Anyone feel a bit pushed around?

[queenofthehouse]

I was just wondering how everyone felt about the advice and care you get from midwives particularly as my experience was good in my last pregnancy in a lot of ways but I wasn't really as advised and informed as I was pushed into my decisions or talked out of them. My main issue is with the breastfeeding, I wasn't sure if I was going to but I gave it a go because they made me feel like an awful person to not do it. In the end I got an infection and he wasn't feeding well and so I decided to stop and put him onto a bottle. Still I was pushed into not giving up and at the point my partner told them to back off a bit. I don't know about anyone else but a new baby, your first baby is a massive thing and so overwhelming... you love them to bits, you want to do every single thing for them and believe me I did I could not sleep for trying to be supermom and it was making me ill. I was exhausted and the added pressure of someone making you feel you are failing because 'he's just not taking to it' or 'you're not latching him on right' is just not a help at all. I did it for 8 days in the end and I when I went to get advice on what to give him and for treatment for the infection i'd developed I was pestered to carry on trying. I didn't want a discussion I needed support. I do think breastfeeding is great if it works for you but it is not the end of the world if it doesn't and I know that my little boy was happier when I was happier and he has been ill fewer times than any of the breastfed babies I know so it obviously hasn't done him any harm. Please no one take this as an anti breastfeeding post because it's not I was just wondering if anyone has had similar or different experiences?

[soniaweir]

hear hear!!! I am glad that someone else feels this way too. i had similar problems with my first DS although the midwives were not really supportive at all and i felt SO bad for not being able to breastfeed. i gave up after two weeks when my nipples were falling off and i developed thrush on them. While bottle feeding i felt i had to justify why i was not breastfeeding and felt like such a bad mum. This time round i will try again but if it does not work out i am not going to stress out about it. My DS has not been any iller than the other babies his ages and some BF babies have developed allergies etc so i don't feel so bad.

I do think there must be something nice about breastfeeding - having that closeness to your baby but it's not the end of the world.

This time round going to see the midwife and seeing all those breastfeeding posters i realise what pressure we are under to do it right and no one really talks about how hard it can be and for me there was no support other than paying for it.

We got our DS in a great routine after a few weeks and we always knew where we were with feeding so could plan things better.

I always like to hear of people who have had the same experience as me as i don't feel so bad and guilty!

[nunnie]

It was exactly the same for me, wasn't sure I wanted to, but had problems with placenta not wanting to come away and was told breastfeeding might help, it didn't, but then spend 2 days in hospital being told breast is best, my dd was a low birth weight, and the paedratcian (sp) requested a midwife check my breaastfeeding before I was dismissed from hospital to make sure all wa okay and I knew what I was doing as it was essential for my dd to be fed properly, the midwife came whilst I was feeding, didn't look closely and filled out a form to say all was well, it wasn't, my mw came for a home visit my breasts were sore, I was crying everytime she fed, I went to see gp who gave me treatment for thrust and my dd, I was then contacted by mw and told to stop treatment as it wasn't thrush and the treatemnt would dry up my milk. The pain and the crying went on for 4 weeks, until I decided I couldn't cope anymore and put her onto bottle, I was made to feel like a failure, I believe it was all this that led to my PND the helpless feeling of being a bad mother made worse by a lack of help and support from my mw who wanted it done by the book cos that was the advice she had to give. She did say after I had stopped, she thought I had made the right decision and I was looking much happier and dd was gaining weight.

Sorry that was long, think you hit a nerve

[Esme01]

when my mum was in hospital with my brother (nearly 40 years ago) she was intimidated FOR BREASTFEEDING. Bottle was best in those days. She was given no help. The nurse actually shouted across the ward at her 'that baby'll not grow doing it that way'.
I think part of the problem with todays advice is that it comes from books or people who dont know you or have to 'tow-the-line' with whatever is the latest government recomendation or trend. What is wrong with listening to mums, aunties, sisters, grannies who know us. They are more likely to have the same instincts as yourself. They know you and are more likely to get bespoke advice.
You are a product of your mothers childcare. What did she do that made you turn out right.
Personally I make my mother and my instinct my first port of call.

I feel I had it easy myself - I dont feel I was pushed either way by midwives which probably helped. I am the second eldest of five and my mum fed us all so mentally for me it was a natural thing to do. Baby didn't latch on or feed for 10 days but somehow this didn[t bother me. Midwives were not concerned till he dropped significant weight and became jaundiced at which point my milk came in properly. Then it was the 2 weeks of toe curling agony when he latched on. I was told about this before I started so I was under no illusion that it was going to be plain sailing. I can honestly say at no point did I worry about the health of my child.

My sister had constant mastitis. She needed surgery which left her with an open wound under one breast for ages. I don't know how she did it but she expressed from that side, fed from the other, and got through it all. \i do believe that it was the whole family experience that got us all through.

ps my mum lives 500 miles from me and 300 miles from my sister!