I am the big sad loner at work

[Mrspugh]

Hiya everyone,

I'm being very silly and feeling sorry for myself so I apologise for my rant in advance but I just feel very sad and alienated at work.

Bit of back history before I launch into rant mode. When I was 14 I was told I had PCOS at the worst level and that I could never have any children.

I'm 27 now and got married last year to my wonderful hubby and fell pregnant naturally on Valentine's weekend this year without any fertility help at all (I feel very blessed about this) and am due 26th October.

The problem is that there's another lady in the office who is pregnant and is due the end of July and ever since I announced my pregnancy I've felt like people think I'm stealing her thunder and that I should keep it all to myself and let her have all the attention. She's never once chatted to me about babies and bumps at all either which makes me think she thinks the same.

Well today was her last day and a big buffet do was put on for her and she had some very expensive presents including a humungous baby hamper.

I can't help but feel that when it's my turn no-one will come and the best I'll get is a pack off nappies and off u go (I know that's a very slefish thing to think).

When I got married last year there were also 2 other blokes in my office that were getting married in October too so I had to share the attention and pub do with them and I got a cheap photo album whereas they were presented with big hampers and I felt really crap, I know that when the envelope comes round for me no-one'll put in and it makes me feel like a big fat loner, I'm always nice to people but I think because I'm a bgger girl and not very pretty I've never fitted in to the clique and I'm usually ok with that but I feel a bit humiliated that people know that the other people have had a big pressie or attention etc and they know I have a meagre token gesture because I'm a loner. I know this sounds very materialistic and selfish and I don't care about pressies it's the being made to feel guilty about my pregnancy that I find hard as I propbably will never have another child and this one's a miracle to me.

Sorry again for the extra long self-centred rant, especially from a noob xxx

[Mrspugh]

I feel awful adding this after all the heartbreaking MC threads on here, i'm being very silly.

[PandaEis]

hi

welcome to MN and please try not to feel like you are not as important. if these knobs people you work with dont pay as much attention to you as others it is likely that they are not worth the space they take up and certainly not worthy of being your friend!! i feel this way sometimes and i just think of my husband and my DD and i am happy i know it is easy for me to say not to let it bother you but maybe it might be worth talking to one of your colleagues and get to know them? i dont know if you have anyone that you speak to regularly in work that will maybe have a little check with others about why they are like this with you. also with low self esteem its easy to seem as if you are a 'loner' which gives a stand off-ish impression to others, i say this as you mention in your OP that you are a 'big girl' and 'not very pretty' i am sure that that is not true. i am a larger sized lady and sometimes feel im not attractive but i try and tell myself every day some things i LIKE about myself rather than what i DISLIKE. it helps me on the more depressing days

hope there was some helpful advice in there amongst the ramble

[websticks]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am really Happy for you.

Some people are just horrid, ignore them and be happy about your baby. Dont worry if they get you a rubbish present as when your baby arrives that will be the best present you ever will have.

[PandaEis]

oh yes... CONGRATS on your pregnancy

[loveydovey]

Congratulations!!
you must be ecstatic, wonderful news .

you sound like you need to stop being so down on yourself, bullies pick up on behavior like that.

mabey you should find somthing to give you a bit of confidence? a class or hobby?

give it a try as soon as you feel better about yourself it shines through.

afterall why let them ruin your experience?

[PixieCake]

Hi Mrspugh and congrats on your pregnancy, you must be thrilled!

Please try not to worry about the other woman at work. You have just as much right to be pregnant as her so tough luck if she thinks her thunder has been stolen - although you have said that this is just what you think, it may not be the case at all.

It must be hard watching other people get hampers etc, but I would say firstly don't assume that you won't get one - there must be someone in the office who realises it is distasteful to treat 2 employees so differently, envelope or not. And second, even if you don't get one, please don't let it get you down. These people are not your friends, you say that you don't socialise with them, and what really matters is you, your DH, your real friends and your new baby.

[Mrspugh]

aww thanks for all the replies, yesterday was always going to be hard but I feel loads better today. xxxxxxx

[sotough]

when i went on maternity leave three years ago nobody even said goodbye, never mind gave me a card, flowers, or presents! i just cleared my desk and wandered out that's a macho workplace for you! at least your lot seem to recognise big occasions in people's lives. I'm a senior and fairly important member of the team, but it's not the friendliest of places!

[compo]

will you be going back there after your maternity leave?

they don't sound nice people to work with

congrats on your pregnancy xxx

[Ryuk]

More congratulations on your pregnancy!

The people you work with sound rather tacky and rude. If they're that clique-y then you're probably better off not being friends with them anyway, although I can see how it can be hard to feel shadowed like that. In my teens I was one of two apprenticeship placements in an office, the other girl was very made-up, wore swishy outfits and was treated like an office pet, while I was mroe shy and geeky and generally left to get on with the filing. It stung a bit sometimes but you have to remember it's not the end of the world, at the end of the day you get to go home and enjoy things about being YOU.