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Why do you have to tell people your in labour??

(27 Posts)
laurawantsababy Tue 03-Nov-09 20:51:41

Im 29 weeks pg with dc2. I am starting to get how I was when I was pg with dd. I want to ban visitors other then very close family and dont want anyone knowing Im in labour.

A lot of people I know have had family put on facebook that they are in labour and updating it. I am on facebook and so is a lot of my family and dps family. Am I wrong to ban him from telling anyone? I did last time and he still told his mum.

Is it just me?

CarGirl Tue 03-Nov-09 20:56:37

No, I don't think I'd like it either.

I was always induced so ILs knew I was in but no updates until it was over even though they were doing the childcare.

I didn't like sharing my pregnancy with anyone it feels private. Perhaps I was always worried that there wouldn't be a happy ending so couldn't be all blase and centre of attention about it IYSWIM

MumNWLondon Wed 04-Nov-09 19:29:01

You don't have to! With DS my parents knew as they were looking ater DD. And my sister knew as my parents were staying with them (sister lived near, parents far away).

Gumbo Wed 04-Nov-09 19:32:19

I felt the same as you, and apart from DH (who took me to hospital) nobody at all knew; the 1st they got to hear was when DH started phoning to say I'd had a baby.

I'd do the same again too - it really takes the pressure off!

PrettyCandles Wed 04-Nov-09 19:32:31

Once things got going I always felt very private about my labours. The only people we ever told were people who, for one reason or another, needed to know.

Others want to share. Some people like to share every aspect of their lives, that's why people are so willing to let TV crews into their homes to film every second of their lives. That's why Big Brother Housemates tell the Diary Room anything and everything.

mazzystartled Wed 04-Nov-09 19:35:29

I guess some people use facebook as a way of fielding incessant phonecalls and unwanted visitors.

Personally I'd only tell people who I knew would respect my wishes and come to visit when and if invited.

I sort of think it's quite sweet that your DP wanted to tell his mum, though.

hannahsaunt Wed 04-Nov-09 19:55:41

No relatives have known until after the event the last three times and it will be that way again. Only people who knew were those caring for existing siblings. I think it's an intensely private matter and shouldn't be treated as a circus performance with people hanging on with baited breath for the next update.

laurawantsababy Thu 05-Nov-09 21:01:27

Dp doesnt understand why I get so worked about it though.

I hate the thought of people knowing what I am doing at that point in time!

Going to have a 'chat' with MIL when she is back in a few weeks and carefully ask her not put anything on facebook.

Bloody facebook was great until all mine and his family got on it!

Beanigan Thu 05-Nov-09 21:11:18

I'm with you with the labour privacy. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone that my waters had broken with DS. Then when nothing happened and I was booked in to be induced, I didn't tell a soul. I wanted to just produce the lovely news that I had a new baby without details of the gory bits. This time round, my sister will know as she'll be looking after DS but I'll swear her to secrecy.

I do remember though that my dad was a bit put out that I had a chat with him (in between my waters going and being induced) and I hadn't mentioned a thing to him. But it's your body, your baby - you get to choose who you tell!

cat64 Thu 05-Nov-09 21:14:29

Message withdrawn

onepieceoflollipop Thu 05-Nov-09 21:17:26

I think it is a massive privilege to be aware that someone is in labour (imo) it is a very special time for the mother-to-be and her partner.

I remember going to look after a close friend's baby ds while she had her dd. It made me feel so close to her sharing in the secret excitement that only she, her dh and I knew.

I do understand a bit, my own mil was always a bit put out when we had both of our dds that we didn't tell them until immediately after the birth.

nowwearefour Thu 05-Nov-09 21:20:07

i am the same despite the in laws announcing they 'must' know this time, i didnt tell them either first or second time. First time was noone second time just mum who was looking after dd1 knew. i really do not know why people feel i had to tell them. it is your pregnancy and your decision whom you tell!

Chulita Thu 05-Nov-09 21:27:54

You don't have to tell anyone - it's your labour/birth! I didn't want to tell anyone with DD but when labour started DH phoned up to say he wasn't coming into work cos I was in labour and then it dragged on and on so everyone knew a week before they finally got DD out angry For me it's a personal thing and I just want to be left to get on with it!

humanfraggle Fri 06-Nov-09 10:08:46

my MiL asked me the other day to make sure I 'held on' until a weekend so that the family could all come to the hospital and be there when she's born shock

Erm - think again, sunshine! My parents will have to know we've gone in (unfortunately, I would rather NO-ONE knew!) as they will be having our 2 dogs while I'm at the hospital...

Other than that, the first ANYONE will hear will be that we are the proud owners of a bouncing baby girl grin

NeedaNewName Fri 06-Nov-09 10:20:07

I think its a very personal choice and its yours to make. I can understand your DH telling his mum as its very exciting for him and its his mum (how wold you feel if your son wasn't able to tell you that his wife was going into labour with their baby?)

However saying that I think you need to try and find a way to explain to him that this is a private matter for you and you don;t feel comfotable with anyone knowing you're in labour. Don't 'ban' him, discuss why you don;t want people to know then maybe this time he will understand and feel that it is a joint decision.

Some people like telling everyone, my CM is due any day day and has told me she'll let me know when she goes into labour - bless her she wants everyone to know and I can't wait! And thats fine for her, nothing wrong with it at all.

Morloth Fri 06-Nov-09 10:55:34

We didn't tell anyone until after baby had arrived. Was very much a time for just the two of us.

This time around we will have houseguests so it won't be such a secret.

laurawantsababy Fri 06-Nov-09 13:05:28

Thank you! Thank god its not just me!

Dp doesnt see whats wrong in telling people. I am so tempted not to tell him. Im not having him at the birth this time so he doesnt really have to know unless he isnt at work!

I asked my mum the other day not to tell my sister (she likes to tell the world everything) and mum said she should know- Why?

Maybe I will ask my friend to have dd when I go in. I wont have to tell anyone then and just phone dp and mum when I have had it!

Why cant people just respect my wishes.

BikeRunSki Fri 06-Nov-09 13:15:44

I didn;t tell anyone apart from DH. Just rang people when DS was birn. But it was a very quick labour and was middle fo the night, started at 11.30pm, DS born at 6.30am the next day. He was2 weeks early, so I hadn't had any "When's he coming out then...." daily calls from my mum, like my sister (2 weeks late with DN) did. I might have caved in if I had.

notcitrus Fri 06-Nov-09 13:19:46

Could you tell him you don't want people worrying if it goes on a long time? MrNC told me when SIL went into labour about 3pm, sent me a 'still going' text about 9pm, and then nothing. At 7am I texted to ask if things were OK and turned out the baby had been born fine a few hours earlier - I'd have slapped him if he hadn't been miles away!

We weren't going to tell anyone else but as it happened my mum phoned MrNC shortly after I got to hospital and his attempts to say "NC is fine, just can't come to the phone right now" didn't work very well. He then switched his mobile off and the hospital were great at fobbing them off for the next 24 hours. He switched the phone on again to text people that dc had been born safely - it was unfortunate that my dad then called just as baby stopped breathing and was being resusitated and MrNC answered because he'd just returned to me and hadn't realised what was happening. Luckily dc was fine and as we were kept in for a few days had plenty of time to explain to my very apologetic dad (who then turned up with no warning - luckily I'd at least put a T-shirt on!)

Trikken Fri 06-Nov-09 13:26:12

my dad demanded on messenger live (thats the most communication we have, he lives in Tasmania with second wife and her small children) that I phone or text him when i go into labour. he has had no interest in me or the baby up until now, just before baby was due (due today but no sign of her yet.) I told him that we had so much to sort and arrange when i do i wont be phoning everyone, his response was, "i'll get one of your sisters to tell me then." noooo, cos im not telling them either. the only people who will know will be my mine and dh's mums, and only both cos i'll want my my mum to know in case of any emergency and dh's mum will probably be the child-care.

galadriel77 Fri 06-Nov-09 13:35:19

I didn't want anyone knowing the first time around. As it was my first child I didn't know how things would go and I didn't want the added pressure of people ringing to find out what was happening. My mum was very put out that we didn't tell her.

The 2nd time around my MIL knew as she came over to look after DD1 but she was very unobtrusive and actually was lovely to have around - having given birth to 3 of her own all at home! Again my mum was cross to only have a call after the event.

I have quite long labours - a good 24-36 hours of build-up in the early stage where I know I'm in labour and it is hurting but not much is happening. If I told everyone straight away that I was in labour they would be worrying when they didn't hear anything 24 hours later so I just don't tell them.

I'll be the same this time around - my Mum might be staying to help out with DD1 and DD2 but not sure yet!

I find it a private time for me and H and don't really want the whole world poking their nose in!

Bettymum Fri 06-Nov-09 13:42:55

I think we just told my mum and MIL last time, problem was it all kind of started on the Wednesday and DD was born on the Sunday...so DH had to give them daily updates which went mostly along the lines of yes, she's still having contractions, no the baby isn't here yet, yes everyone's fine. OK while we were still at home but got a bit fraught once we got to hospital on the Saturday morning. My mum was convinced that it was all going horribly wrong and DH just wasn't telling her. Hopefully it'll be quicker with the next one! I think it's a private thing, though and also by not telling people you're not potentially worrying them unnecessarily if things take a while .

Mama2b5 Fri 06-Nov-09 16:51:22

hi i think it really differs to you as a person and people should respect your wishes even if they dont understand the reasons behind it! Facebook is awful when it comes to secrets and privacy!
All my friends want to know so they can start a prayer chain,its nice to know so many people care but can be constant texting which doesnt help!

When i had my last DC my mum was around as well as my DH,mum passed 8months and now my dear MIL is assuming she will be there! i dont want her there because i really want my mum to be there of course she can, but only in spirit!
With this being a new hospital im hoping they will only allow one person in so i wont have to tell her that i dont want her there! i would rather my DSis or even my DD who is a teen!

Now is that bad?

Northernlurker Fri 06-Nov-09 16:59:33

We didn't tell anybody apart from the people looking after offspring with dd2 and dd3. With dd1 everybody knew as I was induced. Didn't bother me as all our family were content to sit it out quietly at home and not be mithering for news - though they all spent a fairly nervous 18 hours. I believe they'd all just gone to bed when dh rang with news - dd1 was born at 1.15am!

canihaveapeeinpeacepleasebob Fri 06-Nov-09 17:09:38

i think putting it on facebook and updating is a bit sad. Surely people have better things to be doing than that. hmm
With ds1 i told dh, but my mum found out as her friend saw the ambulance outside and rang her to see if i was ok.
With ds2, my mum had ds1 for me, so I had to tell her.
It wasn't really that I didn't want them to know, I didn't really want the mil to know, as I knew she'd be ringing the ward to see what was happening and generally being a pain, like she was when sil went in.
As for visitors you don't have to have any one, if you don't want them. I told my mum not to inform one particular Aunt until I was home from the hospital as she's --an interfering grumpy old bag-- abit of a pain.
good luck and don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want.

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