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(134 Posts)
AnotherHelen Wed 29-Jun-05 11:08:27

Im growing more and more worried about how i might react to the sex of my baby! i hate that im even writing this as there are far more important things than this, but, i have 2 boys already and my sister has a son also, she recently gave birth to a girl and now she and my mum and partner are worried that i may be very dissapointed if i get another boy, i am a very maternal person and there's no way i could ever look at any of my babies and feel disapointed!! but what if they are right? what if when he/she is born and they say its a boy, how will that feel? id hate to think i could EVER feel dissapointed about a baby, has anyone been in this situation? how did it work out?
Helen 28+1 xxxxx

coldtea Wed 29-Jun-05 11:52:39

Helen, you could be my sister writing this!

I had a boy & my sister had 2 boys. My 2nd child was a girl & my sisters was another boy.

She decided to find out the sex of her 3rd at the 23 week scan & then told everyone. If there was a disapointment on her part, she didn't show it. I know she is proud of her family of 3 boys.

I think the worst part for her was other people that felt the need to say things like, "did you wish you'd had a girl", or "will you keep trying till you get a girl" or "3 boys" like people had never seen 3 boys together!

Sometimes she has admitted that my dd can make her broody for a girl, but for now she is content to enjoy her neice & her stop at 3 children. Hth

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:57:18

When ds3 was born, I knew dh was disappointed he was not a girl. He had convinced himslef it would be a girl. (I had a girl and 2 boys from a prev marriage). We went on to have another baby and for the first time I asked the sex at 20 weeks. It was a boy and my dh was again disappointed. I wanted to know though so he would get used to the idea by the time he was born.

Now, dh is so pleased and proud with his 2 boys and he wouldn't change them for the world. I know though that he secretly longs for a girl of his own but knows we are unlikely to have any more.

AnotherHelen Wed 29-Jun-05 12:17:29

Oh thanks coldtea! i did find out the sex of my other babies at the 20 week scan but decided not to with this one so we have no idea at all! i think i may have a hard time with people saying things especially my family! and i like your dh QueenEagle have kinda convinced myself that this is a girl - i know i shouldnt have but i cant help it! i LOVE my boys though they are great! im sure a third would be lovely!!! xxxx

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 12:23:09

Oh I wouldn't be without my 4 boys, they are fantastic all of them! I love it as I was such a tomboy and I still love oplaying football with them and doing the rough and tumble stuff. And I have a dd too which is great as she is really girly, the opposite to me when I was young! I get to go shopping for clothes with her, she nicks some of mine and it's great doing hair and make-up together.

I would hate to be able to choose the sex of babies - you get what you are given and should be thankful they are healthy.

rodeo1 Wed 29-Jun-05 21:13:48

My MIL says 'you always feel a little dissapointed for the baby you didn't have' which I have found to be true. When I had my dd, I felt for the boy I never had and when I had ds I felt for the dd2 I never had! Not for long though, obviously now I wouldn't have it any other way and I'm sure you'll be the same.

When you don't find out the sex you do build up scenario's of what it will be like with both boy or girl, so one set of dreams is gone when you have the baby.

I wonder if you have a girl, you'll feel for the ds3 you haven't had?

ja9 Wed 29-Jun-05 21:32:39

rodeo1 i felt like that too...

because i didnt know what i was having, i was mentally preparing myself for a boy, and also for a girl. so when baby was born (DS), i had to let go of the idea of a girl.... and it would have been exactly the same if i'd had a dd ie. having to let go of idea of a boy...

this was such a strange feeling! it means i would probably want to find out sex of baby next time.

jamiesam Wed 29-Jun-05 21:41:25


When I was pg with ds2, I was convinced he was a she. I was scared in case I was wrong and would be disappointed in not having a girl, but I told so many people that it just felt like I was having a girl. When I gave birth, the doctor handed my baby straight to me and I got to announce to everybody - 'oh, it's a boy' - and I was just so pleased and happy with him that I never felt the sadness that I feared. (Having said that we are now trying for no. 3 and I hope that I can be the same frame of mind if I get pg and it turns out to be another boy!)

(From me, another Helen!)

Redhelen Thu 30-Jun-05 11:24:45

Hello Helen's

Would you be able to find out what the baby is?

I asked at my 21 week scan (against DH wishes!) as I needed to get my head around it - I have sons and many freinds/family members had had daughters recently - I wanted to know in case I snapped at 'careless comments' after the birth.

I was told she's a girl - I was delighted and then even a little disapponted as son's really love their mums! Take care helenxx

HappyMumof2 Thu 30-Jun-05 13:48:54

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AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 13:49:47

Well i have missed my opportunity to find out baby's sex at my 20 week scan as im now 28 weeks and already had it and didnt ask - dp didnt want to ask! i think it would have been easier for me if i HAD found out at that scan as then i would have had 3/4 months to get used to the idea! This will definatley be our last baby so if its another boy then its just tough! but i would feel so bad a nd so guilty if the Dr says 'its a boy' and i think 'oh god!' i cant believe for a second that i will but what if i do and cant help it! - i maybe having some kind of pregnancy induced worry session! i really should be more bothered about just having a healthy baby!! xxxxx

jessicasmummy Thu 30-Jun-05 13:51:50

AH - im with you hun. Im expecting number 2 in october, and DESPERATE for a boy, really concerned i will be dissapointed with a girl.... even to the extent im considering whether i would BF a girl or not.... IM NASTY. I know things will be completely different once baby is here, but i so want a boy - its all girls in our family and im sick of pink!

AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 13:54:27

For what its worth i really felt i knew ds1 was a boy and was right! and then with ds2 she asked at my 20 week scan if i wanted to know as she had a good view and i said i know what it is its a boy and she laughed and said i was right! this time dp wouldnt let me ask and made a point of saying when we went in please dont even look! but i really feel strongly that its a girl - i would put money on it! but is it wishful thinking???? i have even gone out and bought a few girls clothes and i have a name (or 2!!!) andi keep calling her 'she' i really really cant help but think of her as anything but a 'she'! - god, i hope im not going bonkers!!! xxx

HappyMumof2 Thu 30-Jun-05 13:57:15

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AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 13:57:36

LOL!!jessicasmummy! its typical isnt it? i think people just kind of expect to get one of each and thats it (and most do i think) but, i have to say i LOVE breastfeeding but im not sure how i would feel about bfeeding a girl??? is that a bit strange of me?? but im pretty damn sick of blue things!!! xxx

jessicasmummy Thu 30-Jun-05 14:00:01

tell you what AH - we'll do a swap!!!

I was adament JEss was a boy, and dont get me wrong, it didnt cross my mind once that she wasnt what i wanted, but she is a real daddy's girl and I WANT A MUMMY'S BOY!

i gave up BF after 4 days with jess, we just couldnt get on with it, and she even struggles to take a bottle from me sometimes, but will wolf it down for daddy.... i want that closeness with my "baby boy"

AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 14:00:41

Happymumof2 - lol!! i think men and smells DO go together !!! i had no problems at all with my first pregnancy - not even a headache! - a boy, i never stopped throwing up and balling my head off with with no.2 - a boy! and this time i am fine felt like i had a hangover for the first 12 weeks but other then that, im fine! - although i do have really bad back ache with this one all the time! i never had that before. xxxx

HappyMumof2 Thu 30-Jun-05 14:01:25

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jessicasmummy Thu 30-Jun-05 14:04:08

jealous now mumof2!

Oh well, only 16 weeks til i find out -- and ill probably eat my words and say "look at my gorgeous little girl!!!"

AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 14:05:17

JM- my first was bfed for about a week and i hated it! he nevr settled with me but did for daddy! and like you said, he wouldnt take food of me but always did his daddy! - infact the odd occasion he did take food of me, 99% of the time he would hurl it all back up at me! (didnt realise i was quite so repulsive!lol!!) my second son is definatley a mummys boy we always spend ages cuddling and playing and i bfed him for just over 6 months - it just worked out that way! Good idea on the swap too! lol!!! xxx

Fimbo Thu 30-Jun-05 14:09:47

I already had a dd and with my second pregancy I definately wanted another girl, my dh was not bothered either way. When he realised that we had a ds he was concerned about me, but I fell in love with my beautiful baby boy straight away and now could never imagine life with 2 girls.

whiteriver Thu 30-Jun-05 14:21:22

I'm 25 weeks pg with my second. my first is a boy and I would love a girl just to have a set. With my boy we were all convinced it was a girl so noone is passing comment this time. I do feel different and I get under bump pains at the end of the day which I didn't with sg.

AnotherHelen Thu 30-Jun-05 14:25:38

Hmm, i can never tell if different pregnancy symptoms = different sex or not??? im not sure!! and i think dp is worried about my reaction to another boy too! the worst reaction i could have is moderate dissapointment for an hour and then i'd get over it! - it wouldnt be dissapointment over my baby! - i just want to go out and buy pink stuff!! xxx

jessicasmummy Thu 30-Jun-05 14:28:39

im having a comletely different pg too.... not sure what it means, and no-one can confirm for me either! DH has it in his head its a boy this time, but i think thats for my benefit!

He also reckons we will keep gonig til we get a boy (yeah, coz he's the one at work all day!)

We've decided on 3 kids, but getting these 2 off to school first - a 15 month age gap is gonna be hard work, so want some peace with the next one!

Mamatoto Thu 30-Jun-05 14:29:35

Dear AH,

I felt worried like you. This was my fourth child and although I had a girl ( and two boys ) I dearly wanted another. I was worried and would confide in dh that i was not sure i would love it if it were a boy. I had dearly loved ( and still do) all my children but just yearned for another girl. When my third boy was born dh hesitated before telling me what is was. He said he was so unsure how I would react. I WAS disappointed but in all honesty this lasted minutes. By 3 days later I actually heared myself saying how glad i was it was a boy...I can still barely believe that i was so pleased so soon. I REALLY did not want one. He is now 2.5 and worshipped. A sunnier softer happier child you could not meet. he has long hair and people joke and say its cos I wanted a girl but its not its just because he is beautiful inside and out! PLEASE dont spoil your pregnancy by worrying.....I had just jealousy of all my Girl- mummy friends and it ALL just washed away in love!

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