Unwanted nursery gifts!

[emspeth]

Hello

Just a vent and maybe some of you know what I mean and have some tips on how to get round the issue...

I'm 30 weeks and my husband and I just moved house. As we've got tons to do we're happy to have the baby in our room to start and worry about sorting a proper nursery later.

Mother in law has other ideas - keeps bugging us about which cross-stich sampler she should make (if we don't make a decision it won't be Ready On Time). She's also bought the hugest, most acrylic, non snuggly teddy bear. It's about the size of a four year old child, not remotely suitable for a newborn or small baby, we hate it and don't want to spend the next few years looking at it. We've managed to leave it at her house for now saying we haven't got room, but the fateful day approaches when she will deliver it to our door.

Any cunning ideas on how to dodge and get rid of said things? Or do you just have to grin and (sorry) bear it?

E

[MrsTriangle]

It's a nightmare!

With family, we found honesty was the best policy and just said up front what kind of things we hated and couldn't look at / said no big things without running it past us first. So, for example with your bear, we would have bluntly and rudely said - 'crikey, that's huge and looks really acrylicy. I'm really sorry but that's going to have to go back!'. I know some will consider it really rude (which it is really) but we found it really helpful to get them in the habit of checking before they buy anything big! It works a treat now. Important for us as we have a small house.

Or you could just swallow it and see if your child likes it when they grow up and if not, just get rid of it as soon as you can.

[MrsTriangle]

The trouble is - once you 'accept' the bear, there's no telling what will turn up next.....!

[yetanothernickname]

I know the annoyance at recieving tons of teddy's for a baby when they say 'not suitable for under 3s' on the label.

But be grateful, it's lovely that your baby has a grandparent who's showing such interest.
The big teddy can go in the baby's room can't it? In the corner like an ornament.
You probably won't even use that room for a good 2 years, so you'll only go in there to get clothes from drawers etc.

I would explain that you right now you don't want to be rushed into preparing the nursery though as you have enough to do, and baby will be sleeping in your room anyway, for, most peoplesay 'a few months' initially don't they, lol
Old people have massive deeply engrained detatchment parenting veiws you need to watch out for though, like 'dont spoil that baby, needs to be in his own room, let him cry, giove him a bottle' etc.
So recieving an oversized teddy is probably only the beginning of the stress!
Haha, sorriee

[LoveBeingAMummy]

Either tell her you don't like what she's giving you or accept it. You can try and influence it by saying the sort of things you want to get and how you know she wants to get things she are letting her know.tbh people will give you whatever they want to give regardless of what you say.

[yetanothernickname]

I think you can be brutally honest like that if you have a good relationship, but if it's a bit fragile or strictly formal already it makes things difficult.
I would tell husband to deal with it as it's his mum, but don't hurt MIL's feelings when she's trying to be kind!

[bigcar]

I usually find the top of wardrobes good for loads of unsuitable teddies Ask the ladies on arts and crafts for sampler ideas if you haven't time, it will be a lovely keepsake for your lo when older.

[yetanothernickname]

Some presents that pissed me off;
Crates of bloody bottles and sterilising equipment.
I said 'I'm breastfeeding'
And they're all 'well, you can't breastfeed forever'.

I BF for 2.5 yrs and never opened the bottles, so :-P

[notsoteenagemum]

I could never say anything and we were so skint when we had dd that I was grateful for anything except the hidious frilly moses basket with a stork holding thedrape--.

I think you've either got to be brutally honest or be prepared to fend off questions about the bear etc when they make their way to the charity shop.
The cross stitch sampler might be quite nice a keepsake though my dd got a faberge style egg with a model of a baby in it which i hated but she loves now.

[notsoteenagemum]

boo the drape
and I

[mazzystartled]

Accept things with grace FGS

You could give her some direction in terms of colours and your taste (it sounds like she's open to that). Go shopping with her. I'd be touched if someone wanted to make something for my child (cried when my mum's friend crocheted a blanket for her) please be nice about the cross stitch.

Stick the teddy in the corner of the room - you'll blot it out eventually - there will probably be a time when your child really loves it.

[thehairybabysmum]

re the sampler...

I have one of these in each of my ds's rooms...they are lovely. Could your MIL do a similar thing as a sampler....assuming you like them that is??

[pigleychez]

I was the same with my first...
we recived huge teddies and others with button eyes etc that arent suitable.

They do look cute in the babies room though. I had the nicest ones out on show and the other more garish ones that didnt match my colour co-ordinated nursery when into a big basket for when baby was older to dig her way through.
DD is now 19mths and loves her teddies,especially the big ones.

Agree that the sampler will be a nice keepsake. Find one thats not too babyish and it can stay in the room for a good few years.

You soon realise that you cant keep that perfect co-ordinated room for long. Sadly its usually the more garish acrylic/plastic stuff kids like the best!

Point out things you do like to your mum that you do like so she gets an idea of what you want. Sadly somethings you get from well meaning friends of your nan etc you just have to gratefull accept.

[Lastyearsmodel]

You either get tough with the MIL or get tough with recycling the crap (because you will receive tons of it). I did a combination of both, and the MIL now asks sometimes, but still overspends on pointless stuff. And things get retired slowly toward the charity pile.

And, of course, once your baby is old enough to appreciate these things, they will adore the acrylic teddy more than any tasteful, natural fibre thing, especially so if it is a garish colour with dangerously pointy parts likely to fall off at the slightest tug.

[cece]

I think the sampler idea is lovely. My suggestion is to harness your mil into your way of thinking. Go with her the the shop and chose a design with he.

I kept my mil busy with a request to knit a shawl for the baby. Worked a treat and it was useful! BTW I chose the colour and design of that too...

Keep the teddy for now but in a year or so mention that there is no room for it in the nursery (now your DC is choosing their own toys) and would she mind terribly if you donated it to a childrens' hospice to raise money.

[Elsa123]

Do you have a dog? Could it savage the teddy when you get it?? You know, beyond repair maiming?

I understand your angst over the sampler- not that you don't want one but the pressure over it. I like the shawl idea- however if it was my mother, I'd have to give her the wool as the stuff she's knitted for my neice and nephew is all acrylic nylony and not nice.

[OzKate]

Oh I'm so pleased for this thread, my MIL has already TOLD me we're going shopping, not ASKED me, TOLD me. Our taste couldn't be more different, me red and white stripes, navy blue spots, white cotton, simple, classic, that kind of thing...her....pale pink, butterflies, glitter, lambs dancing merrily through the fields, yellow teddy bears floating up to the sky holding pink balloons....it's gonna be messy....

[TulipsInTheRain]

at least it's not a 1.5m long neon pink unicorn.

thanks SIL

[Lastyearsmodel]

Or a HUUUGE baby doll from Spain, conforming to no safety standards I've ever heard of, that looked like Adrian Chiles. Thankfully, DD took one look and burst into tears.

[whoopstheregoesmymerkin]

or a 'really really cute and funny' baby t-shirt with a picture of a GUN on it in a basket with some nasty toys and bottom burning toiletries...
Hurrah for charity shops at least 10 miles from your home!

[MumNWLondon]

Accept the sampler, doesn't take up much space and will look nice on the wall, and its a lovely keepsake. Although might be nice to wait until the birth so that it can include baby's name and be gender specific. Read on time doesn't apply since a new born would not show any interest etc.

Say the teddy can live at hers so the baby will have something to play with when he comes to see her and that you just don't have space. Do not accept or she'll buy more stuff....

Perhaps give her a suggested list of things to buy, eg swaddling shawl, gro-bags, etc.

[emspeth]

Pink unicorn! Woah.

Ok clearly I'm not alone... Think maybe I'll pack the bear away till the baby's older and explain to MIL that it's too big for now (hint hint: similar objects will go the same way). Then I will make a fuss of the sampler as compensation. I know it will be cute, it's just at the moment it's not a gift, it's a deadline!

When I was a baby, I given a teddy (that I still have in a box somewhere)a flattish, homemade thing from a charity workshop. When I was old enough my mum taught me how to sew the felt back onto his paws, eyes and nose as they kept wearing out. The more worn and patched he got, the more I loved him.

Actually, maybe it's time to get teddy 1.0 out of retirement as the new nursery mascot. Then even if the baby doesn't like it, it will be a friendly face for me when I'm up all hours feeding!

[MorrisZapp]

NOOOOO Adrian Chiles dollies!

That's just wrong.

My sisters XP was an absent dad pretty much from the start and insisted on making up for it by buying my baby neice hideous, scary soft toys that were twice the size she was. For a one bedroom flat.

He's still at it ten years later, pitching up three times a year bearing laptops, high heeled shoes and promises of ear piercing and limousines for proms.

I think a lot of people really do think big is better. They are WRONG.

[yellowcircle]

I had to google to find out what a cross stitch sampler was. Anyway, I suggest you tell her that you would like the baby's name and date of birth on it, so can she wait until birth to do it.

Teddy: accept with good grace, put in non prominent place in room. 6 months down the line, put in charity shop without telling her. If she asks, baby did a huge poo/vomit/both and teddy was not salvagable.

I would never tell MIL that something she bought was unsuitable. Particularly if you don't have a great relationship with her. She is trying to be kind, she's excited about the birth of her grandchild so you just need to find ways around unsuitable items.

Any unsuitable clothes: stick on child, take photo, take clothes to charity shop. If giver ever asks, show photo, say clothes outgrown/damaged in wash/poo on etc.

[sleeplessinseatle]

I have recently discovered the joy of 'why don't we keep it at your house so she can play with it when she's at yours'

[cece]

sleepless - lol my parent's loft is full of that sort of stuff. Everytime I visit, my dad tries to talk me into taking some of it to my house. If I feel sorry for him I take it and then drop it at charity shop...