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Planned pregancy but I'm not excited

(7 Posts)
HooperMummy Sat 07-Nov-09 09:04:38

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant since we got married 2 years ago. I am 27 and my husband is 30 and we are in a loving and happy relationship. I am now 19 weeks pregnant and found out when I was 5 weeks but the problem is that I'm not excited at all. When I took the pregnancy tests at the beginning and they both came out positive I was stunned as we had been trying for so long with nothing happening and I was convinced there was something wrong with me but I said all the right words about how much I was looking forward to it etc. However, even after the 12 week scan I found myself having to fake excitement. I have even felt the baby moving around within the last couple of weeks and whilst it was exciting initially, now I just feel indifferent again. I have always wanted to be a Mum and despite the usual money worries, I know that my husband and I are ready to do this but now that I am actually pregnant, I find myself scared and almost filled with dread. I worry about every little thing from how on earth we are going to make ends meet when the baby gets here (we have enough trouble with just the 2 of us) to whether my husband will still notice me and will I ever have a life separate from being a mother? Does this make me a terrible person and does it mean that I'm going to be a terrible mother? Mine wasn't the best and I really don't want to repeat her mistakes as I know how much damage indifference can do.

StealthPolarBear Sat 07-Nov-09 09:07:50

I think it's fairly normal, both times after trying, wanting and obsessing over a baby I thought "oh no, what have I done?!"
You've been trying for so long and it must seem like there's so much left to get through - half the pregnancy, labour etc, and then of course the whole motherhood thing! Your worries that you mention I think are all very typical.
On the other hand, if you feel very low a lot, mention it to your midwife - you might have antenatal depression.

sunburntats Sat 07-Nov-09 09:11:12

well, you are defo not a bad person, you are facing huge changes, huge adjustments and you sound like a very practical person so naturally you are thinking about finances etc.
whats wrong with that? some times the practicalities can dominate.
It is always assumed that you will have that maternal flush and glow with the excitement of a baby comeing, but actually there are millions of women who feel like you do.
Just keep well and look after yourself, there will be loads of other people who will come on here and tell you that they felt the same as you.

HooperMummy Sat 07-Nov-09 20:29:40

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's reassuring to know that it's not just me I guess.

I will definitely talk things through with my midwife at my next appointment and here's hoping that things improve... In the meantime I will just try to take care of myself as best as I can and keep my chin up!

victoriascrumptious Sun 08-Nov-09 15:18:24

Some people are just like that. I wasnt exited about my (also planned) baby. for some of us it's not real until the baby is born.

Don't worry

mazzystartled Sun 08-Nov-09 15:52:17

it's normal to have doubts and worries.

i think excitement is only something other people can feel about a pregnancy. for me it was always very real from the word go.

Greatgoing Sun 08-Nov-09 16:13:42

Pregnancy for many people is stressful and dull. It has become another material opportunity driven by shops, the internet, a million trillion different businesses who want you to be 'EXCITED!!!' (ie spending money, decorating, buying, buying, buying) for NINE MONTHS.

I personally could not maintain 'excitement' for such a long time. It is also a serious business, with risks and stresses and shouldn't be treated as one big facebook/chatroom/ mothercare fest. Our generation loses sight of the fact that the best preparation for a new baby is a little introspection, calmness, quietness, and dare I say it privacy. My mum actaully feels sorry for this generation and their 'public' pregnancies, with people asking 'are you excited? Any names ? at twenty bloody weeks'.

When your baby arrives you will be fine. You aactually sound eminently grounded and sensible, and you are rightly storing up your energies. Stay out of those antenatal chatrooms, stay rested and do things when you are ready. You sound just like I was and I am sitting here with an adored six month old and another one on the way...and no, I don't feel 'EXCITED!!!!' this time either!

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