Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Wk 33 and husband acting strange??

16 replies

Yikess · 09/11/2009 20:15

Im 33 weeks pregnant and getting closer to the day bubs will be here but in the last week my husband has been acting really weird with me. For no reason he picks arguments and behaves childishly. Like shouting at me because I asked him where he was on the phone when he was driving home, telling me he was sick of my voice when we had only been in the same room for 5 minutes and most recently storming out of the house because he spelt a word wrong on a card after asking me how to spell it.

Ive just been trying to ignore it all but its making me really upset and tearful and I dont know what to do - Ive thought really hard about what I might have done and I can honestly say I havent done anything that is wrong. I almost feel like telling him to get out but I dont mean it and this should be our happiest days.

Can someone just tell me this is normal???

BTW he also acted really weird 3 weeks before we got married and I think that was cold feet!

OP posts:

Report

Time2Hibernate · 09/11/2009 20:22

Sounds like he's may be finding it difficult. Is he approachable enough for you to have a sensible talk?

Time2Hibernate · 09/11/2009 20:38

Bump - someone may be able to offer some support here?

Yikess · 09/11/2009 20:43

Unfortunately hes a reflector so he tends to think about things alot and then suddenly come out with whats on his mind - If I approach it too early then he just closes up and pretends that its all in my head. I just dont get it because I know hes excited about the birth and baby etc. It might be also that he does suffer from SAD although this is another thing that he tries to deny.

OP posts:

Time2Hibernate · 09/11/2009 20:51

Firstly, you'r going to need to stop putting the blame on yourself and looking for reasons that it is your fault. Secondly, if he has a tendancy to internalise and reflect on things, then he will be the one who needs to talk about it in his own time. I don't think it's for you to sort out his issues as sometimes we can read too mcuh into things anyway. The atmosphere around you both may be a bit tough by the sounds of things.

If you feel this will pass, then let it go and focus on the time you have together. Make him feel special without smothering him and he may end up talking about how he feels.

I suppose the only thing left to consider is is he just a bit quiet and moody/brooding or is he worrying you for any reason?

lostlenore · 10/11/2009 12:17

Is this your first child? I think it sounds like he is just shitting his pants but won't admit it because that would mean that he is not playing his 'man' role when you have so much going on as well.

Just try and get him to calmly talk and see if you can work round it?

Or alternatively, leave him a note telling him you're going back to your mums

Hope it gets sorted x

Yikess · 11/11/2009 08:47

Thanks for the help ladies - yesterday he did say that he was worried about the future and but didnt want to talk about it. I feel a little better because to me at least hes recognising its him and not me which is what I was worried about the most. I think hes beginning to sort it out in his head and then hopefully he will talk. He was away last night on business so hopefully things will improve when hes back tonight.

PS Cant go to mum or sisters - we have a deal that we cant stay with eachother if we are upset with partners! We can only stay if all is well - this is an effort to force us to sort it out instead of running away.

OP posts:

Time2Hibernate · 11/11/2009 22:20

Ahem, deals are verbal! Remember that sometimes you may need to go somewhere AND sort things out anyway. Your places to go will need to be plentiful with a baby. You'll need all the support you can both get.

mommymeggie · 12/11/2009 00:04

My husband did the same thing. Later he told me he had a lot of weight on his shoulders b/c he was worried about financally supporting us and how much it was going to cost buying baby nappies and milk and such. He was also nervous about the idea of having a baby, basically the unknown. And I didn't mention my husband can be a worry wort but I don't mind, I just know he cares. I'm more the laid back one.

So after we had our daughter, my husband realized that everything fell into place and nothing became difficult. We buy most of our baby items with bit that the government gives us for having a child, thats helps alot! And now its all in the past with the worry and wondering how it will pan out. And my husband is the best father ever and we are a very happy family!

I hope that helps you guys! x

Iatemyskinnyperson · 12/11/2009 00:34

Mine did this too. Was just sh*tting himself but rather than talk about it, he took the manly route of behaving like an ass. It took some real needling to get it out of him, he looked so releived to hear that I had the same anxiety. You know your DH best, either let him mull or try to get him to talk.

Good luck with your LO

Yikess · 12/11/2009 21:09

Thanks guys - yes this is our first LO after our first go at IVF - so I think that after imagining for so long we cant believe LO is nearly here (due christmas day.)

He seems to be coming out of it now and things have definitely improved. I do know hes worried about me, eventually Im sure he will talk about it. Thanks for all the support its really helped just when I needed to hear that I wasnt some crazy person.

OP posts:

newarrival · 14/11/2009 14:49

I think we have to remember that its not just us who are going through the pregnancy but that our husbands/partners have fears & feelings too. I think he's possibly scared & worried about the birth, worried for you or for baby etc. Or as you say it could be financial worries for the future with 3mouths to feed. I know that thought has worried my husband as I was made redundant early preg & haven't worked since.
I think it must be a daunting time for them as well as us!
just think how exciting when baby finally arrives

sweetandsavoury3 · 30/09/2011 12:48

Hi Guys, my husband has been acting really strange too! He is really snappy at me about everything, and when we sort out that problem he goes into something else which he hates.. so I constantly feel like im being picked on. Then yesterday he said to me that he feels like 'life is really boring' now and he hates our 'routeine'.. he also said that he expected more from me?? I was extremely upset because I feel like everything i do is for him, and I am giving my all (as much as I can because Im pregnant).. but there is only so much I can do- being pregnant is different because life does change & I want to be home more. Over the last few weeks he was getting out of control drunk with his friends, coming home in such a state he couldnt walk! I told him he needed to start acting responsibly- and this is why I think deep down he has huge problems with me because I told him to control his drinking.
I feel like im alone in this and can never do right.
any advice would be amazing ;-)

pregnantmimi · 03/10/2011 01:47

can i just add to this male moan post why is it that when you need them they are not there when you dont they wont leave you alone. But when you are upset they not there but when you not they are but you really need them when you upset. Sorry Im feeling a bit emotional too about the lack of emotional support of my husband. I really cant be bothered with playing games or hard to get but it seems the only way why cant i just be needy (with is how I feel when pregnant sometimes) without being pushed away? Men do go funny when your pregnant we need them more than ever they just go all funny. Having said all that at times he been great its the times when I am upset and low needy that he not been great.

startail · 03/10/2011 02:02

Society gives space and tolerance to expectant mothers, but not Fathers.
Men get stressed out by the thought and the reality of new babies. My DH certainly did. I only found out quite how much, when my MIL let it slip he had not wanted to worry in front of me.
He still remembers how hard the sleepless nights were and that was 10 years ago. I don't, but I didn't have to drive to the other end of the country and hold down a very technical job.
Please go easy on your DH if possible and see if you can find him someone to talk to, he will not want to worry you.

Allboxedin · 03/10/2011 07:18

Mine had been similar much of the pregnancy but he has stepped the the last week or so as we are really nearly the end (38 weeks this week)
I would imagine he is feeling scared and worried. Having a baby is also a financial worry for lots of people. Have you talked about the labour? Is he going in with you? For lots of dads this is a really tough emotional time in that respect too.

dribbleface · 03/10/2011 07:52

my Dh was like this last time round and again this time, am due tomorrow. he struggles with it all. I've chatted to him about it but it usually causes a row. last time he snapped out of it when we got to the hospital. he was fantastic in the early months and is a great dad. not suggesting this is the way to go but i tend to ignore him when He's like this and give lot's of hugs etc. he will tell me when he's ready. god that sounds awful doesn't it but it works for us!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.