Wait and see for a MMC or go for the tablets?

[malteser1981]

Had some bad news - a MMC at 8 weeks. Need some advice, in your experience which is better? Wait and see or go into hospital for the tablets to bring it on? Was given the choice but I am so upset I haven't got a clue.

[MrsMcJnr]

I am so sorry this happened to me although I didn't know until I started to miscarry naturally. In my opinion and having spoken to women who went for the tablets, I am glad it happened naturally on its own. I got pregnant again 10 weeks later too and felt this was because I hadn't intervened. I hope that it happens again for you soon

[Bleatblurt]

So sorry.

My doctor feels it can be best to wait and see if you will m/c naturally as then you don't have the 'what if' thoughts. No 'what if they were wrong and the baby just needed more time', 'what if the scan machine was wrong'.

But waiting can be too upsetting for some women so they opt for the tablets.

I waited and after a few days things did happen naturally.

[cakeywakey]

So sorry to hear about your MMC. I had a blighted ovum (pregnancy sac but no baby) that was potentially spotted at 8 weeks and confirmed at 10 weeks. I'd had some spotting at 8 weeks, but nothing inbetween.

In my case I didn't want to wait and not know when my miscarriage was going to happen so I chose medical management. It was fine for me, one tablet one day and in a couple of days later to have the actual miscarriage.

I think that I was lucky in that I fully miscarried while I was still at the hospital - I know that some women do so at home instead, which must be very hard to deal with. I then had a week off work but was still having some bleeding when I went back.

My preiods returned in one month and I was pregnant with my now 2yo DD within 3 months.

I think it's best to go with your gut feeling about howyou want to manage this and do what feels right for you. The Miscariage Association may also be helpful for you in chatting to someone about it. They run a helpline from Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m on 01924 200799 (0131 334 8883 in Scotland) and their website also has useful info that may help you www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/index.htm

Take care and be kind to yourself.

[shipsladyg]

Feeling for you and for everyone else who's suffered this. I chose to let things take their course and miscarried at home within two days of finding out - so even if I had opted for the medical intervention, I would still have miscarried at home because my local hospital only does the procedures (drugs or D&C) at the weekend when the wards are quieter. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to grieve quietly and on my own and didn't have to do the whole thinking about how I was getting home, talking to strangers about it all etc.
The only thing that felt nasty at home was passing the "products" (for want of a better word) down the loo.
Taking pain killers helped with the physical aspect. I needed lots of hugs for a while (as did DH) and still get weepy at times.
I'm glad I did it this way. Another way would have made it feel like it was a medical procedure and not be congruent with what I was feeling emotionally. It felt (and still feels) like a death - although the science tells me that in my case actually it was only body chemistry and No1 wasn't really "there". I think I needed to miscarry at home as part of my coping process. However, had the need for intervention arisen, I'm sure I'd've rationalised that too. I also agree with Butterball in that there were also no "what ifs" - although logically I know that the medical staff see an awful lot of this and know what they're saying so really this is an irrelevant worry - but still - when you're going through it, it's a real worry.

I lost No1Baby finally on 1st July and conceived in September.

Whatever you decide will be right. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

[malteser1981]

Thank you all for your advice and support. I'm sure you all understand when I say my heart aches.So lovely to hear that you have gone on to have healthy children, it gives me hope for the future.

[MrsMcJnr]

I just wanted to add like the others that you need to be really kind to yourself at the moment. MN was a huge part of getting me through those dark, dark days. I can highly recommend pouring your heart out to ladies going through the same awful loss - its really therapeutic

[malteser1981]

Thank you MrsMcJnr, glad I found you all.

[rainbowdays]

malteser - please wait until you are absolutely certain in your own mind that you have m/c'd. I was not certain and at 8 weeks 2 days went for a scan - report says "measuring 6 weeks - inevitable pregnancy failure", I went for another scan 2 days later - sorry does not look good I was told. Went for another scan two days later again at 8 weeks 6 days - and there is the baby with heart beating!!!!

I have a tilted uterus so my scans all look about 2 weeks behind where they should be.

I am not telling you this to give you false hope, but that if you know in your own mind that it is all over, then you are probrably right. But if you like me have doubts, then wait, don't take the tablets yet. You may well miscarry naturally anyway (I had 6 miscarriages prior to this, so I know it is not easy). But if nothing has happened in a couple of weeks then you can request another scan, and by then you might be more able emotionally to cope with taking the tablets.

I hope this does not raise false hope with you, but I am really saying, trust your own instincts, with my previous miscarriages I "knew" before the scans were even done that I had a failing pregnancy, and sure enough went on to loose the pregnancy within a short time. But this time I felt it right to not give up hope, so trust your own instincts. And wait until you are ready before taking the tablets.

I will be thinking of you.

[MrsMcJnr]

Hello Rainbowdays must come and catch up with you and the gang

[Bumperlicious]

No advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Wanderingsheep]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

when I miscarried everything happened spontaneously so don't have any experience with the tablet but I've heard from a friend who miscarried recently that it can make your periods quite eratic.

Please take care of yourself whatever you decide to do. Xx

[louisesh]

I too have had a MMC in Oct 08...it was the worst experience of my life.It was diagnosed at the scan at 12 weeks and totally hit me out of the blue [never expected it in a million years].I tok the tablets later the same week , it was horrible unfortunately.I took 6 hours to stert bleeding then it went on intermittently for 2.5 weeks.

I also had an ERPC at 8 weeks which i found to be much less stressful.

Soo sorry for your experience its horrible.Good luck with your choosen path X

[malteser1981]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom. I had the scan because I 'just knew' that something wasn't right as all my early pregnancy symptoms had disappeared and I had a nagging ache. I'm glad I had the scan to pre warn me that the pregnancy hadn't developed as yesterday I had a terrible day of pain and bleeding which I think I would have found much more distressing if I hadn't already found out that the baby hadn't decveloped. Isn't it funny how my body seemed to be holding off until I knew? I've just got back from EPAC and the scan shows an almost complete miscarriage. I'm glad that nature has taken its course and I was at home with DH. I feel shellshocked and this was a much longed for first baby. I know the ugly stats, but never thought it would be us.....
I'm new to MN and would appreciate directions to a thread for women in the same situation as me. Thanks again.

[birdofthenorth]

Really sorry to hear this malteser -whatever you decide make sure you have someone around to support you.

Take good care of yourself and take all the time you need to begin to feel better.

[hippychick66]

I just found out today that I have had a missed-miscarriage. I was 11.5 weeks and started cramping and spotting. We went for a scan this morning and they said there was no heartbeat. It looks like the baby died at about 8 weeks. I am also in a dilemma. I have an appointment to talk to someone on Monday about my options if it doesn't come away by itself this week-end.

I must confess I'm really scared. I've done labour twice but never had a miscarriage - so am unsure of what to expect.

I feel like I want to got for a D&C - it seems more contolled and not so scary. But i wonder if it would be better to let it happen naturally - better for trying again maybe.

Malteser I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking to have all your dreams snatched away isn't it? Lets hope we both get over this horrid time soon.

[malteser1981]

Hippychick - having never experienced labour I was fearful but I can honestly say that although it was painful - it was nothing cocodamol, a warm bath and a hot water bottle couldn't cure. For me I'm glad I didn't have to make the choice and I was at home with my DH and comfy bed.
Best wishes to you too, hope all goes as smoothly as it can.

[rainbowdays]

Malteser - so sorry that you have had a miscarriage, if it helps there is a thread for those who have had miscarriages, it might help to chat to some who have been through this.

hippychick - so so sorry to hear that you are miscarrying too. If you have started miscarrying already, it might happen over the weekend, please go to the miscarriage thread that I linked to malteser above, as there are several threads there to help you know what you might expect. All my miscarriages were early ones, and so not quite like what you are going through, however I was surprised at how different each of my miscarriages were, so there is no normal to expect unfortunately. But reading some of the threads might help prepare you for what might happen.

I am very sorry for you both and hope that you have plenty of tlc from those around you this weekend to support you.

MrsMc - come to the other thread please!

[hippychick66]

I'm bleeding now but it's not heavy and the pain is coming from my endometriosis more than anything else. If it hasn't happened by Monday when we go back to emergency gynae I think I might ask for a D&C. Am now becoming paranoid that it was molar or something and we wouldn't find out if we went for a natural mc. Am i paranoid or what??

It's so annoying that we weren't able to see anyone yesterday cos they might have been able to tell me exactly what was seen on the scan. I didn't ask at the time cos I was too upset .

How is everyone else??

[MrsBeeb]

malteser - i had a mmc this week - brown show started on sunday and continued on to tues (nothing suggested this was going to turn in to anything at all) - then i unfortunately woke up on wednesday morning and had to go into hospital - docs did scan and there was no baby. i miscarried naturally and am feeling better for that. i have had my fair share of tears and DH has been amazing. letting my body do its own thing i think has helped hormone wise and also with the realisation of whats happened. i was 2 days away from my 12week scan when i had mmc so your body does what it has to when it has to unfortunately. i agree with leningrad when she says don't be cruel to yourself and have a few painkillers to hand. thinking of you at this tough time :0)

[Charliemouse500]

Malteser, MrsBeeb and Hippy - So sorry to hear of your loses. I had a MMC at 12 weeks so I sympathise with what you are going through. My only advice is to be kind to yourselves - I went back to work too quickly thinking I had dealt with all the feelings, when really I had just stored them away for later on Make sure you give yourself time to grieve - it can be hard to explain to people that you are upset for the loss of what might have been.

Best wishes x

[hippychick66]

Thaks for everyone's concerns. I'm booked for an evacuation of blah blah tomorrow at 7.30am. Still not bleeding heavily so hoping it will not all kick-off at home.

I feel once I have dealt with the physical side of things I can think more about the emotional.

I'm sure I will decide to try again so may well catch up with you on the ttc after mc thread. Love to all. So sorry for anyone else going through this or who has been through it previously.

[malteser1981]

Hippychick - the best of luck for tomorrow, my thoughts are with you.

My DH is much more effected than I expected...selfishly I was focused on how I was feeling, he has decided to take a couple of days holiday this week for us to be together. I am I so proud of how he has looked after me and been so brave.

Hope it doesn't sound weird but I can't wait for this bit to be over so we can try again, because if anything the miscarriage has only made me want a baby more, so Hippychick hopefully I will see you out the other side on the TTC again thread in the near future.

[AlbaDeTamble]

Hi Hippy, thinking of you this morning, found you on this thread so figured would be best to chat here rather than old birds pg thread.
Waves to Malteser, hope you're doing ok too and so sorry MrsBeeb. My 12 week scan should have been today, calendar reminder flashed up this morning which really hit me. I keep telling myself it gets better, but day 12 post ERPC and I'm still struggling...
Sorry, was meant to be positive for Hippy, but at least know there's a few of us out here who sadly know what you're going through and it really does help to talk.
Alba x