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Mortifying preganancy stories!(238 Posts)
Can I have your's please?
I had one this weekend...
I was staying with my parents and coughed.
My knickers were flooded and I thought my waters had broken.
Legged it into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. My mum leaned over, felt my wet pants, sniffed her fingers and said
'go back to bed, you just peed yourself'
When i was 33 weeks i had a bit of bleeding so went to hospital.
Consultant said he was going to do a speculum exam. I exclaimed "what! but thats not where the baby comes out!"
I thought he said rectum
I was in hospital having an early scan on the labour ward (late at night, only place possible) and a woman was wheeled through in a right old state, husband shouting that her waters had gone, her screeching, midwives rushing behind them. 20 minutes later she walked back out shamefaced hissing 'well how am I supposed to know I've wet myself' at her equally shamefaced dh. I felt so sorry for her. When 7 months later my waters went, I was very concerned I'd lost bladder control and was worried I'd be laughed at.
When I was just days from giving birth to our first child, my dp invited some of his friends round for the evening. They were all massive bikers - all boots and beards-.
We watched 'The Young Ones' and I am ashamed to say that I laughed so hard when Neil was faffing about with lentils that I completely wet the sofa. It dripped on to the floor and everything.
I did the Walk of Shame in an ungainly waddle.
I was heavily pregnant with dd, shopping in Asda. Sneezed and my pelvic floor gave way completely. Was wearing light blue jeans at the time so there was no mistaking the wet pacth from groin to ankles. I ran out back to the car leaving DH standing in a puddle. I then rang him on his mobile with instructions to pick me up a cheap pair of joggers, then got changed and carried on with shopping...
Ha! These are great!
When I was about 25 weeks with no2, I went out for lunch with my dad's new, and impossibly glamorouus, French girlfriend. After lunch we went shopping, and I popped to the loo.
Huge panic. My pee was red- I told the girlfriend that I had blood in my wee, I had to go to hospital NOW. We rushed there, saw a doctor who examined me. Seemed a bit baffled.
Then he asked me what I'd had for lunch.
It was a lovely beetroot salad.
I hesitated before clicking on this thread then started reading it looking between my fingers.
Phew, funny mortifying stories.....
Not a pregnancy story but the first time I ever made beetroot salad for DH the next morning he came out of the bathroom absolutely white and said he needed to go to the hospital asap as he must be haemorraghing internally. Cue big rush and panic, until i thought 'hang on...'
Oh, and yes... i have absoltuely done the 'waters have broken... oopps, no they haven't' thing too.
I was runnning late for my first ever aquanatal class- waddled as fast as I could poolside (without my glasses) and hopped in and joined right in.
The class was very vigorous.
I looked around- there were old ladies in the class- my brain went- "oh its north london - probably IVF", there was a man "that's nice supporting his partner", there were NO other bumps "awww they are all keen coming in their first trimester"
Yup I had joined Aquafit by mistake. Still can't believe how I rationalised it in my head for a full hour until I spoke the the instructor at the end and she set me straight!
My friend went for an early scan and was told to come back the following week because she was so full of wind that they were having trouble making anything out on-screen
My waters went with a loud pop on the loo at PIL house. I was the only one in as FIL had gone out for the Sunday papers.
He came home to find me trying to clean the bathroom floor with MILs expensive M&S towels while I kept making it worse and worse. Fighting a losing battle
Dh got me outside and they went again at the car in front of the v.posh neighbours.
Then again in front of the whole waiting room at Antenatal admin.
The cleaner was moping round me as I was giving my details
littlepinkbear, I can't imagine having so much water!
One of the worst things for me was lying there, legs akimbo having had my epidural and 2 MWs talking at the foot of the bed when I heard someone fart. having had an epidural I couldn't feel it but it was so obvious and I said "Oh my god, was that me????!" and they told me yes, but it was fine and showed the epidural was working but I bet they pissed themselves in the corridor
I was pretty embarrassed when I went into hospital with a heart attack chest pains only to be told it was only heartburn, after being hooked to machines all night.
My waters were like that. Went on the sofa and it was like a deluge. Ruined trousers, ruined sofa, ruined dignity. I waddled to the toilet and it just kept coming in massive gushes. Stood in the bath in the end until it had slowed down. My bump halved in size.
When i pushed my dd out, the midwives caught hold of her, then both jumped out of the way of the tidal wave that followed!!!
Not pregnancy but when they broke my waters one of the doctors didn't move far enough and so ended up with a wet bum! She didn't leave and only told me afterwards - she didn't think there would be that much!
As for pregancy the worst thing was i had no control over farting enough said
when i was 36 weeks with my first my hubby was working nights and was on my own woke up to a very very wet bed and was thinking oh god not again!!!!!
Just to be sure rang my mum (at 3am!!!) and she said "sniff your pants??!!!!" and i was like "WHAT", low and behold i just thought it was another accident and it was my waters.
Oh and second time round in labour one contraction bit too unbearable and bit my DH!! oh well its about time he suffered too.
This isn't a pregnancy story or my story but a friend's birth story.
She had a long and difficult labour. She needed an episiotomy but when the doctor was sewing her up he sewed his glove to her.
Not as good as some of these but this still makes me chuckle...
Was due to give birth any moment so was having a hot curry with DH to encourage things along. It was a VERY hot curry and I needed a glass of water so I went into the kitchen. Started filling the glass from the dispenser thingie on the front of the fridge. Just as the glass was nearly full the cat came in the catflap but seemed to get stuck so I turned to look at the cat. Obviously the glass overflowed and water went SPLASH onto the floor. I said 'shit'. Husband leapt to his feet and hurtled into the kitchen thinking my waters had gone.
I was induced. After I had the pessary thingy i spent about 4 hours in teh loo desparately trying to go to teh loo thinking (TMI) that there was a great big turd ready to come out and I didn't want to poo myself during labour.
Twas the baby's head.
With DD1 I was a couple of days overdue and me and DP decided to help things along in the bedroom. DD shifted and plonked herself on my bladder. we panicked and called an ambulance got rushed in and monitored up and yes I had wet myself.
When they popped DD2's waters there was that much it soaked the bed, the doctor and flooded the floor. They had to strip the bed, the dr had to change and the cleaner moped the floor
First pregnancy - I was in the early stages of pregnancy, had bad morning sickness and working on a hugely important event for work involving lots of famous people. It was also my big chance to impress my boss's boss, as I was 'acting up' as my immediate boss that day. I managed to keep nipping off to the loo to be discreetly sick all morning without anyone noticing. By the afternoon,I was lagging badly and the only thing stopping me being sick was lots and lots of ice cold Irn Bru (sounds gross, but it was the only thing that worked). So, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of holding it down (literally!).
Had our last VIP of the day arriving and my job was to greet her and brief her on her role that afternoon...got to the door, shook her hand and said 'Hello, I'm ...', then out of nowehere, instead of saying my name, I did the most enormous projectile vomit all over her shoes>. She actually screamed, as if she had been stabbed. I saw the back of her head as a zillion flunkies ushered her off somewhere to be cleaned up.
Not my best day.
forgot to say, the 'sick' was like a whole bucket of warm Irn Bru...nice
Aaah thanks for this thread, am feeling enormous today and found stretch marks on my arse this morning. Thank goodness for these belly laughs!
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