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He doesn't get it!

(19 Posts)
colditz Thu 18-Aug-05 00:04:14

I am 7 weeks pg and I am shattered sometimes. I can go from being fine one minute to utterly exhausted the next. I am finding it hard work to get up at 9 ish in the am, do house work with ds in tow, walk into town(we don't have a car)with ds in tow, do shopping, carry shopping back, do lunch for me and active 2 yo ds, then try to fit in some quality time until.....

3 pm, daddy comes home from work, and I go to work as a care assistant until 9 pm. Then I come home, put ds to bed and flake.

He moans! He moans if I won't go into town for him, or make him cups of tea!

Needless to say, I tell him to shove it up his arse, but why does he not understand how tired I am? People who are putting it on do not fall asleep in the middle of Asda!

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 18-Aug-05 00:05:48

Thats men hun! If only they could walk in our shoes for a day or two!

ALthough saying that, my DH is good, sent me off to bed twice today and wouldnt take no for an answer!

colditz Thu 18-Aug-05 00:10:56

I find that screetching "I am too tired not to murder you!" gets my point across.

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 18-Aug-05 00:12:42

yep - works wonders.... my fave saying at the moment is .... "can you just do this for me.... im too tired"

dyzzidi Thu 18-Aug-05 08:40:29

My DP isn't so bad he is ok with the fact I go to bed around 9.30. I am working 8 - 6 at present and have no energy for anything I'm 20 wks this week.

Although there was a huge row on sunday as I am having lots of pain when I turn over in bed (Sacro something) He woke me up at 4.00 to tell me My whimpering was keeping him awake and could i go to sleep in the other room. I let loose a string of abuse so bad I don't think He will every wake me again.

When my mum was talking to him about me needing a bit of extra help he honestly said he doesn't see why as i am past 3 month danger mark and am not even showing yet so how tiring can it be. I do admire his honesty but also find him infuriating. I think it is just men in general they do not understand things.

beatie Thu 18-Aug-05 08:56:48

When I was pregnant with DD 3 years ago, I read a quote out of a pregnancy book to help my husband understand how tired I was.

The book said something like "a pregnant woman's body is working as hard as if she were climbing a mountain"

After that I got no complaints!

moondog Thu 18-Aug-05 09:01:16

Even the nicest man in the world will never understand.
Having two children has aged and knackered me more than I ever thought possible (probably exacerbated by the fact that I've done most of the pgs,one birth and the childcare alone (he works abroad.)

In fact,I'm so knackered,that I'm actually looking forward to an operation on my varicose veins at Christmas that will involve an overnight stay in a BUPA hospital!
How bloody pathetic is that??!!

Bozza Thu 18-Aug-05 09:07:59

Think you really need to explain to him how tired you are - I mean probably you will not be as bad in a few weeks. I know that when I was pregnant with DS (first baby) I used to come home from work and go to bed for an hour before getting up making a meal, eating and going back to bed leaving DH with the pots.

But when I had DD it was so much harder because I had DS plus a twice as big house to maintain. I used to get in the bath with DS at 7 and then that was the end of the day for me. But on the other days I used to end up spending a lot of time laying on the settee reading stories to DS - try that for your quality time.

I think your DH could do some of the shopping for you at least. And do the bare minimum in terms of housework and cooking - jacket potatoes and cheese, stuff like that until you start feeling slightly less tired.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 18-Aug-05 09:08:23

I think it's simply the fact that your so early in your pregnancy. For men who will never ever have to put their bodies through something like this they will never fully understand. Your Dp, will probably treat you like a queen once you start to show and the reality of the pregnancy finally hit's home for the daddy to be.
Having said that I was so tired when pg with dd1 (and this was before I discovered I was actually pg), I used to fall asleep at my desk at work at 11am (work started at 10). Luckily my boss is the worlds most understanding bloke ever.
Perhaps you could take your dp with you to your next midwife appointment and pointedly ask about the tiredness, if you have ta medical professional backing you up maybe your dp will fetch you cups of tea.....

sweetkitty Thu 18-Aug-05 09:36:44

MEN! Don't think they understand as you look the same on the outside I notice I get more sympathy once the bump appears. It's a rotten time the first few weeks, just keep focusing on the fact it will pass soon. I think I feel more tired this time looking after a one year old than when I worked full time and commuted 2 hours a day into London.

My DP on the whole is quite good but if I moan about my aches and pains (I have sacro iliac pain too which feels like theres a rod up my bum and my hips are coming apart) I get a look!

At the weekend tell him your having a duvet day and let him get on with your DS!

Bozza Thu 18-Aug-05 09:45:51

To be fair to men I never realised either until I was pregnant myself. And it is quite a how much it affects you when there are no visible signs. Only solution is to tell them.

colditz Thu 18-Aug-05 13:23:29

This morning, we both had the day off work. So I got up with ds, got him dressed, got myself dressed, gave him his milk, made porridge for breakfast.... Dp had at this point just hoiled himself out of bed.

I asked him to go back upstairs and brush his teeth (his breath stinks in the morning and it makes me feel sick). His reply? "Oh for God's sake, I've just got up. Can't I ever just relax?"

Cue huge rant about how lovely it would be if someone sent me back upstairs while they watched my child (his child too btw!).

Asking him what he wants for his lunch is somehow a crime, to be answered with "I don't know!"

Evidently I am supposed to guess what he wants and produce it.

I am scaring myself sometimes. I keep getting such violent thoughts in my head about him - this morning I had a thought about throwing a bowl of steaming porridge on his head, and I visualised it clearly.

Everything I say or suggest has to be bickered with, and it pushes me to boiling point so fast it is frightening. I end up not answering him, or breaking crockery. The only thing keeping me going through these boiling rages is the hope that at 14 weeks, I will settle into bovine docility, like I did with ds.

spacecadet Thu 18-Aug-05 13:26:08

trouble with men is, they dont understand why you feel so rough, especially early on when you are not visibly pregnant.

lulabelle Thu 18-Aug-05 13:36:07

colditz, I sympathise! My dh is totally oblivious to the fact that I'm shattered too! We both work full-time - difference is, he works in a workshop, he gets up 10 mins before he has to leave, can wear whatever, etc. etc. I work in an office and have to wear smart clothes, I also get 3 yo DS sorted and some mornings (if not organised the night before) have to iron too! I then drive 10 miles and across a busy town to drop DS off, then back through town before I even get to work!! Then after work its back to nanny's, sit in the traffic for an hour, cook dinner, bath DS. The other night I committed the crime of coming home and flaking on the sofa,letting my eyes close for 10 seconds and he woke me up! I said 'what!, can't I have five mins?' he said 'what do you want 5 mins for, you haven't done anything yet!' my reply is not suitable for posting here! Sorry to go on, you have got me started!!! xxx

lulabelle Thu 18-Aug-05 13:37:08

Forgot to say, although I sympathise with you, your posts do make me laugh - loved the porridge and the bad breath!!

kelli22 Thu 18-Aug-05 14:06:31

i think its the same for everyone, my dp got the hint when i just stopped whatever i was doing and said i need to lie down for abit and there was no way i was moving, if he asked me to i would just say im very tired and i just cannot move, also taking him to the midwife did help i think all women have this problem! men are totally clueless. When we were discussing maternity leave he was saying that he knew loads of women who worked right up to their due date or at least until a couple of weeks before, i said well more fool them i know i will be shattered and im not prepared to do it, i have a 6yr old and work full time with an hours travelling per day, i have just finished at 34 weeks and thats that

RedZuleika Thu 18-Aug-05 14:25:29

I had no idea, until I got pregnant, just how exhausted I could be, particularly early on when not carrying the extra weight.

My husband has been pretty good, but he does now (at 35 weeks) make comments like 'It hasn't been too bad, has it?'. Well - no - not compared to some women, but there has been the back and pelvic pain, the inability to walk some days, the tiredness, the moodswings, the tearfulness, the low blood pressure, the dizziness, the trans-vaginal ultrasounds, the daily injections...

We went to Yorkshire for a week a while ago and although I was pretty good most days, I had one 'stunned bunny' day when I just had no energy and could barely get out of the car. I had tried to suggest that a particular x mile walk wasn't really on the cards, but he didn't seem to believe it until he saw me panting up a hill, about to keel over. When I said 'How do you think I am, those days when I tell you I can barely get out of a chair??' he said 'I thought you just needed jollying along...'

Temptation to jump on his testicles and see how much bloody jolliness he can muster then...

I'm sure his mother thinks I've been a right wimp too - because as she never fails to remind me, she was climbing mountains at six months pregnant...

dyzzidi Thu 18-Aug-05 16:23:09

Dp has just rnag and I told him Ihad made an appointment tonight to see an oesteopath (sp) tonight. We are going on holiday in less than 2 weeks and want to be pain free if \i can by the time we go.

His response...... Oh is it really hurting that bad and how much will that cost. I may kill him or worse still make him pay for the whole course of treatment it is his bloody child I am carrying the selfish idiot!

vickitiredmum Thu 18-Aug-05 17:08:44

With you colditz on the bad breath thing! It used to make me feel sick too! I do sympathise though - the chronic tiredness early on is awful and difficult for people to understand because they cant physically see why! I had the same in both my pgs and my other half was understanding up to a point but sometimes i had to just not do something in protest to get the point across. Something like - not cooking dinner or not washing his work trousers or something so it gives a clear message - if its that important to be done - he can do it! He knows where the washing machine is - and we both go to work. Seems petty but sometimes men need to SEE something to believe it. Seeing i was too tired to even wash his work trousers seemed to do the trick! You could try the tactic of telling him that if you dont get adequate rest now then you may have problems later and end up having c/section. With C/section he has 6 weeks of looking after you and your LO's because you'll have to rest. A bit crafty but unless he makes the effort and reads a baby book or two or comes to a midwife appointment with you (who will certainly put him right for you anyway) he wont know any better will he!!!!

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