind of person just comes on a thread like this to make the OP feel bad?

anyway, never had a termination but had two missed miscarriages where i effectively had the failed pregnancies terminated. It took approx six weeks to have a period each time. It didn't affect my ability to get pregnant and i went on to have two beautiful children. You have made the right choice for you at this time and there is no shame in not feeling guilty about that.

sashh Sun 09-Nov-14 07:29:06

I've not been in the position myself but know a couple of people who have.

You have no reason to feel guilty, but your body can take some time to get used to not being pregnant and those hormones can play havoc with your emotions. This is what I have heard and it makes complete sense to me.

No one can tell you how to feel, it is a personal thing, all feelings are. Just remember your hormones might be a bit out of kilter. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you have made the right decision for you and that is something to be proud of not guilty about.

StillQuiteTerrified Sun 09-Nov-14 08:20:48

MyBabys post has been hidden but I can't face reading it when it's unhidden.
Please could people report my thread so it gets deleted, I shouldn't have posted this sad

katandkits Sun 09-Nov-14 08:41:23

I doubt it will stay, its against talk rules. You were absolutely right to post your question, better to ask than to worry

foslady Sun 09-Nov-14 08:41:48

Sorry that someone has ruined a supportive thread for you OP.
I'm glad that you aren't overthinking what you've been through too - and agree it backs up the right decision. You are right to feel however you want to after going through this experience this is no right or wrong way to feel.

StillQuiteTerrified Sun 09-Nov-14 11:35:47

Thank-you all... Quite relieved I didn't read MyBabys post; I do realise it's an open forum and everybody has a right to their opinion but this is still difficult for me and so I'm not quite ready for criticism yet.

I did ask for the thread to be deleted but I'm pleased MNHQ decided to move it here instead. Your answers, support and advice have been helpful to me so hopefully they'll be helpful to others in similar situations.

Thank-you all again for the support and MyBaby, I am sorry if the topic/thread/content offended or upset you; it wasn't my intention.

Springheeled Sun 09-Nov-14 16:28:46

mybaby has form for posting offensively on these threads- did it on one where I was awaiting my termination. Ignore.
Fwiw, I don't think anything you are feeling is wrong or abnormal.
It took me about 7 weeks to get a period I think, maybe less. Everyone is different. Guideline times given out by clinics, online etc have to be one size fits all but age, length of pregnancy, method of termination etc etc all have a bearing on how long it will take to return to more normal cycles for you.

Thurlow Mon 10-Nov-14 17:12:10

Firstly, don't worry about the periods. As long as you have taken a pregnancy test and made sure you aren't still pregnant, then it's ok. They can take a little while to be get back to normal again. I think I did have one a few weeks later but it was really light, then waited about another 6 weeks for a proper period.

Secondly, about not thinking about it... I don't. Not much. I go through odd phases of thinking about it, when I have come on here and talked about it which has helped an enormous amount. But in general I am very happy with my decision, it was the right thing for me to do. I understand what you mean about not feeling utterly torn up and awful about it. I also felt a lot worse about having been in the situation and having had to make a choice, than I did about the choice I made.

Stay on here and chat all you want. This board has been made to support people who are going through or have been through this situation, and (barring the odd person too idiotic to read the disclaimer at the top) it's hopefully a very friendly and supportive place.

StillQuiteTerrified Mon 10-Nov-14 19:05:17

Thanks.

The period thing is worrying because once I have a period, I'll feel less panicky about being infertile. Perhaps silly. And also because I think it's sort of the end. It's properly final. Hard to explain.

I saw a baby today and I did think "what if...", "maybe it could've been ok" but realistically, it wasn't what I wanted at that time with that person. I hate that I had to make that choice though. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. I just really really hope I get the chance to conceive again in the future, that will be the only time I'll regret my choice I think; if I don't.

PolterGoose Mon 10-Nov-14 19:24:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachOwl Tue 11-Nov-14 10:47:41

When I had my termination it took quite a long time for my next period. I think it was about 8-9 weeks and they were quite erratic for some time (i have PCOS though so erratic and long gaps are fairly normal for me) and my gp reassured me that it's quite common to I've erratic periods due to the hormones.

Please don't be put off posting by idiots. This is a safe space to talk about terminations and all the feelings around them and we are here to support you.

If you don't feel guilty and aren't thinking about the termination all the time that is a good thing. I was very upset and guilty after mine but some amazing counseling means I rarely think about it now and don't feel guilty or upset. I'm sad I had to choose and sad I couldn't go through with the pregnancy but very glad I was able to make the choice and cansupport other women in that situation too. You made the best choice for you at the time and you should never (not now or in the future) feel ashamed or guilty for that. flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now