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miscarried once- now very nervous

(39 Posts)
trollprincess Sun 31-Jul-05 17:07:26

I had a miscarriage and D&C in March - doctor said there was no reason, just "one of those things" We decided to try again but I keep feeling terrified it will happen again and I won't cope. Help!

lunachic Sun 31-Jul-05 17:09:14

i have had 2 miscarriages (before 12 weeks) and also have 2 healthy beautiful children
good luck in conceiving again try not to be too scared about it

WigWamBam Sun 31-Jul-05 17:09:59

Are you sure that you're emotionally ready to ttc? It sounds as if you're still suffering from the first miscarriage. Perhaps if you give yourself a little time to grieve and take the pressure off from trying again, you might feel a bit more relaxed about it all.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Nemo1977 Sun 31-Jul-05 17:17:07

I had 2 early mcs one at 6 wks and one at 7wks before i concieved Ds who is now 21mths. I then got pg gain and had a missed mc in dec last year and had a erpc. I am now 20wks pregnant again and while it was worrying at the end of the day i know it is worth it. Good luck to you. One of the things i did this time was when i got to 12weeks I bought a doppler so I could check heartbeat myself...other people have used them from 9weeks and it is very reassuring.

take care

trollprincess Sun 31-Jul-05 17:19:46

Thanks for your messages. I do keep wondering if I am ready ttc yet. I can't bear the idea of checking each time I go to the toilet for spotting (sorry tmi). But will that feeling ever go away?

suzi2 Sun 31-Jul-05 17:40:31

I miscarried first time - am now 39wks pregnant. I fell pg very soon afterwards. I agree that you should take the pressure off TTC. This pregnancy was largely a surprise. I have been nervous all the way through this pregnancy (but it gets easier) and it's likely you will be too. So you don't need the added nerves and worries of TTC and testing etc. Good luck.

Nemo1977 Sun 31-Jul-05 19:37:14

TP I dont know if the panic ever goes hun whether planned pregnancy or by chance. With this pregnancy the fear was worst as I didnt want to have been pregnant five times to have actually only had one baby. Still a very real fear. TTC is a hard track but then when babies due date came i felt better knowing i was pg as i was 15wks at the time however when we had lost the other i was supposed to have been 15wks but baby died at 9 wks so was sort of bitter sweet. It is only a decision you and your partner can make

bonkerz Sun 31-Jul-05 19:47:47

oh babe i know exactly how you feel. I have had 2 miscarriages, one at 7 weeks last July and one at 11 week in Jan this year and had to have a D&C. I am now 18 weeks pregnant and have only just started to relax about this pregnancy. I have panicked and fretted so much about my baby. After my D&C DH and i decided to wait 6 months before trying again but fell pregnant when on holiday and didnt plan it. We pushed to be seen at Early Pregnancy unit and i have had 6 scans already with this baby which has been a blessing.
I say its best to relax. Grieve for your baby and let nature take its course. No matter what happens you will panic and be terrified when you get pregnant again, its only naturel and i need to add that there are many more women on here in your situation and also many who have had mc and are now pregnant again with healthy beans! (most of us on due in dec thread!!)

Redhelen Sun 31-Jul-05 20:39:32

I had a miscarriage last April - it took me a few months to conceive again in December - I was very worried until I got past 15 weeks - now I'm 34 weeks and starting to feel worried about the birth!! I sure you will conceive again soon - you will feel worried - but a quick message on Mumsnet will reassure you - its all worth it - it really is! You should also ask for an early scan - at about 7 weeks to reassure yourself that all is well.

TigerLilly2005 Sun 31-Jul-05 20:57:38

I now how you feel, i had a mc back in november i already have 1 ds who is 2.10 now, i was devasted but we started trying again and i was petrified it was going to happen again and really did not think i could go through the heartache. We started trying in jan and i fell pg in april, i did all the checking for the spotting when i went to the toilet and yes it was more harder and worrying this time round but i am now 16 weeks and everything is fine, been for my first scan and it really does make all the aginy and hearache worth while.

Be strong you will get there and get through it try not to panic and just relax.


trollprincess Sun 31-Jul-05 22:58:30

Yes I never know whether to be relieved or upset with each AF since the D&C. My doctor and dh keep saying I'll get pregnant again when my body and mind is ready but I can't be quite so zen about things. They had no idea what it was like. Early, frequent scans sound like a good idea though.

RedZuleika Mon 01-Aug-05 12:30:47

I've had three miscarriages, now 33 weeks pregnant.

No - I don't think the checking-for-spotting thing when you go to the toilet does go away. I still do it now - even though I can feel it moving and it's presumably viable now anyway. I always felt better getting back in the saddle (as it were) as quickly as possible though.

babymomma Mon 01-Aug-05 21:35:10

Six months after a mc I fell pregnant again. I am now 19 weeks, and doing fine. Had a small bleed about 6 weeks ago, which was very traumatic but a scan put my mind at rest. I'm rh neg so I was given an anti d. my advise is don't worry about it happening again, it could well do but don't go looking for it, just try to be positive and enjoy the experience!

mummyhill Tue 02-Aug-05 08:47:53

TP - I had one september last year and then caught again in december, I spent the first 14 weeks panicing at the slightest twinge etc but have now started to panic about the birth (only 5 weeks away) Don't put to much pressure on yourself things will happen in their own time it is perfectly normal to worry about it all though.

trollprincess Tue 02-Aug-05 13:59:10

ok, will give it a go. Really think you all are so brave. I just veer from wanting to wrap myself up in cotton wool to being determined to carry on as normal.

mummyhill Tue 02-Aug-05 14:03:53

The most important peice of advice i was given was to allow myself to grieve for what i had lost but not to let it get in the way of what i wanted. To take each day as it comes and try again when i felt up to it. Don't allow anyone to pressure you and just let nature take its course. It is perfectly normal to worry about pregnancy after a mc.

trollprincess Tue 02-Aug-05 20:09:45

thanks so much for the advice. One tiny bit more then I'll shut up - how "good" do I have to be while ttc? I got a whole load of books that said you've got to act pregnant from when you start, but I don;t really want to give up my glass of wine with dinner till I have to....Or, as my mother said, is that why I miscarried in the first place?????

trollprincess Tue 02-Aug-05 20:36:03

- just wanted to add that

trollprincess Tue 02-Aug-05 20:37:20

- just wanted to add that. I meant from when you start trying ttc

lisa34 Tue 02-Aug-05 21:22:45

I had a miscarriage and D&C 5 years ago - the doctor could give no reason but said that mother nature was a wonderful thing and sometimes your body has to go through a trial run first before it can complete a pregnancy to full term. I was like you terrified of it happening again - but it didn't and I now have 2 very bubbly and noisy boys - good luck and take every day as it comes xx

cori Tue 02-Aug-05 21:23:02

I know how you feel. I am TTC having had a miscarriage in May. I know that I will spend my next pregnancy as a nervous wreck, there is no getting away from it.
Thankfully I have already a good midwife who is going to look after me next time.

If you feel need more moral support come and join us at the TTC after miscarriage thread

Nemo1977 Tue 02-Aug-05 21:25:12

TP when ttc i have kept normal diet etc and have a healthy ds and am 20wks. I think the key to ttc is to relax, after 3,ths i used ovulation predictor kits and got caught first month.

mummyhill Tue 02-Aug-05 21:28:20

I did not do anything different from normal when i was ttc i still enjoyed the odd glass of wine etc just relax and it will all work itself out. Did quit the drinking though as soon as we got a bfp.

RedZuleika Wed 03-Aug-05 07:52:30

Can't believe your mother said that! Sorry - I know she's your ma, but it's a wee bit insensitive!

I think it's natural to wonder whether it's something you've done that caused it to go pear-shaped, but realistically it probably wasn't. After all - women on heroin manage to carry babies perfectly successfully (although I appreciate that they don't pop out in the best of health). I've had some spotty SHO running through all the things I could have done to cause the miscarriage when I was on my second, in pain and passing clots. I now know that I have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome and - unmedicated - probably only a 10% chance of a successful live birth (luckily it's easily diagnosed and easily treated). Really - there's a temptation to go back to said SHO and tell her where to shove her guilt-tripping.

From anecdotal evidence, I'd say that the stress you might put on yourself ttc and worrying about not getting pregnant is probably more detrimental to conception than a few glasses of wine.

As I said before, I'm now 33 weeks pregnant which rather suggests that it was conceived between Christmas and New Year - and I can assure you that I didn't stint on the red wine during the festivities... just stopped when I knew I was pregnant (the nausea usually starts pretty quickly for me anyway).

teuch Wed 03-Aug-05 14:43:50

Hi just wanted to add my tuppence-worth!

First, sorry for what you have been through - as you can see lots of us have similar experiences which I find helps.

I had missed mc in Feb at 11wks (baby died at 8,5) and was petrified of TTC but the best advice I was given was that it would be terrifying whether I did it right away or 10 yrs from now...the only way to not be terrified was not to do it and that wasn't an option for us!

I am now almost 15wks and still check the toilet paper every trip, but every day is a milestone. I decided to try to enjoy my pg and its working!

Oh, and as it would have been my original due date this month, I am finding it much easier with the knowledge of my own little miracle inside...

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

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