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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

(864 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

mrsbigz Sat 14-May-11 22:54:53

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.
And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

mrsbigz Sat 14-May-11 22:56:22

hello!!? hoping you ladies find this? was waiting for someone else to start new thread but i got impatient! hope you are all having a nice weekend? hands up if you're watching the eurovision!!?

linspins Sat 14-May-11 23:00:51

Mrsbigz, I do like your intro. Very welcoming and homely.

MyangelAva Sat 14-May-11 23:02:46

Me too, thanks mrsbigz really lovely xx

flower11 Sun 15-May-11 02:25:03

Mrsbigz thanks for the new thread xxx

And just for the record, I own a gorgeous kitten, but i'm not a teacher, work for the nhs.

AF turned up today, so as well as being tired im now grumpy and irritable. Everyone sat shopping seemed to be pushing a buggy or stroking a bump, got all tearfull in the cafe thinking it should be me, and it should be me by now. Any way enough winging.

love to everyone xx

cremegg Sun 15-May-11 07:26:06

Hello! I found it, yay! Great job mrsb, it's lovely. What happened in eurovision?! Xx

cremegg Sun 15-May-11 07:28:31

Sorry flower, hope ur feeling better? Me and dh go to a great market every Sunday morn, but it is blooming baby and pram central, I always get that jumpin stomach feeling when I see the buggy we ordered or a bump so know what u mean xx

blacktreaclecat Sun 15-May-11 08:32:37

Hi, lovely intro.
Flower sorry af arrived. I feel the same about bumps and prams, I can't look at them it is awful. I work with the public in healthcare so see lots of them. I can no longer congratulate people or show any interest in their babies or pgs.
Picked up our new 8 week old black kitten yesterday, he is very cute but I'm worried about my princess puss.
Any tips on how to help them integrate gratefully received.
Stunned how are you feeling love?

EggletinaClock Sun 15-May-11 08:32:52

Hurrah for nice new thread! Thanks mrsbigz. Shame we all did our stories at the very end of the last one.

stunned hope you're ok and that you find us.

flower and cremegg hope you're both ok. The world does seem full of babies and pregnant women. I always try to remind myself that you don't know what they've been through to get there (but hey, sometimes you just know they've not been through any of this horror and why should you have to?) Try to think positive though.

myangelava at least the right team won.

misty hope you're having a good weekend.

I have now gone two whole days without crying and the bleeding has stopped for now. All this coincided with starting the penicillin so I'm sure that the uterus infection was causing the bleeding to continue. I think I probably had an extra week of bleeding because they couldn't diagnose the infection. UTI has gone so that's ok too and because I don't feel like a physical wreck I feel much stronger mentally.

Was on the phone to another friend for 2.5 hours last night. Haven't spoken to him in a while but he's another mental health person (we used to work together) and it was really nice, positive and supportive. Interestingly, he was saying that where he works they are not sending people to counselling immediately after a traumatic event, as a negative reaction is totally normal and even helpful in the recovery process, but should the sadness persist beyond what is considered proportionate then they refer. We had a long talk about how you judge this when it's all so personal. He is concerned I'm seeing a counsellor too soon, whereas I'm treating it as somewhere to go to get support in dealing with meeting people in the street and to help me manage the horrible anxiety I have about the future. Was interesting to consider why I am going though.

Anyway, I'm hoping for a third good day in a row.

Hope you're all ok. X

mrsbigz Sun 15-May-11 11:14:51

egglet yes you're right it is a shame we did our stories then. maybe we coud copy and repost onto this thread? I'm glad that your bleeding has finally stopped, and you're feeling a bit better physically and emotionally. sounds like you had a good chat with your friend last night. hoping you have another good day today - do you have any plans?

flower i'm sorry that AF turned up <hugs> and sorry you had a teadful moment in the cafe. of course it is only natural to get upset, and i agree with egglet i also 'try' to remember that i don't know what journey other women have been through to get pg - but sometimes that just falls flat and i still think 'why me'. i think that's about 4 of us now starting a new cycle - let's hope there's something in the numbers that is positive for all of us!

cremegg didn't really watch the eurovision, although kept flicking over near the end to see how near to the bottom the UK ended up!!! better than last years result, but that wasn't really difficult at all!

misty hello hun, was absolutely LOVELY to meet you yesterday - you've made a friend in DH as he spied the cake when he got back home from work wink. now we know how close we live we'll definitely have to meet up again soon. has also given me a boost to try and get all of us ladies together sometime soon. how about we go for a date (Sat or Sun) in July?

stunned i'm hoping that you're ok and are getting lots of love and care from those around you in RL. just know that we are here for you when you are ready to come back xxxx

cinnamon and myangelava hope you're having a nice weekend?

cherry hope things are all okay with you too?

speak soon ladies xxxx

Cinnamondog Sun 15-May-11 12:50:08

Hey there!

Firstly, well done mrsbigz, such a lovely introduction to our thread, sums it up to a tee I'd say!

Afraid I did the Eurovision as I always do, it's like a ritual in my house. Though disappointingly low camp/ ramdon count, so wasn't as amusing as usual. Think possibly may be the fact I'm normally a bit 3 sheets to the wind when I watch it that makes it seem funnier.....still, loved the crazy garden gnomes with the unicycling pixie, (Moldova I think!). Do you get Eurovision in Oz cremegg? Needless to say, we didn't win!

That flipping Auntie Flo, think she'll be leaving flower's to come to mine later in the week, free loading old cow that she is. Auntie Flo I mean, not flower!!!

Love the fact blacktreaclecat now has a black cat! Please don't cover him in treacle!

egglet, glad your infections have gone away, or are going. Mine is still here, as bad as before. I'm now on another batch of AB's for 2 weeks at 3 doses a day instead of the regular 2. They just don't seem to be making any difference what so ever. Making me feel really down now, plus I have so much on this week I have no chance to really do what I need to do, which is lie in bed 24 hours a day till it goes away. Bugger, again. Trying to keep positive as I'm being told that to be depressed about things actually supresses the immune system, but it's very, very hard.

mrsbigz and misty, sooo jealous that you guys got to meet up, especially as it was round my old neck of the woods. Was it weird? (in a good way!). I have really clear ideas of what I think you guys look like, etc. Definitely count me in for a Sat or Sun in July, except the weekend of the 2nd of course! Think it was mrsbigz who had a meeting in King's Norton the other day? Used to date a guy in King's Norton, pretty as a picture but thick as hell, bless 'im!

Guess myangelAva is still recovering from the celebrations. Know my old man is happy, he's a Man U fan, (I know, I know, I'm sorry, but he was born in Manchester, so that's a rarity with Man U fans isn't it? I'm a Bolton fan; the Lancashire thing, but also my maiden name was Bolton. I used to love going to matches and having 15,000 people chanting, 'we love you Bolton, we do, oh Bolton, we love you'. What a big head!).

Can't remember if I ever said, but I used to be a teacher, specialised in SEN but as I worked in a crappy comp that meant dealing with classes of 20 hormonal 15 year old boys with ADHD and ODD rather than the autistic kids I was trained for! Didn't stay long, needless to say. There is only so much being threatened with physical violence and having to stop people throwing themselves out of windows that a lass can deal with! Then went on to work in social services, which I loved, hope I can find a similar job here someday!

cherry and lispins - hello, <waves>! Hope you've had good weekends?

stunned, still thinking of you and hope you are okay.

Wooo! What an epic! Been a weird old weekend here. On top of the feeling like poo, OH got a call from ex on Friday day to say her mum back in SA had fallen down the stairs and died of a massive haemorrhage. Had to tell the the eldest 2 boys when they got home from school, lots of tears and just felt so sorry for them, but luckily they seem fine now. Spent an hour or so talking to them, being very honest and giving lots of hugs. And, this may seem really odd, but I got in touch with evil ex. Only by text but really wanted to say how sorry I was; no matter how horrible a person is, no one deserves to lose their mum. Ended up with her telling me I am the best thing that has ever happened to my OH and the boys, and thanking me for being a brilliant mum to her kids. Was a bit uncomfortable to be honest, think she was angling for me to say she was a brilliant mum too etc., but still am glad that I was able to tell her that no matter what has happened, some things are more important than petty arguements. Maybe she'll hate me a bit less now, ha ha!

Right, now I have taken over this entire thread (!!), shall go and take some pain killers and try to track down some chocolate, (purely medicinal you understand!),

Lots of huge hugs to everyone and have a smashing Sunday please!


MyangelAva Sun 15-May-11 16:29:32

What a lovely Sat- my family are man utd fans cinnamon and I married a city fan ('tWas like Romeo & Juliet!!) and so everyone is happy! For a day at least!! We had a roast and a fair amount of red wine and chocolate, so fun was had by all... until DS woke us up at 4am!! Think he just wanted a cuddle!

Anyway, I'm sorry about your shopping trip flower and I hope you're feeling a bit more positive today. I'm the same with bumps and buggies although I feel like I'm getting a bit more resiliant to it- as I (stupidly) told my counsellor, "I no longer feel like running off in floods of tears & throwing myself under the nearest bus!" I thought it was a funny quip but then had to explain for about 10 mins that I've never felt like throwing myself under a bus!! Must engage brain!! Also hope that egglet's winning streak
is continuing and that you are having a fab (if not rainy!) Sunday!! Interesting what you were saying about counsellors.

Sorry that your weekend has been so eventful cinnamon and obv sorry for your boys. That mustn't have been an easy conversation. Sounds like you made a mini break through with the ex though! your bravery was obv rewarded! I used to teach in a comp high school until DS was born but it was quite a nice school really, I was lucky! 2 cats though!

blacktreaclecat good luck with integration! I think girl cats are a bit more accepting of boy cats! Hope they're getting along!

Hello to cremegg, misty & mrsbigz!! The wait for AF tomorrow is killing me! I'm trying not to waste a test as I'm pretty sure she's on her way, but there's always some hope til she arrives!


EggletinaClock Sun 15-May-11 20:16:22

Hi all, another ok day here but I've got a bit of bleeding back and feel a bit period-like in a way I can't quite describe. I just don't know what's going on. Got the GP tomorrow so I'll see what he thinks.

cinnamon that sounds like a difficult encounter but you obviously handled it with grace.

myangelava do not encourage these health professionals with suicide quips. They are obsessed as it is, or maybe I just look particularly suicidal!

Just calling in briefly as my daughter won't settle tonight.

Cherrybug Sun 15-May-11 21:32:31

Just popping in quickly to say hello to all and mark the new thread (thanks mrsbigz). Hope everyone is doing ok.

Cinnamon, boo to your rotten kidney infection. I had a really bad one years ago and I won't ever forget how ill I felt. Hope the anti b's kick it into touch.

Flower, sorry to hear it's been tough, seeing babies and bumps everywhere isn't easy. I hope your turn comes very soon indeed. Hope wee kitty is settling in and you're enjoying the new addition to your home.

Myangelava, hoping AF doesn't arrive this month, fingers crossed.

Hi to everyone else, I'd write more personals but on
my phone and it's taking me ages! Plus have home made pizzas in the oven and I'm starving!

Love to all, Cherry x

StunnedAndShocked Sun 15-May-11 22:35:38

hiya everyone
Just quick one to say you can't hide from me in new thread....
All ok here so far - little bleeding but ok ish
Will catch up better later in week & then say proper hello then
X x

MyangelAva Sun 15-May-11 22:50:17

Egglet I have learnt my lesson- her eyes lit up like she had just got me to admit something in cross examination as seen in US legal dramas. If I could have sucked the words back in I would have! Instantly! Glad you're not doing too bad today and good luck at the drs tomorrow.

Thanks cherry, am braced for her coming and have my thermometer by the bed tonight to start temping (as persuaded by misty and the fertility friend gang!)

Hello stunned, 'nice' to have you back with us, and I'm glad you're doing ok, although I'm sorry you're joining us and that you appeared to have not had the easiest of times in hospital. My little one also had Edwards (diagnosed and top at 26 weeks)- big love to you xxx

Goodnight all and here's to a happy Monday xx

flower11 Mon 16-May-11 03:34:59

Egglet glad you are feeling better, Cinamon hope you feel better soon and the anti b's start working.

Mrsbigz it does seem that AF has chosen to visit a fair few of us at the same time.

treacle cat, glad you have got a new addition. Moses is 8 weeks old too, they are so cute at that age, into everything. Moses seems to have hubby wrapped round his little paw, turns out he has been giving him extra food at night while im at work, giving into his looking at empty bowl meewing( he has dried food, choosing not to eat it). Hubby said well hes so small and new. Bless him!

Stunned glad you are doing ok, hope you are getting lots of rest and support in rl.

Anyway I must do some work......

blacktreaclecat Mon 16-May-11 06:39:50

Treacle our 1 yr old black cat is being such a good girl, she just wants to mother Denzel the kitten. He won't stay still to be licked! They are a great distraction- instead of worrying about nappies, litter training!
Not sure I like the name Denzel- he came with it, what do you think? Moses is a great name.
Stunned glad you are home and the worst is over. Pamper yourself now. It will get easier day by day although at this stage that is difficult to believe. X
Love to all xx

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 08:33:15

Hello girls xx

XXXGoodluck and good vibes to the new thread and all who sail in her! XXXX

mrsbigz it WAS lovely to meet you! Coffee and cake and a good chin wag is always a tonic. And yes (cant remember who asked) it was weird in a way because now i've got 2 mrsbigz's in my head! The real one AND my imaginary one confused. My head's going to be very crowded if we all get to meet

My weekend - well, I'm a bit shell shocked at the mo. Sat afternoon my AF suddenly got so heavy i thought i was going to loose a major organ. (Warning, BTW, reading this may get messy ....) and Saturday night i had to get up FOUR TIMES looking like a victim from the Texas Chainsaw Masacre. Thats using super duper tampons. And trying to lay still. Sunday at inlaws in London was managable as i went to their loo EVERY hour on the dot. (Wore 3 pads just in case - didnt want an accident on their sofa - i was sure i rustled when i walked! ha ha. OH said he couldnt hear it tho'.) Once home yesterday eve. i thought - "surely there cant be much more up there" (sorry about this ladies - just got to share this) Last night - same/worse than the one b4!!!!!! Plus cramps.

To put this in context - i usualy bleed for 4 days tops. 2nd day is heaviest and is never anywhere near what i'm having now. sad What is this?
The only other time i've bled like this is when i had (i recon) a mc at 4 weeks. That was 3 months b4 i fell preg. in January. Could i have caught this time and built up a big linning - but am now loosing it? Or is this just 'first AF after termination' syndrome?

So sorry for not being more jolly and chatty - i just feel like a shriveled prune at the mo. I've more than got over the fact AF has come ..... just worried because i would actualy like to have some blood left in me after she's left!!! I have read everyones posts carefully - isnt it funny how so many of us are at the same pont in our cycles give or take 5 days...

Fingers crossed flower. And love to everyone xxx

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 08:47:54

Oh - was just thinking about our stories being on the old thread! (My fault that one blush) Copy and paste anything you like of mine mrsbigz. I think it would be nice if our stories were here too. If it helps heres mine again:

Three healthy children, but had a termination in early April after CVS showed DS plus heart problems (still waiting for full report) sad Trying again with gusto!

Cherrybug Mon 16-May-11 11:00:36

Very quick post to say to Misty - I was warned that my first period after could be much heavier than normal. As it happened for me it was actually much lighter (so I worried about that instead!) but I do know that many other women have had much heavier first periods and it seems that this is normal. Perhaps if the bad cramps continue you should get checked out but try not to worry too much.

Hi to everyone else!

EggletinaClock Mon 16-May-11 13:39:24

Another quick post to say that sounds rotten misty (I've forked out to subscribe to ff and I think / hope I've just made you a friend).

Cinnamondog Mon 16-May-11 13:46:27

Hi guys,

Will update you on my you-couldn't-write-this-sh*t life in a minute, just wanted to do a few personals.

misty, I second what cherry says, my first visit fom the Flo monster was seriously heavy and lasted 7 days, when I am usually a 4 day girl. Had to use super duper pads and tampons, (nice!) and many bathroom trips. Hope that puts your mind at ease honey xxxxx

stunned glad you found us, and gald you seem to still have a good sense of humour. Take it easy on yourself for the next few days; you been through a terrible time made worse by some appalling incompetence, (sorry, still cross on your behalf!) so don't expect too much of yourself, big hugs xxxx

myangelAva/ egglet, they do really seem to love the idea we may be women on the verge of a nervous breakdown, don't they? If only they were so attentive to things like arranging our 6 week check ups, or making sure our records were updated, ummm?? The buggers. Big hugs both, (and for what it's worth I think you are both, as are all of us, coping bloody well!) xxxx

All the other lovely ladies, higs and a <wave>; hope your Monday is going well.

So, the cinnamondog rollercoaster ride of doom continues.... Firstly DSS1 spoke to his damn mother yesterday and in 10 minutes she managed to undo everything me and OH has managed to do Friday night with regard to granny passing away. He was in tears for an hour, saying he wasn't going to go to school and that he knew if he did he'd lose his temper and hit people, etc, etc. Also going on about his grandad, (her parents are divorced and she doesn't get on with dad for reasons I won't go into), how he's a bad person, won't even call him grandad anymore, just refers to him by his name. So she's done a plum job on him again and we are left to pick up the pieces. Though this is the woman who has threatened to commit suicide via facebook and phone calls to DSS1, (who is 15 btw), all because her boyfriend broke up with her. She is a completely selfish person. I just hope he doesn't get too damaged by this. Forget my olive branch of last week; feel like shoving it up her a*se.

Then last night, DS3, (Little man with ASD), kept crying in his sleep. The 3rd time I went in to settle him at 1.30am, I stood up, slowly because my kindey won't allow swift movement, then passed out. Fell really badly against a wooden unit, bashed my spine and back just where my kidneys are (great!), and hurt my arm. OH wanted to call an ambulance, really worried him but I managed to limp back to bed, (lots of tears and shaking from shock). Of course, completely buggered up little man who then stayed awake till 5am alternately crying and laughing. Final straw at 5 when he came out of his room and started whizzing round the landing. OH lost it and shouted, some tears then he fell asleep, (DS not OH!).

So been to the doctor and she reckons it's complete exhaustion, my body basically stopping me because I won't stop myself. Blood pressure etc alright so that's something. Have been told to take it easy, (ha ha, yeah right!). Have a lovely big bruise on my back, another coming up on my arm and feel like I've been run over. I told you! You couldn't make this sh*t up!

Oh ladies, when is our luck going to change? Can someone BFP and cheer me up please?

Going to go lick my wounds, grumble grumble....Big hugs xxxx

mrsbigz Mon 16-May-11 14:32:28

misty im' sorry to hear about AF being the witch she is. like the others have said if it's any consolation this one (my first after) was much heavier (and clottier, sorry TMI) than usual. it lasted 5 days and the 3 middle days were V heavy indeed, with a little respite yesterday. seems today she has disappeared but i'm not holding my breath (more like clutching a tampon waiting for her to catch me out!!). i didn't get any more cramping than usual, but boy oh boy - i usually suffer from backache around AF, and this time it has been horrendous. feels like someone has punched me continuously in the back (though having now read Cinnamons update i think in comparison i'm doing ok - will catch up with you shortly).
Yes - whoever asked it was very strange (in a nice way) meeting up with Misty - i think we both agreed at the beginning how (if it were just the usual kind of internet 'date') there is no way we'd have met. i've never before met anyone i've spoken to online btw! but it was SO nice to meet and have a chat. and Misty looks nothing like i imagined her to be either, so i too have 2x images now!!!
glad yesterday went ok hun, apart from the hourly visits to the toilet!

cinnamon - oh my goodness you poor thing. i wish i could give the 'ex' a piece of my mind too - those poor boys. all i can say is thank goodness they have you and dh there to pick up the pieces....though as you rightly say, there shouldn't be any pieces to pick up in the first place!! and you - passing out? firstly i'm glad that you're ok (other than the obvious bruising) - maybe you 'do' need to take it as a sign to try and take it a little easier. comes back to other people a lot of the time though too doesn't it - if certain people didn't go out of their way to make your life as hard as possible, then you wouldn't be running around trying to fill in and smooth over other peoples mistakes. ggrrr - i'm so angry for you! i will attempt to make you a whole tray of virtual shortbread (can you smell the burning yet!!) and will deliver it myself with a virtual hot cuppa. sending you lots of love and hope your back isn't too bruised for too long xxx

stunned i'm so glad you found your way to this new thread....i have been meaning to respond to your other thread but got completely sidetracked yesterday so many apologies for that. i'm glad that you are back home and the 'worst' part is now over. this next part (well i found anyway) is the tricky and uncertain part. i felt a huge sense of peace and relief once Eve was born, mainly because the waiting was now over. but that soon was replaced by a rollercoaster emtional ride, which i'm still on but which is becoming less bumpy as time goes on. please remember to 'use' us all if you ever need to vent, cry, shout or just be safe in the knowledge that there are others who have gone through what you are experiencing. no feelings are wrong or right, and no one feels the same from one day to the next. to pick up a massive cliche, time IS a great healer and hopefully we can help your healing too xx

egglet hope your daughter settled ok last night in the end. what time is your gp appointment today (or have you already been?) - hope they can put your mind at rest. also hope that the bleeding settles down for you again soon. re: FF - yay for another charting buddy and a chart to obsess over. the link to the page Misty and I were using is here

cherry (i always want to write 'cheery' when i type your name!!) - hope you enjoyed your pizza last night - got my tummy rumbling when i read that!! saying that i was sat with a huge chunk of gorgonzola....may as well indulge while i can!

blacktreacle hope that 'denzil' (is it still denzil) is settling in well still?

bluecat not seen you for a while, hope all is well xx

cremegg hope all well with you too

thinks that's everyone but apologies to anyone i've missed. should be working blush so being discreet!!!

will catch up again later xxx

MyangelAva Mon 16-May-11 14:45:16

Oh cinnamon, you poor thing! No, you could make it up! You really need a break and a bit of tlc- although I can't imagine you get much 'rest time' with 3 boys! Sounds like a very nasty fall, big hugs to you..... It HAS to get better soon!!

Also, misty, the first period I had after TOP was also horrendous. I ditched the tampax as it did nothing and had to go for maternity pads, which had to be changed really often. Try to eat lots of red meat/ leafy green veg & pulses etc to keep your iron levels up (I looked like a vampire after a couple of days!) and try not to worry too much, unless there are huge clots, etc. I think it's normal if there's just loads of blood.

Anyway, on that cheery note I'll be off and check in with you guys later as DS will be awake any minute now!! Xx

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