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does anyone else feel that there 2nd+ pregnancy is surreal???

(24 Posts)
Nemo1977 Sat 09-Jul-05 12:43:27

hi all
am currently 17wks pg with number 2 and have a 20mth old ds. Thing is for both my husband and i this pregnancy is quite surreal. I have had 3mcs in past 2 b4 ds and 1 in dec. Just even when we talk about the baby it doesnt seem like a reality...we both forget i am pg despite me having a bump..the whole thing is quite odd really. Just wondering how we can make it more real as we dont have to decorate a nursery as it is ds moving room..we dont need to buy anything and with running around after ds it seems like he is the focus and we just dont get our head around the baby coming. I am just worried that when the baby comes it will be a shock iykwim.

kama Sat 09-Jul-05 12:56:25

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney Sat 09-Jul-05 12:58:42

My situation wasn't much different with number 2 - I'd had two miscarriages before, one before each baby, and I think it feels unreal to protect you from getting too involved, until things are "safe". Well, they are safe at 17 weeks, but you know what I mean.

I found it became real when I could feel the baby moving about. Even then, though, I found I wasn't as engrossed with my pregnancy, as I had DS1 to chase about. But I think that's nicer, anyway - when you're really focussed on it, those 9 months take forever.

Nemo1977 Sat 09-Jul-05 12:58:52

kama i have a doppler which i use everyday as ds loves to hear baby and we have discussed names but it just seems like we are talking about and listening to someone else..i have my next scan on 9th aug so hoping it will be more real then

dramaqueen72 Sat 09-Jul-05 13:00:02

oh should of known it was you nemo! of course you already know i feel exactly the same....I'm hoping the scan/big movements felt/cot/buggy arriving will kick me into reality.
how about just changing the bedding or rug or something in the nursery? or doing up ds's room to help you felt things have changed? I guess when the babys here we will BOTH have to believe it! right now this middle stage is surreal anyhow............

Nemo1977 Sat 09-Jul-05 13:00:50

NQC thats how i feel like i am trying to make myself safe as our last baby in dec was a missed mc not found till 15wks so edd was couple of weeks ago but i just dont seem to be able to accept this baby is going to happen. When i think oo dec there will be a baby it seems like the words r there but they dont mean anything...guess im just odd

Nemo1977 Sat 09-Jul-05 13:01:58

lol DQ yes its me..ive been trying to be positive and talk about when baby is here but it all feels fake.

NotQuiteCockney Sat 09-Jul-05 13:13:31

Eh, Nemo, I felt exactly the same way. The baby didn't really feel entirely "real" until he was here, although he felt slightly more real when I could feel him moving.

And despite all this, I think I have a better bond with DS2 than with DS1 (largely because had a better "birth" and better start, generally).

Don't worry, it all works out. Oh, and those miserable first six weeks go by like a blur. It just feels like yesterday that DS2 was born, and he's 9.5 weeks, and crawling everywhere.

NotQuiteCockney Sat 09-Jul-05 13:14:45

There's nothing wrong or weird about trying to protect your feelings by not getting too attached to the baby now.

You know, I think I read somewhere that when infant mortality was more normal, mums didn't get that attached to newly born babies (particularly if they were small or sickly) as they knew there was a good chance the baby wasn't going to live.

Nemo1977 Sat 09-Jul-05 16:37:44

NQC thanks for that suppose it is just self preservation

fruitful Sat 09-Jul-05 17:00:30

NQC there are some cultures where it was (is?) traditional not to name a baby for a year, for that reason .

2nd pg was just completely different. No opportunity for navel-gazing or obsessing. Not much opportunity for baby-gazing once they're born either. But hey, 2nd baby has all the advantages of a ready-made sibling, and parents that (sort-of) know what they're doing.

morningpaper Sat 09-Jul-05 17:20:11

I agree with fruitful - I am 28 weeks with no. 2 and have hardly given it a thought compared to my obsessing with no. 1! I know I'm going to go into labour and hardly have any memories of this pregnancy at all. In some ways it's a bit sad but in others it's nice - I'm worrying less.

Good luck!

Redhelen Sat 09-Jul-05 18:43:25

I think I have alot of denial going on - I have 5 year old son and had a mc last year - and really struggled to get pregnant - was just about to start clomid when I conceived. I think I feel so pressured about the baby/birth that I worry about all my pregancy alliments to keep my mind off it! My life too feels very surreal currently and I'd really like the baby to be here now! I'm 31 weeks so got a good while yet - I've felt very odd since 25 weeks!

sweetkitty Sat 09-Jul-05 18:55:17

I don't feel very pregnant with no 2 (13 weeks) with DD I was obsessed with pregnancy and babies now a day can go past and I'm like "oh I forgot I'm pregnant!"

MrsDoolittle Sat 09-Jul-05 18:58:04

sweetkitty , you describe my feelings too

Tinker Sat 09-Jul-05 19:00:01

My 2nd is 7 weeks now and it is still quite surreal

hunkermunker Sat 09-Jul-05 19:06:55

I could have written sweetkitty's post!

sweetkitty Sat 09-Jul-05 19:10:29

this is going to sound weird but even when I was huge at the end I still didn't equate that with having my own little baby! I could feel her kicking yet it was surreal, was about 4 hours after she was born DP went home and it was just me and her when it suddenly hit me "your my baby OMG" never forget that moment. (must go get tissue preg hormones

hunkermunker Sat 09-Jul-05 19:11:34

SK! Stop writing posts I could have!

sweetkitty Sat 09-Jul-05 19:21:29

bonkerz Sat 09-Jul-05 20:19:20

Oh babe, You know how i feel about all this and i spend all day every day REMINDING myself im pregnant and trying to plan for december BUT it doesnt feel real either. I think what NQC said about the unreal feeling protecting us is true, you and dh have been through alot to get baby nemo and the enormity of it all wont hit till you hold him/her in your arms and smell his/her skin. When i try to visualise that moment for myself (apart from crying) i just cant quite get the vision, it just seems to far away to grasp, Obviously we have to come round at some point cos our little miracles are going to turn our world upside down in december and as strong mothers we need to be prepared for that!
Eat a mars bar, Buy something from mothercare and start washing in baby bath!!
(i think in August we should do some baby fred and nemo shopping when we meet in balckpool!!)
Love ya babe

BEKsmum Sun 10-Jul-05 00:10:28

It always amazes me that someone on MN can always manage to cover an emotion I'm feeling and make me feel better about it. I'm 22 weeks pregnant with no.2 and although I can feel it moving very strongly I still can't get my head around the fact that this child will be here in November.

Can quite understand Nemo's worries that the baby will come as a shock to all of us and I'm also worried about my ds's reaction to the newbie.

I should say I'm very lucky, my ds is wonderful as in my husband but I just find I'm too busy to worry about being pregnant so thanks everyone for making me feel normal in my response to this pregnancy. Hope you all have safe and happy pregnancies and that we can compare notes on our little "surreal" people when they eventually appear.

kate100 Sun 10-Jul-05 08:19:47

I feel like this too, I'm 37+1 and the way things are going I'll be packing and arranging things for this baby when I'm in labour!!! Things are kind of done, but not in the way that they were for DS. I'd packed my hospital bag at 34 weeks last time, now I haven't even got the case out. Also last time I used the Bounty book like an advent calendar and as soon as it was a new week I would read to see what was going on in that week. This time I have other things to do. Ds is nearly 2 and needs me to take care of him. It simply doesn't seem real even at this late stage when it really could be any day that a baby's coming and I need to prepare for it. Having said all that, for all I can't imagine myself bringing home a baby, I can see my DS with his new sibling very clearly, as I think that's what I'm most looking forward to seeing, I just love the idea of him being a big brother. Nemo from my experience I think that what your feeling is completely normal and I know that DH feels exactly the same. I think we're expecting to much of ourselves, after all our lives are completely different to last time, why shouldn't our lives be? Right must go and do something or baby will be sleeping in a drawer

Nemo1977 Sun 10-Jul-05 09:22:25

thanks all for making me think im slightly less mad...lol I am sure once baby is here it will be veryy reall but at the min i just cant kick my head into gear about it..lol with ds emmas diay n bounty thing were my bible as well as what to expect while ur expecting etc..this time i have to conciously think ooo im xx wks pregnant when someone asks.

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