am i being selfish in cosidering pregnancy at 47

[mpi]

i have two children in their late teens, and i find myself very much wanting to have my final child. however, everything that i have read suggests that this will be a foolhardy and probably sad route if i ever managed to conceive in the first place.

but the desire to conceive is so strong - it is hard to ignore. has anyone else on this site been in this position?

[FlyMeToDunoon]

bump

[IZDI]

hi there. i guess it depends on your health at present and what it might be in 10 years times when he/she going to want you to do the things like all day shopping, sports day etc. then it also depends on the support you'll have.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Hello mpi, I am the same age as you. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear this but I would make my head overrule my heart in your position. And I say this as someone who had her second child at 40. But there is a world of difference between 40 and 47/8 when it comes to conception, pregnancy, coping with a newborn and having a young child to care for. I really do think so.

[Plonker]

The desire to conceive is very very hard to ignore. After all, it is what we are programmed to do.

I would urge you to give it very careful consideration though. Pg is much harder as you get older and then there are the implications for the baby re your health etc.

Good luck with your decision

[mitfordsisters]

Have you seen Luisa Dilner's column in the Saturday Guardian? She is 47 and expecting a baby. You can probably read them online if you google.

My DH is going to be 47 when my DS2 is born in June btw. Of course he hasn't got to carry and give birth, but as for the rearing, he is gung-ho about it.

Good luck with your decision

[CazEM]

I think you've answered your own question mpi and already know deep down what is the best... "foolhardy and probably sad route".

I would listen to the advice of bibbity and plonker, and not only consider your health and how you would cope with a newborn/toddler going into your 50s but also the health of a baby being born to a much older mother.

We all know the statistics of children with disabilities being born to older mothers. I work in a special school with profoundly disabled children, granted most there don't have older parents, but some do and if the worst was to happen you would also need to consider how you would cope caring for a sick child?

Sorry if I sound harsh btw, I really don't mean too! Especially as I can't put myself in your shoes (24, who knows what I'll feel like in 20 years) - I'm sure you'll come to a decision which is right for you.

[smee]

I think what I'd ask myself is what happens if I don't. Say you go ahead and have another baby - okay there could be issues because of your age, but it could all be totally fine too. So assuming it would be what's the reality? When they're leaving home (if they do!), you'll be in your mid sixties. Is that really what you want? Are you maybe hiding from your own life by wanting to have another child to fill time?? I haven't a clue as I don't know you and fwiw, I think an older mother can be a great mother. But let's face it there's more to life than kids, and you have a chance now yours are teenage to have more time for you. Isn't that attractive as a thought? Think of all the things you could do.

[duckszebrasgiraffes]

You're not being selfish considering it, whether or not you'd be selfish to go ahead is another question!

47 may make you a less energetic parent than 27, but you don't have the option of going back in time to have this child at 27, so in a way it's irrelevant. Will you be so much less energetic that your child will later say to themselves "I wish I'd never been born"? That's the important question here - not whether they will say to themselves "I wish mum had been 27 when she had me" (cos they may well say that, just like they may say they wish you'd been a millionairess, but you didn't have that choice for that child).

The same goes for everything else - if you have a child and there are serious problems, will you and they end up wishing you had never got pregnant - or just wishing you'd got pregnant younger, which isn't an option so there's no point wishing for that.

In your shoes I have to say I wouldn't do it, although I do feel wistful about the years of having babies and young children slipping away. I try to remind myself that even a further child will eventually be gone. I can't keep getting pregnant for ever, so it's only postponing the inevitable.

Just thought - does your family have a history of women giving birth successfully in their 40s? If so that would be reassuring.

[Heated]

Only you and your dh can decide but in your shoes it's important to know the data so you are prepared.

Would firstly advise that you check you are still ovulating as stats show majority of women at this age are infertile.

Miscarriage rates for 45+ at 53% but at 47yrs are higher (figures vary by how much), Downs is 1 in 30, and in a Danish study which records precise maternal age (rather than in the UK where figures are for 40+ which is misleading as fertility drops markedly once past 43/4) after excluding pregnancies which ended in induced abortion, only 17% ended in a live birth: 75% of women miscarried and another 8% had an ectopic pregnancy. Other studies have suggested spontaneous abortion rates as high as 90% in this age group.

Assisted reproduction does not greatly increase the chance of a successful outcome. In the UK, it was estimated that only 3.2% of women over 42 who started a cycle of assisted reproductive technology (ART) treatment using fresh eggs had a live birth; when frozen eggs were used the ?take home baby rate? was still only just over 10%.7 Most of these pregnancies arise from eggs donated by younger women.

[solo]

I will be 46 in a few weeks and find myself wishing hard for a decent man in my life to have another baby with. If I were in your situation ~ and I'm assuming happily in a relationship, then I'd be going for it.
I have a friend who had a happy accident at 47. Her Dd will be 4 on my birthday and fine!

[gemitygem]

Finding this thread v interesting, I am pg with no 4 at mo and want it to be my last, am going to be 30 soon. Have been given the option of having tubes cut when I have my c section.

I also know that desire to have another baby, everyone has said I am mad having 4 so close together, but we are all so happy here with family life, it doesn't matter.

Will my energy levels at 30 with 4 children under 5 be any different to a woman at 47 with one baby?

[expatinscotland]

You can try it, but it's not likely you'll fall pregnant at that age.

My gran had her 6th at that age, she thought she was menopausal.

But it wasn't planned.

If you do fall pregnant there's a far, far greater likelihood of miscarriage and abnormalities.

Most, not all, of the celebs you hear having babies at that age are using donated eggs.

[liahgen66]

just wondering how one would respond if a man had asked this question?

So long as you are in good health then go for it if you feel that strongly about it I'd say. You never know what is around the corner, you could live to a ripe old age and be very healthy and active right until the end.

or you could die at 40 like my mother did and leave 2 young children with a stepfather thrown in at the deep end.

We just don't know.

Live every day as if it were your last.

Good luck.

[expatinscotland]

Thing is, liaghen, men can reproduce a lot longer than women and of course their bodies don't have to be pregnant. Sad, but true. A woman's chances of having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby at that age with her own eggs are slim indeed.

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

YANBS imo.

What decision can you live with best?

[DillieTantie]

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I had a late second marriage and became pregnant at age 43 and 45. Luckily, my "middle age" DCs are healthy and happy, as are my DH and me. I find that I have enjoyed and am enjoying their baby/childhood much more than when I had my earlier children when I was in my twenties, when I was a lot more concerned about money and career.
I use the word "luckily". I was more than aware that my age could compromise the health of the baby, my health during pregnancy, delivery and recovery, to name a few issues.
I can only say that there was no rational thought involved whatsoever - I just wanted these children.
Whatever you decide, be happy with your decision.

[Mytholmroyd]

Hi mpi

I am 49 and we have four children 19, 17, 8 and 3 - first were all DD and the last a DS. He was a little unexpected - how the h**l I got pregnant I do not know Bit of a shock, even bigger shock having to cope with a DS! And had just delivered the "be sensible dont ruin your education by becoming an underage mum" lecture to DD1. But she was very gracious!

They offered me sterilisation after DD3 but whilst we didnt plan anymore, I just wasnt sure. No doubts though after the fourth. He is absolutely fine and quick and bright and the pregnancy was no better or worse than any of the others (actually probably better because they sent me for acupuncture for the awful sciatica I always get and it relieved it considerably).

DH and I are off to Florida in May with all four to celebrate our 50ths - havent been able to afford a foreign holiday for 8 years and cant wait!

We talked to DD1 and DD2 recently about what would happen should DH and I die and they were both adamant they would want to be named as guardians of the little ones. I have no regrets about having the baby - he is joy.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Kerry is right. Isn't there a new campaign -- directed at older women who think they can't get pregnant?

A friend of mine recently adopted 3 under the age of 3 . She is exhausted, but says there the exhaustion in her 40s isn't any different than when she was in her 20s!

[stressheaderic]

My mum is 52 and I am 39 weeks pregnant with her first grandchild. She is extraordinarily excited about this.

After bringing me and my brother up through some difficult times, she has had a lovely indulgent 10 years of no kids at home, fancy holidays, social events, no responsibilities, before she embarks on grandmotherhood....
Why don't you go away for a nice luxurious break, treat yourself while having a good think about whether to try again? Who knows, you could be a grandmother in the next 5 years, and have a lovely newborn to enjoy without any of the sleepless nights! Just a different perspective.

[JazzieJeff]

I've got to be honest, I'm 22 and having my first baby and the first thing my Mum said to me was; 'but you're far too young' swiftly followed by; 'and what about your career?' Even though I'm happily married and have my own home and a good job. If you feel capable, then you should do it. Half the problem these days is that the people you meet on the street judge very quickly, based on your age stereotype alone, and then all too quickly make a poorly timed comment on said judgement. If you think you can do it (and you've posted on the pregnancy thread), then you should. You probably have a lot to offer a child and are probably more chilled out than a younger woman. Good luck xxx

[LittleSilver]

What JazzieJeff said. Wise and to the point.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

yes...

[Orangesarenottheonlyfruit]

Yes, I am afraid.

My DH is the last of 7. His mum fell surprisingly pregnant at 46. It has really been difficult for him having an older parent and his Dad died horribly of stomach cancer when he was a young teenager.

Also having older brothers and sisters means that he never really feels that close to them. In fact, I tend to see more of his nieces and nephews than my in-laws. It is a very difficult situation.

Enjoy your life and young people in other ways, could you foster, or get involved with a charity?

[SoupDragon]

Honestly? Yes I think you are being selfish.