Do you plan to not breastfeed?

[sleeplessinseatle]

Hi

Expecting DC2 and have breast issues which made breastfeeding DC1 very difficult.

Was just wondering if there is anyone out there who doesnt plan to breastfeed, or not for very long? What will you say when the disaproval from friends starts?

The thought of BF not working again is making me not look forward to the baby arriving. Sorry not to post in 'feed the world' but its so pre-BF I'm scared to!

[Maclaren]

I am Pg with my third and will not be breast feeding this one. I had real trouble with the last two both times my milk never came in so this time I am not going to put me or the baby though the stress!

[sleeplessinseatle]

Thank you. Even reading that just makes me want to cry with relief I'm not alone.

Wish my friends weren't so militantly pro-breastfeeding.

[HumphreyCobbler]

I formula fed my first.

Most people ff, try not to worry. A huge majority of women. Do you really have friends who will be negative?

[CarGirl]

I would just state to them "sadly there are medical reasons why I can't breastfeed" and if they carry on I would would be even more blunt, think up a few retorts and use them.

[HumphreyCobbler]

What do they say?

[rubyslippers]

what if breastfeeding does work?

I had a horrid time with my first and the second time around has been totally different and so positive (am still feeding at 7 months)

can you not just take a wait and see approach?

[addictedisinthesecondtrimester]

i'm pregnant with my first and am planning not to bf, for various reasons. your not alone. i'm not planning on telling anyone my feeding choice, but at the same time i'm not going to 'hide' my feeding choice. as far as i'm concerned its no ones business but my own.

[Aubergines]

Do you really think people will judge you? I know people on MN do, but in RL I have never seen it as an issue. I live in an area with higher than average BF rates and yet that still means that most people don't breast feed or only do for a very short while. In RL the mothers I know don't judge each other for their feeding choices. Really they don't.

You sound like you are deciding not to try BFing again in order to safeguard your mental well being. That is a good reason for the decision but it is undermined if you then fret about what people think. Be confident in the choices you make for you and your family.

[EmmaBemma]

I didn't breastfeed my first at all, due to previous breast surgery, and was hugely surprised that there were pretty much no negative reactions from friends, none from family and none even from health professionals. So don't necessarily expect the worst of people - you might be surprised.

[KristinaM]

i had a hellish time BF my first but it made my more determined to try again with the next one. no one else put me under pressure either way.

in the end bf went like a dream next time. totally different experience

i'm just saying this to encourage you to consider bf this time IF YOU WANT TO. It depends on what the problems / issues were but it doesnt have to be the same

if you don't want to bf then that's totally your choice to make for your baby. your "friends" should keep their feeling to themsleves

good luck

[HumphreyCobbler]

just because people breastfeed doesn't mean they are looking down on you for formula feeding

[dizzydixies]

I've bf all three of mine with varying degrees of success - pregnant with DC4 and will once again be adopting the 'wait and see' approach and will have the bottles/formula on standby - nobody's business but yours

[EmmaBemma]

I should add, the breast surgery I'd had (reduction) didn't make feeding impossible, just more difficult and unlikely to be exclusive.

[gd1976]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I have an 18 mth old and i really struggled with bf, and hated it. I felt I was abnormal as all my friend bf no problem and even enjoyed it. If I have another child, I will only bf for a very short time if I find it ok, but the first sign of any difficulty I will ff.
I felt incredibly bullied to bf by my mid wife and health visitor the first time round, and I became incredibly unhappy as a result. I feel their influence over me made me have a really hard start and I would have been much better off ff. (We also had v serious reflux to deal with)

Please go with your instinct, and don't worry what other people think- happy Mummy happy baby. I just wish someone had said that to me......

[dizzydixies]

EmmaBemma I'd heard that as I'm desperate for one but my GP stated that I'd to wait till I was finished my family/feeding them before I had it done. I remember being in the ward with a lady who had hers reduced and she was having difficulty with it too

[LittleMissNorty]

I didn't BF either of my two.

You do whatever feels right for you and your baby.

[sleeplessinseatle]

I do actually plan to try again, but don't expect things will go much differently this time because of the issue with my breasts.

Aubergines, I don't mean I have 'issues' with my breasts, I mean that there is something wrong with them.

Which if I was willing to talk about to friends might make it easier to make them understand, but I'm not to be honest.

I'm not sure what they say, if they did come out and say something obviously horrible it would be easier, its more underlying than than (can;t think of the word I want to use here)

[dizzydixies]

so its more of an implication then? cheeky mares

[doodlexyz]

I'm pregnant with DC4 and will not be breastfeeding this time around. In fact I only breastfed DC3, but it was a total disaster, and left my whopping 9lb 13oz baby girl looking like a skeleton!!

I would potentially try again, but with the other 3 to look after I think none of us need the extra stress and worry if it doesn't work.

Its totally your decision and I wouldn't let anyone put you off doing what is right for you

[HumphreyCobbler]

Are you sure that they are disapproving? In my experience it is our own heads that do the guilt/disapproval thing, not other people.

I honestly think that people who would criticise are quite rare.

[sleeplessinseatle]

Yes yes, implication!

I even had my mother in laws 80 year old male neighbour say 'so are you feeding her yourself'

Oh bugger... now thinking about what my MIL will think/say/imply...

[Aubergines]

Why did you take the question of your MiL's neighbour as implying a judgement?

[HumphreyCobbler]

But that is just a question. A pretty stupid one, but just a question. For all you know she might have been relieved at your answer.

I don't mean to go on at you. It is just that I have been through feeling judged for ff, until I came to realise that it was ME doing the judging. No one else had even looked at me sideways. I just wanted to succeed so much and I failed and it felt like the whole world knew what a crap mother I was. Except it wasn't true.

I know you don't particularly want to discuss your specific problems with your friends (and why should you, it is your business), but as you are planning on trying again you might consider discussing it with the experts on here. They might be useful.

[sleeplessinseatle]

Because when I said I was (was combining at that stage) He said 'Oh good, glad to hear it' or similar

[HumphreyCobbler]

Then he was being polite about your choice.

People are just making conversation. They don't care. They really don't.

It is so hard when everything feels so loaded, I do sympathise.