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Newly Pregnant and Scared

(79 Posts)
NellyE Mon 25-Jan-10 11:46:57

I'd really like some help if anyone can offer any. I'm 34 and found out a week ago I'm pregnant with my first. Since then, I've just felt totally freaked out. It was planned, but happened very quickly. Since I found out I've just felt scared and worried - I can't seem to summon any excitement or happiness about what's ahead. Everything's going to change and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope.

This makes me feel terrible, as I know there are so many people who would kill to be in my position, and I know I should be more grateful.

Did anyone else feel like this when they got pregnant? And is there anything I can do to help with these negative feelings and stop being so damn freaked out?

If you can offer any reassurance, I'd love to hear it. Thank you.

beannachd Sun 15-Jul-12 19:59:39

Hi there,

I was on this thread last year about my pregnancy experience. I was definitely not the only one feeling terrified, tearful, horrible etc. That was a massive comfort to me. I have been wondering how everyone is now? Did things change? Get better, worse? I thought I'd give you an update on my story, then maybe some of you can add yours too?

A few weeks after my post, I ended up in hospital as I actually had an ectopic pregnancy. At the time, I didn't feel any emotion. I thought I was fine. I had my own room in the hospital, was quite happy eating toast, ( my op had to be postponed as it was Easter and short staffed! )

The only time I felt emotion was when I should have been due. I started a new job for an online well known retailer. I used to get upset and angry when women would call and complain their baby clothes were taking too long to arrive. I wanted to scream - at least you have a baby!!. There was a huge baby boom
In my close circle of friends, one woman, and my partners brothers girlfriend called their daughters the name I had my heart set on calling
any daughter of mine. That was a massive blow too, and still don't speak to one of them because of it. Immature I know, but I was so upset. Then one of my other friends got pregnant straight away at 40 and morbidly obese!

Anyway all of that made ne feel awful and excluded, as it was all baby talk. Finally after over a year, I got a positive result on Saturday last week. I felt none of the emotion I did last year. I don't think I have it in me anymore! I cried myself dry. I go for my scan on the 23rd, and am very excited. So far so good anyway.

I realise this is long winded, but really wanted to update you. I'd love to here how everyone else is. Apart from looking you all up
Individually which might be a bit time consuming!

Hope all is well.
Lots of love x

LPE68 Mon 23-Jul-12 13:14:30

Just found this thread and am so relieved I have. After two failed attempts at IVF with donor eggs we found out on Thursday that I am pregnant on the third and last attempt. I am 44 and after 7 years I thought this was what I really wanted, so can't understand why I am so scared and waking up terrified. My poor husband is completely bewildered and I hate the fact that my reaction is upsetting him. I have to start a new job next week and now I am full of fear about managing this and wondering if I've done the right thing getting pregnant. Feel so selfish as I know many, many women would be so happy to have got the news we did last week. I thought I would be too!

Things aren't helped by my two step daughters reactions, which has not been good and is upsetting my husband even more. They are 14 and 17.

Am I going insane to fell this terrified and confused?!

Saretta Mon 23-Jul-12 16:11:31

LPE68, I don't think that what you are feeling is abnormal. I am nearly 38 and 6 weeks pregnant for the first time. It took about 9 months for me to get pregnant, after taking clomid and to be honest I was beginning to think it may just not happen for us. This baby is very much wanted and planned, first for us both, but I still feel in shock that I am pregnant. When I got the positive result, I think I was in shock, I just felt quite numb rather than elated, even though we were (are) thrilled!

I think that when it takes some time to get pregnant, we get used to the idea of it not happening, even though we want it to. When it finally does happen, it is just such a shock...and so final! All the theoretical thoughts and discussions on having a child, what to call it, how to raise it are suddenly real.

As much as I am thrilled AND a little bit terrified, I am also scared that something will go wrong. It's still such early days, so am just trying to ignore all these conflicting emotions, take care of myself and fingers crossed all will be well. Whilst I used to be nervous in the 2ww, symptom spot etc, I never thought I would still feel this way once pregnant - I thought once I had managed to get pregnant that would be it, nerves and worrying over! Ha, how wrong was I...

Ignore your stepdaughters' reactions for now, they are probably just surprised, maybe not wanting to share dad's attention or just grossed out by the idea that a baby means their father is having sex! I am sure once the baby arrives they will be thrilled by their new little sibling.

Mrsb999 Mon 23-Jul-12 18:21:33

NellyE I too have just found out I'm pregnant (3 weeks) and we started trying 3 weeks ago! With me it hasn't actually sunk in yet, massive congratulations to you though x

Mrsb999 Mon 23-Jul-12 18:22:21

Ooops just noticed this is a really old thread!

Rubie44 Tue 24-Jul-12 22:37:24

Hi, LPE68 can I just say thank you for posting and to everyone else who has too. Our situations sound similar. I am also 44 and have conceived after 5 years of Ivf, this time with donor eggs from a frozen cycle. It was our last chance and i had come to terms emotionally with the strong possibility we would be childless. But it worked and i am now 9 months pregnant. Initially I was shocked but overjoyed, but as the weeks have gone on and the reality has sunk in- we've had two scans already and seen and heard strong heartbeat- I've started to feel more and more overwhelmed by it all. It's everything that others on here have said- fear about the future, how things will change, my ability to cope, loss of control over my body and my life, fears about my age and feeling that I've made a terrible mistake. I keep thinking the feelings will pass but i wake up feeling like this and i go to bed feeling like this. I feel ashamed and pathetic, especially because it is all i have talked and dreamt about for the last five years. Now that it has happened, I feel i should be overjoyed, not depressed and overwhelmed and panic stricken. I finally told my dh last night and although he's extremely supportive and loving, I know he's at a loss to know what to say to me. I've decided to go to see my gp tomorrow and see if she can offer any advice or help. I want to talk to my sister and to friends but feel they won't understand. It has helped hugely to see that i am not entirely alone in feeling like this. Thank you for posting LPE68 and i hope we both feel better soon- I know what the Ivf journey takes out of you and how big a decision it is to opt for donor eggs- we deserve now to be able to enjoy these days so hard won. Please feel free to keep in touch if you feel it would help :-)

Rubie44 Tue 24-Jul-12 22:41:47

Sorry, just reread my post - am 9 weeks, not 9 months pregnant- actually made me smile to see the mistake, something i haven't been doing too much of- pregnancy brain :-D

Gingerelle Thu 26-Jul-12 03:59:03

Hi all, I posted on here back in dec 2011 when I was absolutely terrified about being pregnant. I just wanted to reassure anyone else coming across this post that things really do get better. Me and dp were so scared and although it's still nerve wracking we are now 37 weeks preg and v looking forward to meeting our little one. I never thought I would get to this point or feel this way, but it really just needed a bit of time. Good luck everyone xx

beannachd Sun 29-Jul-12 17:49:41

Sorry! It was me who bumped the thread back up smile I must be about 6 weeks gone now, and the old feelings if being utterly terrified of being pregnant are starting to emerge again. It's good to read posts from people feeling similar who understand, and ones who have felt like this before and are now feeling better.

It's just so overwhelming!

Bluestarlady Sat 04-Aug-12 06:10:00

Like many others I can only say THANKS SO Much for this post and for everyone who has replied. I feel a little more normal now and have copied and pasted some of the comments for future reference so I can re-read again.

I am nearly 37 and have been with my fiance in a very happy and secure relationship for 3 years. I found out a week ago that I am pregnant (now 7 weeks) and I have been in shock ever since I did the test and have been struggling to cope with the flood of emotions and list of things I am scared about (I thought it might be useful to write down what I was feeling scared about and filled a whole side of A4!)

We had been TTC for a few months (checking temperature, peeing on sticks) but the positive result was a shock as I had been told about 5 year ago that there was a 90% chance I would need fertility help. It has been a big shock for me to have my life literally change overnight.

We haven't told anyone apart from the gp and yoga instructor and I am finding this really hard too. My mum was a midwife before she retired but DP thinks it would be unfair to tell her and not his mum as he can't trust her to keep it a secret. I am 24hrs a day with morning sickness and feeling rotten which I am sure is not helping.

It has been great to read that I am not alone in how I am feeling.


beannachd Mon 06-Aug-12 22:25:00

One of the things that I've found hard is that the few books I gave read, all show these happy coupley scenes when there is a positive pregnancy result. There are words I absolutely did not feel personally, such as 'joy' 'delight' 'excitement'. Infact, I think lots of women don't feel these emotions straight away. I do feel bad for not jumping with joy. But I'm not. I'm scared, I have no idea what to expect, I have mo experience with babies.

It's not to say that I have regrets, that I don't want this, or I'll be a bad parent because of this. Personally, I have no symptoms at all. Lucky I know ( although I'm only 7 or 8 weeks! ) I sometimes forget I'm pregnant! Maybe this is part of it. But remember 9 months is a loooooong time to get used to things. Some people react in different ways, and that's ok. When I had my first ante natal appointment last week, there was an emphasis on how I was feeling mentally about it. There is help out there if required, so that tells me it must be more common than you think.

Pregnancy, parenting is life changing. There's no getting away from that. This is my first baby, and I have no clue how parenthood will be. That's the scary thing. But I'm sure you pick it up pretty quickly! And get to know everything about your baby.

Anyway, give yourself time. There is no right or wrong way to feel at the moment, I'm not letting it occupy my every thought, as it's just so early. I'm keeping healthy, taking folic acid etc. But not planning too far ahead or even thinking of buying stuff yet. Plenty of time at the moment. just take it bit by bit, and don't be afraid to speak to your midwife. Even make an early appointment if necessary ( I had to do that with my last pregnancy )

You're def not alone.

AF77 Tue 05-Feb-13 12:07:38

I know this is an old thread but I'm hoping others out there will reassure me that I'm not going mad!! I'm 7 weeks pregnant with #1 and happily married. I've suffered from anxiety attacks from being 'out of control' in a variety of situations for many years and have taken very mild medication to help.

Whilst I (we) really really want a baby and have always said we'll try as soon as we got married (5mths ago), now it is happening I am panicking and becoming anxious. I want a baby but I don't want to be pregnant - don't laugh, I know one comes with the other!! I am so anxious about not being in control of my body and how I physically feel, I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next 9mths.

We're very happy and long for the 9mths to go quickly, but I keep crying, feeling sick (through anxiety and nerves rather than morning sickness) and am hoping that others can relate. I'm not anxious about whether we're doing the right thing or anything like that, it is purely the being pregnant bit that I'm dreading and I want it to be over already. sad

EggyM Tue 05-Feb-13 12:27:04

Just seen that this thread has been resurrected. I actually wrote on this thread over a year ago under a different name as I was pregnant with a planned baby but was suddenly totally terrified about how I would cope. However my pregnancy actually ended in a suspected ectopic and spontaneous miscarriage, resulting in me later having to have a fallopian tube removed and possibly the worst year of my life. I can safely say that put everything into perspective and I realised then that I really did want that baby more than anything despite the worries.

I actually felt horribly guilty afterwards for writing on this thread. (Not that I'm saying this is how you should feel - just how I felt afterwards)

I am now thankfully pregnant again (and have made it to 15 weeks smile ) and realised I have had a lot of the same worries again - it's a massive change and a massive responsibility and hormones are going crazy and making you cry and worry about everything anyway. BUT I am nowhere near as scared as I was last time - I know this is the thing I most want and I am so grateful and happy that I am here again.

There are always going to be worries about your body, the baby, your life after baby, but I think that is only natural and you need to just take a step back and think about why you wanted to do this in the first place and focus on that.

Gingerbreadpixie Tue 05-Feb-13 13:56:41

I could have written the original post here too. I got pg first try, found out at 3 weeks or something ridiculously early like that and went into complete shock.

AF77 I too suffer from bad anxiety and have developed what my doctor believes is OCD with the pg too. Lots of worrying, intrusive thoughts. Feeling v out of control and fearful of "contaminating" the pregnancy. I've been off work for 3 weeks already and only just starting to feel a bit calmer and a bit more rational. I'm 10 weeks now. Have you considered talking about stronger meds with your GP? I'm personally trying to do this without meds but if it takes a turn for the worse I wouldn't hesitate.

AF77 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:43:57

Hi, I went back to my GP the day after writing on here and she put me straight back on my medication full time (I'd previously reduced it about 6mths ago). There is no known risk to the baby and she advised that right now, sorting me out is a priority.

We're only 9wks but I have told a few friends who know about my anxiety and panic attacks and I have to say doing both of these things is really helping. I'm sure everything I am feeling is 'normal' and just heightened by my already existing anxiety condition.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the next 7mths but right now I've got a much more positive outlook. I'm taking each day as it comes and when I have a 'wobble' I know I have people around me who might not fully understand but they know how to calm me down.

Thanks for your kind words and look forward to hearing how you get on.


DanniiH Fri 15-Feb-13 11:56:37

With my 1st I had a 3rd day freak out! We planned it and conceived right away, were all excited then on the 3rd day of knowing I just cried and thought what the hell have I done! After that I was fine again. It is justs because you know life will change but trust me it changes for the better. I bet you just need a few days to get your head around it.

Congratulations on your amazing news!!! x

Stresshead34 Fri 15-Feb-13 18:08:03

NellyE, I feel exactly the same. I am also 34 and found out at last week, I am nearly 5 weeks!!! Even though DH and I were trying, it happened first time. I think I have gone into shock and feel a little (alot) overwhelmed by the whole thing as I didn't think it would happen straight away!!!! I am sooo scared!!! So thanks for posting this and thanks for the comments!! My DH is soooo excited!!! Whilst I am trying to read up on everything - there is sooo much to do/know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!

Kasey12 Wed 20-Feb-13 18:05:07

I also wrote on here previously. I've changed my name though. I have less than a month to go and I'm still terrified. Everyone around me is so excited and waiting with baited breath. Sometimes I get so scared that I wish I could make it all disappear. I'm scared of labour, I'm tired of hearing how awful the sleepless nights are. I got a link to this 'humorous' advert which was a lady rapping about her kids and how hard it was ( I think it was for a car ). I panicked so much, I just deleted it and cried.

I have never been excited about being pregnant, and I'm
annoyed that everyone I've confided in tells me it's all hormones. I'm so scared. I hope it all falls into place when the baby arrives.

Vangirl79 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:28:22

Almost every post could have been written by me. 2 years ago or now. Us there anyone lurking on this thread? I'm so glad I found it. Ive read about prenatal depression before but this thread is amazing (not that we feel this way, but to know we are not alone). I find out on a week if I'm pregnant and I hope I'm not...even though we tried for it. 2 years ago I was preg (wanted) and got so terrified I terminated. Now I want to try again and the same feelings are popping up. Is this how I truly feel?? Maybe motherhood is not for me.

simmi75 Mon 29-Apr-13 17:37:31

hello all, I am too thankful for this thread. A long complicated history - I am 37 and pregnant (maybe 3.5 weeks). I have always wanted a child, but its my partner that I have never been sure about (although we have been together 5 years....). I am of a traditional mindset and if I have this baby, i will have to marry him. I am torn. the idea of being stuck with him for rest of my life is horrifying, he is an OK guy but I think i could have done so much better...I need help, please...

pregnancy itself doesnt scare me. its the idea of being with that man for the rest of my life, the idea of being STUCK. having a dependent child, loosing freedom and perhaps its also my fear of growing up...

RedRobin1 Tue 14-May-13 17:20:26

I am so glad to have found this thread. I am 5+3 and we have been trying for this baby for almost a year. Very much planned and wanted. But since the day I found out, I have been overwhelmed with shock, fear and anxiety. I haven't looked at any baby shopping websites (which I used to regularly look at when I was broody)

My parents and sister are so excited but their excitement is making me more nervous and anxious. I don't know why I feel this way. For a whole year while trying I used to imagine the day I would get a BFP and how happy I would be. But now with the sickness kicking in - I feel so rough and don't even want to plan ahead.

I am scared whether I will be a good parent - how will I cope with being a mum, how will I cope in a very stressful and demanding job while being pregnant. I just feel so scared and anxious. I wake up feeling so unhappy, tired and rough.

I want this baby so bad I don't understand why I am feeling this way. I can only hope it's not going to last for long. I haven't shared my worries with DH as not sure if he will understand.

jewelz74 Thu 16-May-13 07:16:02

I am 39 and just found out that I am pregnant. This will be my first child. Like almost everyone here, I found this thread doing a search for "pregnant and scared". I have been wanting to have a baby for awhile and have finally found the right partner to have one with. I for some years thought it would never happen for me and was prepared for the notion. Now here I am. I am a little excited but not as much as those around me. I feel bad about that and it is because I am more terrified. I haven't talked about it much and the more it is brought up by others, the more scared I get. I thought containing it would keep me calm. My partner and I told our families and a few of my friends know. My partner is so excited that he announced it to all his friends on fb. I on the other hand have not because I am trying to wrap my head around it still (just found out this past friday). I am also prone to anxiety anddepression but wondered also if this whas just normal for expecting your first. What should I do from here? I am 4 weeks along or so. Thanks!

kc85 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:49:27

I too googled "Pregnant & scared", Im 28 and always wanted to be a mum, i love my nieces and nephews to death and everyone tells me id make a brilliant mother! However 2 years ago i found out i was pregnant and when the reality kicked in i was petrified, ive always suffered with anxiety and depression and so i terminated! Now Im 5 weeks, but unlike so many of the previous comments i have no husband or OH, im alone! The panick, anxiety have all kicked in again, i feel completely unmaternal and ashamed! The termination last time was horrific but all i can think about is how much i want my life back! Ive always been a "free spirit" travelled alot and i feel like ill never have that freedom again! Im so lost.

newtoallthis1974 Thu 24-Apr-14 17:08:04

i know its an old thread, but like many here i googled "pregnant and scared" and found this. The repsonses here have helped me, particularly the over 35s... i'm 39 and we'd been trying for a year, mainly because we wanted to have "at least tried" before i got too old... could never get my other half to commit before then. thing is, now we're pregnant (found out 3 days ago, at 5 weeks) he is delighted and i am absolutely terrified. Totally. Crying all the time. Full of can i do this can i cope, should i not even have it (which swings fully into of course i have to we were trying for it, how can i not), i'm totally scared of all of it, the life change, the doctors, the responsibility, everything - i can't cope, or so it feels. We have no friends, just my family - none of whom have had kids or want them (apart from my mum obviously! but at the mo she keeps telling me maybe i cant manage), neither me nor my partner had ever known any kids since we were kids ourselves (and the 70s and 80s are a long time ago!). I'm terrified, i feel like why did we do this, can i do this? Can i cope? We're loving people and he tells me just the way i am with the cats shows me i'll be a good parent - which sounds ridiculous in this context! I'm terrified. When he's out at work all day it's all down to me, ME. Shy useless me.
Maybe the hormones settle down... maybe.. but i worry i'll feel like this all the way through til it's born and it looks up at me burps and smiles (and poos)

Thurlow Thu 24-Apr-14 17:18:49

Hi new - people don't tend to read zombie threads all the time, you might be best starting your own thread on pregnancy or chat?

Congratulations - and it is fine to be terrified. Most of us were!

But do start a new thread, then you'll have more freedom to talk about the specific things that are scaring you x

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