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expecting an april 2006 baby,had a stillborn in may....very scared!!!!

(23 Posts)
shelly24 Tue 09-Aug-05 18:33:10

hello everyone,just wondering if there are any expectant mothers due in april 2006?
I have just found out i am pregnant again after losing my first born son in may.He was stillborn at 33wks because of a liver malformation and a condition called hydrops.
We decided(dh and i) to ttc and it has happened straight away,i'm 5wks + 2 days,and although i'm really pleased i'm pregnant again,i know its going to be a real rollercoaster ride,and it really scares me!!!
We've been told that what happened to us before will never happen again,it was an extremely rare thing,and not a day goes by that i don't think of my little boy who we lost.
Is there anyone out there who is around the same gestation as me,or is pregnant again after a loss?i would love to hear from you.x.x

desperatehousewife Tue 09-Aug-05 18:37:48

oh shelly - i'm so sorry you have had such a terrible time. I cannot imagine how horrendous that must be. My deepest sympathies go out to you. Many congratulations on getting pregnant again so quickly - that is brilliant news!

I dont' have same experience as you, but just wanted to say good luck and i'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. I'm 9 weeks preg.

Good luck

munz Tue 09-Aug-05 18:40:46

not had the same thing as you, but just wanted to add my support. hope everything goes well for you with this pregnancy.

i'm 9+4 after a m/c the cycle previously at 5 weeks.

Tessiebear Tue 09-Aug-05 18:41:12

Have never been in this situation but just wanted to say - good luck with your pregnancy

biglips Tue 09-Aug-05 18:41:38

sorry to hear about the sad news, but i keep my fingers cross for you

congratulations BTW

spacecadet Tue 09-Aug-05 18:45:20

shelly, i had a stillbirth 15 years ago and become preg again very quickly, the result, healthy 14 year old dd, however i had to have counselling when preg as was so anxious and was regularly scanned, im currently 14 weeks preg agin after a misscarriage at 16 weeks in march and am very anxious too, havent even told the children and tbh, only really discuss my preg on mn.

shelly24 Tue 09-Aug-05 20:52:22

I've just been really nervous the last couple of days wondering if i really AM pregnant,i've had 9 pos tests!!!(yes,NINE!!!),its just i'm constantly thinking the worse right now and i really should chill out abit...i keep thinking of worse case scenarios...maybe its eptopic?,maybe an ovarian cyst,etc etc,rather thsn enjoying the prospect of the next 8 and 1/2 months,its going to be more like treading on eggshells!!
Did you have feelings like this spacecadet,really negative thoughts,where you saw the test said positive,but you still questioned it,stared at disbelief at it,and kept looking out for every twinge or cramp you thought was out of the normal!!?Think i may have to seek some kind of councelling to get me through this!!?.x

desperatehousewife Wed 10-Aug-05 08:34:02

i definately would speak to a midwife/gp and make sure that they treat you exceptionally well and gently over the next 8 months - they will understand your worries. They may well be able to suggest something that could minimise the worries - ie: regular scans or lending you a doppler to hear the heartbeat daily or something.

Good luck - talk to someone though - don't spend the next 8 months in state of worry.


handlemecarefully Wed 10-Aug-05 08:43:34

So very, very pleased for you on your pregnancy, but so sorry that you've gone through the intolerable anguish of loosing your little baby boy.

I totally agree with desperatehousewife - you need attentive and considerate ante-natal care to keep any anxieties in check.

Marina Wed 10-Aug-05 09:24:02

shelly24, I am so happy for you that you have successfully conceived again after your son's death. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy.
I was in your position almost three years ago. In August 2002 my son Tom was stillborn at 21 weeks - we never found out why and it devastated us as a family. I suspect I am a lot older than you so we felt we had to try ttcing again straightaway and I got pregnant, like you, really quickly.
I'll be honest and say that we found the pregnancy really heavy going. I was in bereavement counselling for Tom which just about helped me cope. As 21 weeks approached, I was practically prostrate with anxiety. I had a couple of minor scares that nearly did me in, too. BUT I think a lot of my problems were caused by not knowing why Tom died. It sounds like you have good medical reassurance that your son's liver malformation was a tragic one-off, and I am sure that will help you.
Here are some practicalities that helped me when I was in your situation:

- Get yourself into the antenatal system early and expect red carpet treatment, demand it if necessary. I'd book an early appointment with the consultants responsible for your care with ds and ask them what facilities exist at the hospital for caring for parents after a stillbirth. Is there a Bereavement Midwife, for example?
- Ensure that everyone managing your pregnancy knows what happened to your ds and that all your notes have a SANDS sticker on the front. This will stop anyone from making any tactless assumptions about this being your first baby etc. The hospital should have a supply of SANDS stickers, most HAs use them.
- You could also contact SANDS HQ and find out if they have a local Befriender or Group that supports parents expecting again after stillbirth. I had this support and it was so helpful, I am eternally grateful to Gill and Charlotte who started out as strangers and ended up as trusted friends.
- And you can post on here of course! I went through my third pregnancy on Mumsnet with a couple of other Mners who were pregnant after a loss and we got each other through the hairy times. And we also got loads of caring support from Mumsnetters who hadn't experienced stillbirth but still knew exactly what to say.

You may find (I'm afraid I did) that, in real life, some people's reactions to your news might not be very helpful or sensitive. It still hurts me that as soon as dd was born, for almost all my family and RL friends it is as though Tom never existed . Mumsnetters remember though!

I am so happy for you and wish you all the best. Hope you get loads of support on here, I am sure you will

dejags Wed 10-Aug-05 09:32:32

Congratulations on your wonderful news Shelly!!

I dont have any useful advice/experience but Marina (as usual) is so full of wonderful warm advice. Take care of yourself and your family and do keep us posted.


sweetheart Wed 10-Aug-05 10:12:16


I currently 23 weeks pregnant after loosing our son in January. I was only 17 weeks pregnant but I can sympathise with your feelings of anxiety over this pregnancy.

A post mortum revealed our little boy had a heart condition that caused him to stop developing and we were told it was highly unlikely to happen again.

I hadn't planned on falling pregnant so quickly after my mc and it came as quite a shock. I wasn't sure I'd given myself enough time to get over the son we lost.

This pregnancy, unfortunaly, will be hard - there's no getting away from it. I'm due in early December and although I've had lots of scans and reassurance I still have the odd wobble where I'm sure things will go wrong.

There are lots of people around you who are there to support you - make sure you use these people as much as you need to. You've had a terrible time and it's only natural that you should feel worried and scared.

There are lots of mums on the Dec thread who have suffered mc's before and lots of them have found it very useful to hire or buy a doppler. Perhaps this is something you could consider.

Marina was a great source of support to me when I lost my baby and there will be lots of people on here to help you when you need it.

Sorry this has turned out a bit long!!!! Take care and I wish you the very best for this pregnancy.

SH xxxx

womba1 Wed 10-Aug-05 10:43:58

Hi Shelly, congrats on your wonderful news! I'm expecting a baby in Feb 2006, have a ds who is 2.4 and had my stillborn son at 30 weeks, 11 years ago (i was 19 when i had James).
The ante natal care i receieved with my last pregnancy was fantsatic, and on my request, they didn't carry out any more tests or scans than would normally be had. I didn't want to be treated any differently as i felt more interference would cause me more stress. Yes, it was a hugely emotional experience and when i reached 30 weeks, i literally fell apart. But, my gorgeous ds was born at 38 weeks and here i am again, almost 14 weeks and feeling wonderful!
11 years on, i think about James every single day and i consider myself incredibly lucky to have given birth to 2 such beautiful boys.. heres hoping for a 3rd!!
Just do what is right for you Shelly, and your dh.
Am sending you lots of love and warm wishes and please feel free to CAT me if you want to.
Womba x

shelly24 Wed 10-Aug-05 13:27:14

Thank you so much everyone for your warm,considerate and heart felt messages,they drew me to tears!
I had a real bad time last night where i was just so paniced that something will go wrong again,and i know deep down that none of this is going to be easy,and that what happened before won't happen,but it doesn't stop you feeling like this does it!?
I have my first offical appointment with my GP on monday,i will def run over everything with her and make sure that she is aware of my anxieties and requirements this time round.Thanks for the advice with the SANDS stickers,i will def remember that.SANDS have been very good,and have been there when i've needed advice etc...although i haven't had any form of councelling,as i've felt that i am strong enough to get through it,just with DH and close family.
I really can't believe that i am pregnant again so soon,as much as i love it,it still is rather daunting,and i'm glad i'm not alone in thinking that the next 8 months will be really hard!
I'll be ok when i see that healthy baby in my arms,and hear it scream for the first time,something i haven't experienced yet,but dream about all the time.Every moment is precious,and i think when you've experienced a stillbirth and haven't heard your baby cry when it is born,it really affects you and is something that you treasure and appreciate so much more.
I've also desided to find out this time around what the sex is,as i feel personally it will bring me closer to my unborn baby sooner,as last time we waited until he was born.
I already have a fetal monitor that my DH bought me for my last pregnancy,but you can only use it from the 20th week,this was a great comfort last time,as well as a dragic experience as i was the first to realise my baby boys heart had stopped the night before we were due a scan.I will def use it this time around though.
Once again,thank you so much for your lovely messages,you are all a great support.x.xi will keep everyone informed.x.x.

Marina Wed 10-Aug-05 13:30:43

Shelly, I decided to find out the sex asap too with dd - and it did help me think of her as a person, and bond with her, before she was born.
At times I was frightened to love her while pregnant in case I lost her too, and was concerned I wouldn't love her when she was born, but oh boy, I did and do
I am so glad posting here has helped you and remember it is normal to feel so anxious about a new pregnancy when your previous baby died.
Take care and keep us all posted.

Toothache Wed 10-Aug-05 13:32:38

Oh Shelly - I've just logged on after being offline for a few days and I am SO happy to hear that you have FINALLY accepted that you are pregnant (9!!... thats worse than me! ).

Congratulations! I know that this will be a very anxious pregnancy for you, but I have everything crossed for you to get your dream come true that so many of us take for granted..... to just hear you baby cry. for your son and for the new wee life you are cooking.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Mon 15-Aug-05 20:08:19


Remember that we are hear for you and I hope to be joining you v soon.Lets hope those weeks fly and you will have your little bundle of joy before you know it!!

Marina,bless your kind words.I too had a stillbirth and am now ttc.But I have a dd and that keeps me going.


milward Mon 15-Aug-05 22:58:52

shelly24 - want to wish you all the best xxx

Kelly1978 Mon 15-Aug-05 23:06:36

shelly, I wish you allt he best with your pg, I worried so much with my twins, but I guess you much be so worrid with what you have been through, I have no personal experience, but my best friend lost a little girl, quite far on, was never explained. She went on to have a very healthy full term pg and now has two gorgeous boys. i hope you can enjoy ur pg.
Have you ben given anti-ds?

aqua Tue 16-Aug-05 00:59:27

hi shelly congratulations! i am due on 17th april, i am also scared but probably because it will be 14 years since the last one!!

Aragon Tue 16-Aug-05 07:48:35

Congratulations shelly

So sad to hear what happened before. What you've been told is quite right - it won't happen again but it's not surprising you're feeling worried. I am sure the hospital will do their utmost to reassure you at each visit and will scan you at the right time and tell you that "everything is fine this time".

I'm not pregnant at the mo but I concieved DS after a loss (not in your category - I was only 8 weeks and had bled from about 5 weeks). However, even with that smaller loss I still worried until I knew all was okay.
I hope all goes well for you this time.
It's quite normal and natural for you to think of your little boy you lost.

shelly24 Tue 16-Aug-05 14:14:30

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages of support,they really are what keeps me going at the moment..xx
I'm 6+2 today and have my first gp appointment tomorrow,its been really emotional the last couple of days,i've been looking out for any twinges or things out of the normal all the time(prob 2 much!!),and my usual gp,whos a really nice lady that has been there for me through all the traumatic times of the past months,and even frther back when my mum passed away,is currently on holiday till sept!!(how dare she have a holiday...and a LIFE outside of the doctors surgery!!!!!!)So i've got to see another lady 2morrow,and initally it really upset me!!DH carmed me down and convinced me we'll be ok.
I won't be 100% until i have a scan and see my little bean on the screen!then i'll start to settle down abit!I really worry that there will be nothing in my womb!!How mad is that!!And before i go to the docs in the morning i'm going to do another test just to check i'm not going mad(it will be my 10th test!!.....MAD,i know!)
I've been told that i'll prob have a scan at 8weeks if i wanted one(which i do)so thats only 2wks to wait really!
I'm just so scared girls!!
I've also bought some pregnancy announcement cards off the net to send to all our close family and friends,i've written them all out ,but am scared to send them yet,so am going to wait till i've had my first scan.
i'll keep you all informed if you like.x.x

milward Tue 16-Aug-05 14:16:57

Best wishes for the gp tomorrow xxx

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