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Hmm.. am I expecting too much? Slightly long and rambling, sorry.

(7 Posts)
readysetgo Wed 04-Nov-09 22:15:15

Don't get me wrong, my OH is lovely. He really is, but why do I feel so disappointed at his lack of enthusiam now I am pregant?

I had a miscarriage earlier in the year at 6 weeks. We weren't planning on trying again so soon, I found the mc really painful physically as well as emotionally and as we had just moved house we decided to get really settled first and try in the New Year.

Anyway, I'm now 6 + 3 slight surprise but a happy one in my eyes! (fully aware anything could happen between now and January) but he seems to be having doubts about how ready he is/we are/whether he will be any good.. the list is endless. He now thinks we should wait. (Bit bloody late for that!!!)

He wasn't like this when I was first pregnant. What has changed?

Please tell me that he will come round... I need reassurance. Did any of your OH/DH's not want you to be pg at first? I almost feel like I should give him a choice too, but I could never ever go through with an abortion. Gosh. Is that really what he wants?

Sorry for rambling. I am so hormonal. I cried when we ran out of milk earlier. I'm obviously insane. blush

Oh and sorry if I put this in the wrong section. Ok shutting up!

BellasYummyMummy Wed 04-Nov-09 22:20:05

hello, and congrats on your pregnancy!!! maybe your OH just needs some time to get his head round it. It could be he was really upset by the mc, and didnt like seeing you in pain so maybe he's just being cautious this time round.

Its very common to have worries about whether or not you are ready etc. i didnt have a problem with my DH being supportive, but rather from my mum which was weird. After having 2 mcs, when i told her i was pg again she wasnt very excited at all, but after 12 weeks she totally changed. on reflection i think she didnt want me to get too excited incase it happened again.

maybe sit down and have a chat with him, explain how you feel, and ask how he feels.

scotlass Wed 04-Nov-09 22:26:58

It could be as bellasyummymummy has said. Mens feelings are often forgotten after mc and he may be trying to blot it out until he's sure its going to be OK.

I had 3 mcs before the birth of my DS this year. After the first one my DH never got excited about the pg and it really upset me 2nd time. It was only after a mmc was identified at 11+ wks and we had a blazing row 3wks after I realised how much it had affected him. He said cos they don't go through the physical side of things it isn't the same and they can be more detached but really deep down they do still have the same hopes / hurts, just deal with it differently.

FWIW I think he will come round once he sees abeating heart on a scan.

Congrats x

cat64 Wed 04-Nov-09 22:27:06

Message withdrawn

readysetgo Wed 04-Nov-09 23:44:27

Will definitely sit and have a chat with him again. He closes off a little when I talk about it but I'd selfishly not thought it could have been the previous MC - I feel terrible now.

A lady I worked with's husband begged her to have an abortion when she fell pregnant, he was really vile to her. I can't believe she is still with him after all of that, but he is absolutely smitted with his little girl now.

I think perhaps due to being a little overemotional at the moment blush I'm reading into it too much. I hope so. Thanks for your posts and congrats! Fingers crossed for the next 6 weeks and beyond

readysetgo Wed 04-Nov-09 23:45:16

Smitted?! *Smitten!

AngelDog Thu 05-Nov-09 06:57:41

readysetgo, everyone is different with how we respond to news like this, and I think men do often deal with things differently from women. Our emotions rarely work according to logic!

My husband was immensely supportive of me during my first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage after 10 weeks. Whilst it was horrible the mc happening, it was almost worth it just for the experience of being looked after and cared for in the weeks before it happened. When I got pregnant again, however, I felt DH was less interested, and definitely less supportive/caring of me. I found that pretty hard and was worried that he wouldn't take to being a dad.

Now I'm 30 weeks and I can't imagine a father being more excited about meeting his baby son or better at looking after his pregnant wife. It just took him a while to get used to the idea of me being pregnant again (even though he was even keener than me for it to happen!). Things definitely can and do change, so I would try not to worry too much - it is early days for both of you at this stage.

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