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(35 Posts)
starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 11:06:06


Obviously it is down to a lot of things.... being ready, work, health, whether it works or not.... etc. but I was wondering:
When is the BEST TIME to have a 2. child?

My daughter is now 10 month and I think it could be nice for her to have a sibling soon.

What is your opinion?

JoinTheDots Tue 16-Jul-13 11:09:49

I waited. DD will be 3 when number 2 arrives next year (if all goes well with the pregnancy that is) and doing 4 mornings at pre-school, starting Primary in Sept 2014.

I wanted to be able to give more time to a new born than I could have if DD was younger. I appreciate that they will not be into the same things as much as they would have if they were closer in age, but I hope I will be able to cope better than I would have when DD was smaller!

DD was not a good sleeper when she was a little one, so I needed a little bit of time to get my sanity back before embarking on another 2 years of zombie like existence.

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 12:14:56

For mums with a toddler and a baby: Does it work???? Is it very complicated? How do you handle it? Do you need a twin pushchair?

AnotherStitchInTime Tue 16-Jul-13 12:25:12

I have a 2 year, 9 month gap between dd1 and dd2. It was a good gap. Dd1 was sleeping through, potty trained, understood everything, helped by fetching stuff (great after my EMCS) and loved her little sister. I only needed a single buggy, a sling and a buggy board.

I am pregnant again (unsure of due date), but estimate a 2 year gap this time. It will be harder as dd2 will be in the middle of potty training. I am hoping to get away with the single buggy, sling and buggy board combo again as dd2 is quite advanced being number 2 and will probably be walking a fair distance by the time this one is due.

Get a stretchy wrap sling, best thing I did. I could breast feed whilst helping dd1 on the climbing frame, whilst hoovering, doing the washing up and wiping dd1's bottom!

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 12:31:50

WOW. Beastfeeding whilst hoovering? I hardly managed to open the door for the cleaning lady..... Next time around I am craving for even more help.... /emo/te/9.gif

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 12:33:36

I would love them to be close together but really getting afraid of the idea when I read how well other mums can handle the situation....

AnotherStitchInTime Tue 16-Jul-13 13:18:26

When needs must starchild you find ways to manage. It is not a walk in the park by any means, but you can do it. I had six weeks after dd2's birth when I couldn't lift anything heavier than her, you find work arounds.

Less than a two year gap would mean that you really have two babies on your hands as a child under two is still quite little development wise and needs their mummy to a higher degree.

Two years gap upwards is more doable, they are more verbal, more independent, but potty training is not always easy. If you have a newborn and a toddler it can be a juggling act anyway, putting crying baby down to deal with wiping/accidents etc...

Things that have helped me were a sling/baby carrier, a playpen, a good mobile for the cot and good bouncy chair/highchair toys. You need places you can put the baby safely to leave the room if the toddler is there (they are not all kind to the new addition), you need to be able to cage/strap a roving baby down for short periods in order to get things done, especially if baby number two is a climber like my dd2.

Locketjuice Tue 16-Jul-13 13:20:52

I'm due in 4 weeks with baby no.2 and ds1 will be 18 months smile

Smilehappy Tue 16-Jul-13 13:51:25

I waited - my DS is 4yo and I'm due in November, nice little gap and it will be cheaper for childcare when I go back to work as he will be starting school! :-) at the moment we pay over £200 per week for him at CM and couldn't cope with that for 2 children! He's at an age where he can please himself so he won't be feeling left out etc smile

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 14:23:44

LOCKETJUICE. That is very early. :-) So you got pregnant whilst baby1 is 9 month. I am nowwhere near that but maybe after a relaxing summer, closer towards Christmas when dd1 is 18 month. I could start contemplating...

Alanna1 Tue 16-Jul-13 14:29:25

I have an 18m gap. It was tough. Is tough. But the first 12 months are nearly done, it got much easier after the first 3 months. And I see no jealousy issues at all yet (famous last words!) and am hoping for very shared interests throughout the kiddie years.

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 14:46:45

Hi Alanna1. Sounds good.Shared interest: does that work with boy/girl or better both same sex?

MirandaWest Tue 16-Jul-13 14:48:35

I have a 22 month gap between DS and DD. I found it fine tbh - I could still remember how to do the baby things and DS didn't really notice DD was there. They're 9 and 7 now and do get on v well although they'd never admit it

NomDeClavier Tue 16-Jul-13 14:52:22

I couldn't contemplate it before 18months, only really ready just before DS turned 2. I'm only 17wks but I can already see how if I'd had the baby already even with DS at this stage it would have been tough, but he's changing at such a rate it should be easier. Should, I say.

SummerMyArse Tue 16-Jul-13 15:03:50

I would have liked a 2 year gap ideally.

But DS was a tricky baby (reflux until 18 months old! so bad sleeper etc.) and I didn't even begin to feel like being pregnant again until he was 20 months (had a bad pregnancy too).

Also , I get severe migraines, triggered by stress and lack of consultant told asked me to not have 2 too close because of the effect it would have on my physical wellbeing.

That said, DS is 21 months, and we're starting TTC next month and hoping I'll get pregnant quickly.

I always though a 2 year gap was the "perfect" gap so am reassured by stories of bigger gaps being good!

Sleepthief Tue 16-Jul-13 15:04:46

I've got a 4y 8m gap between DS1 and DS2 and 21m between DS2 and DS3. Although I had hoped for a smaller gap between the first two (the best laid plans and all that), I found it by far the easiest as DS1 was much more independent and about to start school. DS2 was only really a baby himself when He became a big brother and things were pretty tough for the first 18m. But we survived grin as you do. Do much so that all being well, DS3 will be 2y 11m when DC4 joins us in January shock smile

starchildmum Tue 16-Jul-13 16:02:54

Sleeepthief. Goshn 4. I guess than it really does not matter any more which gap where :-) Good luck for January.

Razzdazz Tue 16-Jul-13 19:40:12

I had 21 months between ds1 and dd1, even toilet trained ds the week dd was born lol. I found it fairly easy to be honest. Ds2 arrived giving me a 9yr gap, just the way it happened. I have found the larger gap much more difficult mainly due to all of the activities that I still had to run the older ones to and the fact that they are unable to enjoy the same things. I am now due to have dd2 in 7 weeks or so and will have a 17 month gap. Pregnancy wasn't planned and I do feel sorry that ds2 is still such a baby and not expecting to find it quite so easy this time lol

crazyhead Tue 16-Jul-13 21:33:05

I am pg now and will have a 23 month gap. For me, regardless of challenges (there are a couple of similar gaps in my family so I'm sort of prepared) I wanted two children but I'd rather do 'baby stages' 'little children stages' and so forth all in one go, I don't know if I'd find it easy to go back to the newborn stage when I had a five year old and at least got some sleep back!

However I am a) a bit old b) no ubermummy.

starchildmum Wed 17-Jul-13 12:06:02

Sounds as if a 2 year gap works out well.... I agree with crazy head. Maybe doing baby stage, little children stage, primary school stage etc. in one go seems a good plan.
My daughter is only 10 month ( born September 2012) and now its July. I hated to be really pregnant last summer as I had a difficult pregnancy and had to stay her all the time. My due date was beginning of September and I could not travel anywhere.

So I wont start trying before December and hopefully will achieve a September ++ baby which gives me one more chilled out summer abroad before the next one. Normally we go on holiday during the summer and enjoy the Mediterranean sun. Sounds mad but the first couple of weeks are so tiering with a baby that a bit of relaxing time with husband and DD1 before the birth is important to me.

And then again, you can never really plan it and whenever I will get pregnant I will be very happy.

nannyl Wed 17-Jul-13 13:12:52

my gap is 21.5m

(i have a 2w old and a 22m old)

tbh so far its fine, we are starting potty training tomorrow... she has been ready since i was 32w pg if not before....

having nannied for several age gaps, my opinion is the closer they are the better, but the closer they are the harder it is to start with but it gets easier quicker

starchildmum Wed 17-Jul-13 20:30:49

hi nanny. So is 2 years close or would 1.5 y be better?

starchildmum Wed 17-Jul-13 20:37:21

Also... why did you not start potty-training when you where 32 weeks pregnant? Maybe I am missing something obvious but can`t work out why its not possible during the last weeks of pregnancy... Or is it just time-consuming and needs a lot of dedication?

Locketjuice Thu 18-Jul-13 14:43:18

Also my SIL has a 11 month age gap she said it can be hard but would do it again smile

AlfieBear87 Thu 18-Jul-13 14:53:42

I have a 16 month gap between my 2 boys.

I found it harder being heavily pregnant with a toddler than having a newborn and a toddler.

BUT I may be biased as DH was away for 4 months of my pregnancy and (so far) DS2 is a really easy baby.

DS1 is now 20mo and DS2 is now 4mo and apart from the odd day here and there its pretty plain sailing. I'm loving it!

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