Feeling weirdly ambivalent about imminent arrival of DC2

[Mystro]

Is this normal? I'm due in about three weeks now, and am fairly flat out at work right up until my due date - my decision, I'd actually rather be working than waiting if you know what I mean. Anyway, every time I try to think beyond the birth, I just feel totally ambivalent. I can't seem to feel excited at all, I just feel a bit tired out by the thought of it all! I feel terrible to admit this, I keep looking back to before I had my DD, I was so excited and feel really nostalgic for that time, and guilty that I don't feel the same in anticipation of this baby. Am I a terrible person, or has/does anyone else felt/feel like this? Thanks!

[sheeplikessleep]

I felt totally the same, I counted the days down when pregnant with DS1, but with DS2, I was actually appreciating the sleep whilst I had it! I sometimes feel so guilty that I was less 'excited' about DS2. Now DS2 is here, he is wonderful and I am totally in love with him. Totally normal. Even now though, the milestones are less of an event than they were for DS1. Poor DS2

[Mystro]

That's reassuring, thanks sheep. I kind of know in my head that I'll love him (it's a boy) and it will be great, I just can't get myself to feel it. This is a bit corny but in the run-up to having DD Adele's Chasing Pavements was always on the radio and it makes me a little bit tearful when I hear it now! But I don't have a song like that for this baby, and now that's making me want to cry on his behalf too!!! Oh dear, I am clearly quite pregnant.

[lukewarmcupoftea]

Totally normal, you know what hard work it is this time round! First time you were in blissful ignorance. Tiredness must play a big part as well.

[Kity]

thanks for this post Mystro, have been feeling pretty similar. Am looking forward to no 2 but I keep feeling so guilty about not "spending time" with my bump! I spent so long talking to it first time round, playing music etc et and this time life too hectic.
Plus there is a little part of me that is apprehensive about the sleepless nights, feeding etc.
Like lukewarm says blissful ignorance played a big part in first pregnancy! Harsh reality more the feeling with this one!

[Tobermory]

Mystro, I could have written much of your post, though not the workign bit having been signed off for the last 10 weeks with SPD.
I too feel surprisingly unexcited. Last time I was, as someone else described counting the days, this time feels a lot flatter. But i do think this time there is more apprehension, i know whats coming whereas last time it was the excitement fo the new baby with no real understanding of the levels of sleep deprivation that were to come!

[biggest]

So glad it's not just me! I am hating being pregnant and dreading birth so much that I am forgetting the loveliness of a new little baby. You are right, life is hectic with a DC already and there just seems no time to sit and bond with bump! Even scans now (having growth checks) are a bit "ok hurry up have to pick DC1 up".
Poor baby!

[Mystro]

Thanks for all your responses - it's not just me then, thank goodness! I just feel so blase about it. I remember all the detail I went into last time leading up to the birth, and then when the baby was born, my obsessive interest in every last detail relating to feeding/green poo/no poo. I'm sure I won't be like that this time!

[Bumperliouzzzzzz]

Sorry you are feeling this way, I can kind of sympathise but in the opposite way weirdly. I felt ambivalent about the arrival of DD the first time around. Just couldn't get excited or even think about having a baby. This time I actually feel excited about having a baby which is a bit of a surprise for me!

I hate being pregnant though, and that certainly didn't help the first time round.

Don't know if that'll make you feel better as such, but just wanted you to realise these feelings are perfectly normal, so try not to beat yourself up about it.

[Sariska]

Yep, this was me a few weeks ago. I actually wanted to carry on being pg - didn't care about going overdue -because I (a) felt guilty about what having DC2 would mean for DS and (b) was terrified of how I was going to juggle toddler care with a newborn baby and the inherent sleepless nights.

Now that DD is here, (a) has been proved groundless because DS loves her and clearly already cannot imagine life without her (her name tends to be the first thing he says when I get him up) and, as for (b), well, yes, it's hard at times but overall I'm managing better than I thought I would.

And, no, I don't obsess over DD's sleep, feeding or nappies in the same way as I did DS's but that's probably all to the good. I love her just the same.

So, IME, ambivalence in pregnancy no. 2 is no indication of ambivalence after birth.

[sheeplikessleep]

Mystro - I have a very close friend, who has just had her first LO and I feel in such a different place to her. I kind of came away feeling a bit guilty when I last saw her - she was talking to her baby, walking him around the park to show him things, whereas I just feed, burp and change my DS2 nappy. Sometimes I worry I'm too busy to really appreciate DS2 and I don't want DS1 to feel excluded. I'm more apprehensive about making life as normal as possible for him.

That said, in many ways, it's also soooo much nicer this time around. Far less stressful mentally and I am not beating myself up about the small stuff. That dread of 'will I ever get a nights sleep?' you don't worry about as much either, as you know it's such a short time. Makes having a newborn easier to handle.

Congratulations by the way! It is fab having two DC.

[funnysinthegarden]

OP I felt just like you. DS2 is now 14 weeks (I think!) and I am a bit sorry that I didn't have that intensity of feeling I had when DS1 was born. I love them both equally but still feel quite nostalgic for that rush of love I had with DS1. Somehow I thought it would all be exactly the same the second time round.

Mind you I have got back to 'normal' much quicker this time round, so thats something. Overall though just totally chuffed that I now have my family and can get on with being me again!

[sheeplikessleep]

Agree with Sariska about the whole sibling thing. It's lovely. I think in some ways the first DC makes a family, but second DC extends the family. It isn't all about the newborn the second time around, it's about relationships. If that makes sense?