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not wanting to be touched - is this common?

(18 Posts)
spotofcheerfulness Wed 02-Jun-10 21:20:43

I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and finding myself not wanting to be touched at all, or kissed, or any kind of physical contact (not jut sexual, but that too) with my DP.

He's taking it badly, understandably, as I seem to be constantly rejecting him and it's affecting our relationship.
I didn't have this during my first pregnancy but can't think of another reason why I would feel this (was v tactile beforehand) and I think I would feel reassured if this is something relatively common (and therefore I knew it would pass). I think DP would like to know when it will end too.

I'm also finding ordinary smells overwhelming and maybe all my senses are just way overheightened?

spotofcheerfulness Wed 02-Jun-10 22:06:37

just me then sad

JamieJay Wed 02-Jun-10 22:09:11

I had this at around the same time, has got better as the pregnancy has progressed (now 31 weeks) but I'm afraid to say that I never got the 2nd/3rd trimester horniness......

I was also very tactile before hand and have had to spend a lot of time explaining to DH that it's not a rejection of him.

It will get better for you, my smell issues reduced as time went on smile

kawaiiko Wed 02-Jun-10 22:10:01

Hello spot, I've not had this myself (tho definitely had the smell/over-heightened senses stuff) but I have been hanging out here a few months and have seen a couple of threads saying the same thing so you're not the only one! I'm sure someone with experience will be along shortly.

spotofcheerfulness Wed 02-Jun-10 22:13:32

thanks folks, I shouldn't make too big a deal of this it's just really upsetting me as I don't want to feel this way. I'm trying to explain to DP it's not him, but it's hard to convince him as he can't understand why it's happening.

LittleBeth53 Thu 03-Jun-10 00:53:13

I had this for a long time. The very last thing on my mind was sex or physical intimacy, I didn't want to be touched or kissed, I just wanted to slob on the couch all day in my pyjama's in front of the telly. I caved in & attempted sex with my boyfriend when I was 10 weeks & I didn't enjoy it all.

However, I'm now 25 weeks & the thought of my man literally drives me crazy. Just seeing him in a certain shirt I like or smiling at me a certain way & I become aroused, breathless & get extreme butterflies in my stomach. I look at him & think, "this man is totally gorgeous & I'm carrying his child" - even that thought makes me want to pounce on him!! I can't keep my hands off him & now things are reversed, he's the one getting fed up with batting me off all the time. Haha!

My midwife said it's a rush of 2nd trimester hormones so hopefully it'll be the same for you. I have every confidence that the way you're feeling now though won't last. Good luck.

spotofcheerfulness Thu 03-Jun-10 13:46:28

Littlebeth your post gives me hope, thank you!

ro4chat Thu 03-Jun-10 15:37:06

I had a similar thing for about 2 months. It started at about 8 weeks, finding certain smells really overpowering. Then it got worse, as most smells would make me sick. We had to stop cooking in the house because of it, and as DH got in charge of the food preparations, I stopped going in the kitchen altogether. The simple fact of going from room to room would be enough to send me running for a bucket. And, I absolutely dreaded having to use the loo, if you know what I mean.

In terms of touching and closeness, it caused a real mess. I couldn't stand DH breathing next to me. And would run away everytime he got close. It's like I couldn't stand his smell or his body warmth, even though the guy is the cleanest man I know! It took a while for him to understand that it was nothing personal, it is quite hard when you're normally really close to them. I just blamed it on the hormones and explained that I felt almost soffocated if anybody got too close to me.

It's really frustrating, because you need a hug when you're feeling like that, and you can't get it from the person you want it the most. I tried to make it up to him sometimes when we were out in the fresh air, for example, and I could stand being close for a couple of seconds, I would surprise him with a flash hug or a kiss. It helped him realise I loved him and I missed him as much as he did.

I'm in my 18th week now, and although the nausea has just passed, I still find a lot of smells really awful. I try to avoid them, still not cooking myself but I can take a bit more hot food. And the main thing, I can finally get close to DH. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder, it really is true. You'll appreciate your partner even more when it's all better. Just hang in there, try to read about it and show him that it's just another unfortunate "joy of pregnancy".

Best of luck, lost of patience to your DP, just keep reminding him that you miss him too and praise him for his understanding. x

spotofcheerfulness Thu 03-Jun-10 18:24:22

Thank you, that's really helpful grin. I will let him know to hang on in there!

juliec26 Fri 04-Jun-10 17:47:47

just to let you know I am 7 weeks and am the same hate being touched, kissed, breathed near, everything smells horrid - hoping it will pass x

spotofcheerfulness Fri 04-Jun-10 19:08:15

Hi Julie, sorry to hear you're in the same boat! Is your DP?DH being understanding about it?

juliec26 Sun 06-Jun-10 10:50:57

sort of - thinks I dont love him anymore, but I tried to explain, probably not very well - saw dc as don't really feel any feelings at all, she said lots of people feel like it and it will pass - so guess will just have to wait

mamasunshine Sun 06-Jun-10 11:36:20

Hi, I'm going through exactly the same. Feel very sad for my dh! I'm 8 wks pg with no 3 and can't bear the thought of dh coming near me hmm. And I was just getting my sex drive back just as I fell pg. Am hoping it will pass soon, as don't think dh will cope very well and it's already causing arguments.

LittleBeth53 Sun 13-Jun-10 14:57:16

I guess I was lucky in the way that my partner understood & gave me some space until I was over my 1st trimester. It was hard for him but when the 2nd trimester started, my passion came back.

I know these chats & threads are meant to be just for us mama's, but maybe your men might appreciate seeing some of these posts off other women, let them know it's not them or anything that they're doing, it really is us & it's just a pregnancy niggle that affects us all in the beginning!

Just a suggestion. Good luck everyone. x

daynakemp1109 Sun 02-Nov-14 21:56:51

I am 10.5 to 11 weeks preg. I am also going through the same thing with my husband. we were very intimate and close before I got pregnant, and now he feels like I don't love him or want to be with him anymore. and it's not that at all.. I just really don't want to be touched.. by anyone, I can't stand to be near anyone, even at work being shoulder to shoulder at the registers kills me... I tried explain it to him but he just doesn't understand, and it is stressing me out because I feel like he isn't listening to my explanation sad

avocadotoast Sun 02-Nov-14 22:48:51

I felt exactly the same. I'm now 12 weeks and feeling much better (which is good really, as it's our anniversary this week!). It's completely understandable given (if you're anything like me) you'll be feeling weird, gross, knackered, sick... It's too much to have anyone near you when everything is all over the place.

Mummywithlove Mon 03-Nov-14 14:00:37

in currently 34weeks,,, i get this all the time with my husband and some times he says ill find someone else then or ur dont love me or ya boring and sometimes he wont speak to me for days.. i just say bye then. dont come crawling back to me grin ,,,, with my last pregnacy i gave birth at 28weeks and when i try to explain that i dont want to have sex because i feel like it might make me go into early labour all he says was what ever any excuse!!!, and espesially now i got a bump i cant get comftable or baby kicks me and the moment has gone lol blush i will get easier as sometime in pregnancy u get randy wink or lovey dovey or u just want to kill him lol xx

silverfishlondon Wed 05-Nov-14 11:58:37

At risk of TMI..

Went off sex in first trimester and thought it would get better but its got worse. I would be happy with no sexual contact but he's so keen! When I've tried to have sex it often ended up with me in tears because as he gets more ready I realise I can't go through withit atall and have to stop him. He says he can feel me flinching when he tries to touch me. It's really upset him too at times, feels so rejected.

Even the couple of times ive felt ready and in the mood the act has been painfully intense so had to stop, but at least he could see it was my body changed not my feelings to him!

More recently I've found I enjoy being 'sensual' with him but struggle to really feel 'sexual'. I like making him happy, er... manually, and he seems happy with this so it's our solution to intimacy for now!! And means I don't have to be touched much and it's on my terms!

Once he realised how it's pretty normal for pregnant women to go off sex he's even been joking with dad-to-be friends ' oh so you havnt had sex for 6 months either? but the trying to get pregnant was fun' smile

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