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20 week scan...boy or girl...feeling down...

(51 Posts)
lulabelle Mon 15-Aug-05 11:45:31

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and really want to know the sex of the baby, I have been told that most of the time the sonographers can't tell anyway and when they do they are not good at getting it right. Is this true? I would have thought that they would not tell you unless they were pretty sure (I know they say there is no guarantee. Did you ask and were they able to see/get it right? I really want a girl, we have DS already, I feel awful and hate myself for wanting a girl so badly, I'm worried that if they tell me it is a boy I will be disappointed (i'm so angry for saying this as I know a child is a gift and I'm very very lucky) I don't know why I feel this way but its really getting me down, I love my DS and he has no problems, why do I long for a girl so much?

aloha Mon 15-Aug-05 11:48:17

I don't know why you do, but it's not unusual. the only bad thing would be if it affected the way you parented your child, which I'm sure it won't. IME most of the time sonographers can see very clearly which sex your child is at 20 weeks and do tell you. They can see right into the chambers of the heart - I think spotting a willy is childsplay compared to that
Maybe you just need to get over the initial feeling and when you see your baby it will be just that - your baby, not a boy or a girl, but your own baby.

dejags Mon 15-Aug-05 11:49:02


I have to disagree, at this gestational age it is normally quite obvious if it's a boy or girl. That is if the baby is behaving and hasn't hidden from view.

I didn't want to know with DS1 and with DS2 we found out because it was blatantly obvious on the screen. There was absolutely no missing the fact that he had a little winky .

sweetkitty Mon 15-Aug-05 11:49:20

I thought the sonographers were pretty good at getting it right so to speak. With DD she told us straight away, I'm going to ask with this one too (18+4 today) not that we're bothered either way but because I'm so so impatient and want to know.

Would 2 DSs be that bad? I know you've set yur heart on a girl and I don't know how you will feel if it's another DS, I don't have any experience of it TBH I'm sure someone else will be along in a bit that will. I'm more nervous of anything medical being wrong with the bub right now.

jessicaandbumpsmummy Mon 15-Aug-05 11:49:45

i know how you feel but in reverse!!!

Our hospital wont tell you the sex regardless.... so im now 30 weeks pg PRAYING for a boy, but also telling myself its a girl as not to be disapointed.

Its a tough one, especially as i wouldnt change Jess for the world, but i too am yearning for a boy!

Pinotmum Mon 15-Aug-05 11:49:55

I found out with my 2nd child and it was correct - a boy. I really didn't mind if I was having a girl or boy. My dh really wanted a boy. I discussed this with him and said I'd rather not know the sex if it meant he may be disappointed as it would ruin the rest of my pregnancy. He assured me he would not be and so I went ahead. I think if you really want a girl and will be disappointed if it's a boy then don't find out till the birth. Once you hold your baby all this girl vs boy stuff will disappear. Good luck

aloha Mon 15-Aug-05 11:50:26

I have a boy and a girl and am really delighted with them both - but I sometimes think how much fun same sex siblings would have.

sweetkitty Mon 15-Aug-05 11:50:50

If they can't tell us we are going for a 4D scan wait moi never!

Pinotmum Mon 15-Aug-05 11:51:34

Aloha, I agree as I have one of each aswell.

Nemo1977 Mon 15-Aug-05 11:53:10

With ds we could see everything very clearly and were told he was a boy. With this baby i had scan last week [am 22wks] and baby had legs clamped shut and was not revealing anything to anyone...

FairyMum Mon 15-Aug-05 11:53:19

With DS1 they told me he was a boy at my 13-week scan!! I have always known the sex of the baby at 20 weeks and it has always been correct. I have 1 girl and 2 boys.

sweetkitty Mon 15-Aug-05 11:54:51

I think 2 same sex siblings would be great too I'll have a 18 month gap and think 2 little girls would be great but also having a boy would be great too, I know when we are told for about 5 mins I'll be disappointed if they say boy or girl cos it's not one or the other then I'll get all excited cos it is one or the other. If that makes any kind of sense!!!! (preggie hormones alert).

Was going to say shame you only usually get one of a kind at a time but that would mean boy/girl twins eek!

lulabelle Mon 15-Aug-05 11:56:48

wow! thanks for all your replies, I too worry about medical problems, etc. but for some reason this boy/girl thing overides anything else! I'm so frustrated that I have got like this! I'm glad that so many of you think they should be able to tell me at least I will know either way!
I don't think it would affect my parenting skills, we asked with DS but they couldn't see as his legs were crossed and in front of him, but it was in the notes that we had asked and I had to have a late scan (35 weeks) and the sonographer was saying there's his ar, there's his leg, etc. she thought we knew. I wasn't disappointed at all just really excited. I wish I could share DS and DH excitement, they are not fussed boy or girl.

coppertop Mon 15-Aug-05 11:58:53

With ds1 we found out at the 20-wk scan that he was a boy. The staff also give you a piece of paper to sign to say that you understand that mistakes can be made. Apparently there were a few cases where parents had painted the nursery pink/blue and bought pink/blue clothes on the basis of what the sonographer had told them. They got very angry/upset when they realised that the sonographer had got it wrong.

Ds2 was born in a different city and parents are not allowed to ask about the baby's sex. If you do then you may be asked to leave. Dh was fairly sure from looking at the screen that ds2 was a boy but we didn't know for sure until the actual birth. AFAIK the same policy will apply when I have my scan for no.3 in a few months time.

HellyBelly Mon 15-Aug-05 11:59:54

I think the sex thing depends on what hospital. My local hospital will not tell you at 20 weeks (i was told it's in case you decide to terminate due to sex??)

Kelly1978 Mon 15-Aug-05 12:01:02

With dd I didn't want to know, as I wanted it to be a surprise. When she was born I couldn't have cared less whether she was a boy or girl, jsut overwhelmed by a baby!
With ds I wanted to know, wasn't bothered, but wanted to plan ahead. It was actually quite ard to tell, and they weren't going to tell us unitl he did a little tinkle and they were certain!
They gor the dts right too, straightaway with no probs.

Good luck!

Roobie Mon 15-Aug-05 12:02:56

We found out the sexes of both our babies. After dd I was really keen to have another girl (loved the idea of having two gorgeous little girls!) and must confess I did feel what I can only call disappointment when I found out it was a boy. I slowly got used to the idea during the rest of the pregnancy and had no negative feelings at all by the time he was born - obviously I love him to bits now and can't imagine life without him.

I'm glad we found out though so I could get used to idea before the birth rather than having to contend with guilty feelings of disappointment afterwards - although I suppose when faced with a baby there may be no such feelings anyway.

piglit Mon 15-Aug-05 12:05:38

Even I could see at my 20 week scan that our db is a boy - it was so clear that I didn't need the sonographer to point it out to us! Perhaps it's a good idea for you to find out at this stage so that if it's a boy you can get used to the idea. We already have a ds but I really wasn't bothered whether this db is a boy or girl. Now I know it's a boy I'm thrilled at the prospect of 2 little boys (especially with such a small age gap). Having said that, I wish I could have a £1 for every person who's said "ooh, I bet you really want a girl" or "it'll be a shame if it's a boy".

Gobbledigook Mon 15-Aug-05 12:11:27

Personally I would not find out if you feel like this. Finding out you are having another boy at this point sounds like it would be very disappointing for you whereas finding out you have a little boy at delivery will not disappoint you in the slightest! You are usually just so elated at that point and you can see the baby...

FWIW, I have 3 boys and it's the best thing since sliced bread.

ninah Mon 15-Aug-05 12:16:11

I am at the same hospital as Jessandbumpsmum and it's really frustrating! I understand they have a pretty good idea of sex at 20 weeks however when I rang up about a private sexing scan they do it at 22+ weeks

jessicaandbumpsmummy Mon 15-Aug-05 12:22:10

ninah - u at colly gen too?

dont they want something like £90 for a private sexing though???? STUPID!

Ill wait til the day arrives and probably still be over the mooon with whatever i get!!!

expatinscotland Mon 15-Aug-05 12:24:38

We aren't offered 20 weeks scans at all up here,much less get to find out the sex. For a 20 week scan you have to pay privately. £140.

ninah Mon 15-Aug-05 12:25:21

that's the one jess!
I rang up the Oaks (our local private hosp) and they want £101 for sexing scan ... I nearly said yes, cos I'm SO curious ... luckily common sense (and mn advice on the Due in Dec thread) prevailed - I'm thinking of all the things I can spend the money on instead!

jessicaandbumpsmummy Mon 15-Aug-05 12:26:10

Good girl!

Suprises are nicer!!

£101 - jeez - that would pay for LOADS of baby bits and bobs!!!

Distel Mon 15-Aug-05 12:44:25

I diddn't find out with ds or dd but wanted to know with baby 3. Sonographer said that she couldn't tell.

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