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How would you feel is a friend used 'your name'?

(92 Posts)
muppety Sat 09-Jul-05 14:47:39

A friend who lives round the corner is pregnant with her second baby. I have 2ds but when I was pregnant both times we discussed names. She knows that we chose a name for a dd ages ago. Anyway I asked her what she was going to call this one. She said if its a girl it will be called x(my name!). I said nothing but was really upset when I got home and said she was planning on using 'our name'.

DH doesn't understand. He says our next might be a boy and if it is a dd we can still use the name. Its a pretty unusual one though and that was the whole point! She is new to the area and all our friends are the same now. I already feel like I know my dd with that name even if she isn't real!

Am I overreacting? I have not said anything to the friend. Not put name on here just incase she is lurking and will guess!!!

suzywong Sat 09-Jul-05 14:48:43

Ummmmm...... get over it.

Sorry to be harsh, don't take it personally but you did ask

WideWebWitch Sat 09-Jul-05 14:49:08

Hmm, not a lot you can do and it's a bit unreasonable imo to be put out especially since you haven't got a dd! Names don't belong to anyone, you can still use it if youhave a dd!

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 14:49:24

you don't own names

spidermama Sat 09-Jul-05 14:51:21

I'm with you Muppety. If it was your idea she could at least have said, 'I wondered if you'd mind us using 'x''. Names are very personal and you can really have your heart set on one.

suzywong Sat 09-Jul-05 14:51:57

has this thing kicked off yet?

WideWebWitch Sat 09-Jul-05 14:52:35

ha ha SW!

Miaou Sat 09-Jul-05 14:53:03

I'm afraid it's just par for the course - you don't have copyright on the name. I understand why you are annoyed, but unfortunately that's life!

It's just one of those things you chalk up to experience - after all, if you had a dd called that name, then she called her dd after yours, there would be nothing you could do about it!

lou33 Sat 09-Jul-05 14:53:28

looks at wong sternly while fingering mod outfit....

spidermama Sat 09-Jul-05 14:55:52

The moral is .... never let anyone know the names you love unless you know you won't be using them. I have been contributing to the 'boys name' thread now I know I won't have another.

Milliways Sat 09-Jul-05 14:56:40

My SIL had 2 boys (then 2 girls). When I was pregnant with DD I was under strict orders from her NOT to use the name she wanted for a girl - but as she uses unusual names & we don't it wasn't a problem.

lou33 Sat 09-Jul-05 14:56:56

v good advice spider...

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 14:57:11

I am still bristling at an woman I used to work with and was quite friendly with, who has a DD who is 5 years older than my DD, who I saw maybe twice a year when we were living 5 mins walk away from each other, who lives 2.5 hours away from me, who said I should change the name I was going to give DD ... and then sent a congratulatory email when DD was born saying she'd 'gotten used to me using her name' .. what a flaming cheek

SenoraPostrophe Sat 09-Jul-05 14:57:46

I was nearly in this position: a friend was preg at the same time as me and we started talking about names. Her girls name and mine were exactly the same (first and middle names were the same).

If ds had been a girl there would have been two babies in the village with the same name. I don't see the problem.

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 14:57:50

why is modlou bristling at Suzy??

muppety Sat 09-Jul-05 14:58:18

Believe me I am a reasonable person and like I said have not said anything to her! Its a v uncommon name (Ihave never met anyone with it) so both of us using it would be odd. Infact rather strange she has thought of it at all IMO.

When we had ds2 I avoided my 3 favourite names as friends had children with them.

Anyway I am interested in your comments. If everyone tells me I am mad then fair enough. If anyone agrees with me then at least I can feel a bit betetr about myself! Prehaps I am a bit sensitive as we have been planning a daughter with that name for 8 years since dh and I got together!!! Could never choose boys names TBH. Not nearly as interesting.

Miaou Sat 09-Jul-05 14:59:34

Twiglett, I wonder if that's my bf - she was FURIOUS when someone told her they were called their dd after her dd - and it wasn't a particularly unusual name!!! (FWIW I told her not to be an arse and she got over it!)

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 14:59:47

of course you are a reasonable person muppety after all you posted here rather than tell new friend she isn't allowed to use a name

everyone gets emotionally attached to the concept of children they don't have yet .. that's normal but its one of those things you have to just swallow down

lou33 Sat 09-Jul-05 14:59:56

am not really twig

muppety Sat 09-Jul-05 15:00:32

Don't think it woudl be a problem if we didn't live in same place and probably not if a 'common name BTW. But it really isn't.

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 15:00:51

don't think so miaou I never said I was calling my DD after hers .. barely knew the child and it didn't even register till she said something at which point I thought WTF

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 15:01:37

if you're not Lou, can I???

<<< bristle at the wong woman >>

(I am stressed and erratic and taking it out on everyone around me .. SNURK)

Twiglett Sat 09-Jul-05 15:02:05

as an aside isn't bristling a lovely term??

suzywong Sat 09-Jul-05 15:02:38

do what
gristle?

lou33 Sat 09-Jul-05 15:03:03

am sure wong can cope with a few bristles from you

if i was really bristling i would have put modlou name on and taken a serious but measured tone

not that suzywong would take any notice of me

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