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Anyone 'in the know' about antenatal depressin who could come and have a chat please?

(23 Posts)
CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 20:32:36

Because I don't know what's going on! I am so happy about this pregnancy and looking forward to the new baby but at the same time I feel so bloody awful. It's been a fairly uneventful pregnancy so far (am 23 weeks) apart from a lot of acid reflux which appears to be easing a little now.

I feel really dulled, iyswim. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not even here, my brain feels too slow and I can't think. I keep on crying for a reason, for no reason, now... blush I've completely lost my appetite and don't feel like I want/enjoy any foods. Seeing as I'm 4 stone overweight I feel that's a noteworthy event! I'm tired all the time and am too snappy with DD, who is a real sweetie and deserves better than me like this sad

BUT, I don't know if I just feel like this because of life atm. It's hard work being pregnant as well as looking after a toddler and I don't sleep enough as I should. I could be crying because of hormones. I'm still happy and laughing some of the time and I'm motivated enough to keep the house fairly tidy and clean most days and to keep up my hobbies. Plus my bloody mother is trying to worm her way back into my life and she is fairly emotionally abusive imo so that is stressing me out.

I'm going to stop there because frankly I can't really see the screen anymore and if anyone's got this far it's an achievement in itself.

Oh and any spacing issues are because DP has finally fixed my space bar and it is overreacting to every knock <<rolls eyes>>

CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 20:41:19

bump, I know it's long but feeling pretty shite here.

ErikaMaye Tue 03-Nov-09 20:46:02


I don't have any experience with antenatal depression - but I have suffered with mental illness for a long time, and I'm really sorry to hear that things are rough right now.

Haave you been to the GP or spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling? What support network do you have around you at the moment?

CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 20:49:43

Thanks Erika for reading it. I haven't been to GP and don't see the midwife again until 28 weeks, although I suppose I could make an earlier appointment.

As for support, I have DP who is great but works a lot. My dad is lovely but also very busy. I take DD to a few groups but that's about it tbh.

ErikaMaye Tue 03-Nov-09 20:58:20

Firstly - my email address is honeyfromhell @ - I am at home virtually all the time, usually logged on, even if I'm not at the PC. So if you ever need to talk and can't get any responce on here (sometimes it goes quiet) email me or add me on MSN or whatever. I know what its like to be sitting around feeling lonely and wishing there was just someone to talk to, about anything. No pressure of course, but so you know the offer is there.

I think you really should call your GP to make an appointment, or drop your midwife a line, depending on which you have a better repour with. Personally, when I went back on my anti-depressents (am 38 weeks) I saw my GP and then spoke to my MW about it, and they were both fantastic.

Now - stop blaming yourself for being snappy etc, because you can't help it if you're feeling depressed. Would you be blaming yourself if you weren't able to go running if you'd broken you leg? Of course not. This is an illness and ailemnt just like anything else.

Are you exercising? Something like yoga or swimming, where you tune everything out for just a little while, can really help lift your mood.

What kind of groups do you take DD to, if I might ask?

CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 21:06:41

Thanks Erika, bloody crying again now. Driving myself mad atm.

I think I'll make an appointment with the GP, haven't met my named midwife yet so probably the best bet. I feel like a failure, I have been doing ok for a while and I hoped I might just be able to function without being so snappy and upset sad

Am too fat to do yoga or go swimming and have no childcare, but I do try to do some walking with DD. We go to a few playgroups and a breastfeeding group. I have avoided some for a few weeks because I couldn't face the social bit of it but trying to pick them up again this week.

Thanks again

ErikaMaye Tue 03-Nov-09 21:40:54

You are NOT a failure. I can't stress that to you enough. Did you know that one out of four people suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives? One in five suffer from depression. That's a hell a lot of failure going on if you're correct * gentle shove *

If you haven't got a named midwife then your GP is probably your best bet, simply because they can monitor you if they see you on a regular basis.

You can do yoga at home, but if you're not comfortable in yourself then its probably a bad idea. How about something artistically productive instead? Scrapbooking, or smiliar?

Do try to get out if you can, it helps no end. Have you checked your MN local site on here, to see if there are any meet ups or other mums wanting to get coffee or something?

CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 21:52:08

I know, I know. Am just pissed off with myself. I don't feel as bad in the day, but when it's dark and I'm on my own it all creeps in around me. House is too bloody quiet.

I do a lot of sewing and have just taught myself to knit so plenty to do. Had fabric out to start something this evening but too apathetic so will start in the morning instead.

My MN Local isn't very local tbh, and doesn't seem to be very active. I'm trying to set more up locally though.

Thanks for all your help.

ErikaMaye Tue 03-Nov-09 22:00:09

The nights are always the worst. Its dark and its quiet. I find slamming on a CD that makes me smile and going over to the _Chat board helps a little - there's always something funny going on!

I miss sewing - I became disabled nearly two years ago and haven't been able to sew since. Ohh will you teach me to knit?! I simply cannot do it! blush I can crochet though, and have been working on a blanket for the baby, which has been really helpful - each square I complete is a result and something to be proud of.

I wish I could be of more help.

CharCharGabor Tue 03-Nov-09 22:14:35

Well I've got a bit of music on but MN seems a bit quiet tonight. Just had DD up as I can't figure out the new boiler so it won't go off. Have just turned the whole fucking thing off and will look at it again in the morning. She hates being hot so while she's settled down I'm sure she'll be up again in a bit.

I'm the last person you want knitting advice from, have literally just started and I'm crap. I learned off a website tutorial but am not very good. Crochet is on my list for when I've cleared some of my fabric stash, which is fairly massive atm. I usually use my sewing machine but am trying out some handsewing to improve my patience hmm

You have been a help, thanks, nice to have someone to talk to.

ErikaMaye Tue 03-Nov-09 23:30:48

Sorry got into a huge argument, am not in the best of places to be of use right now, but will reply in the morning, when I'm a bit calmer, and I am thinking of you. I hope you find some peace tonight. x

jasmeeen Tue 03-Nov-09 23:33:26

Hi CharChar,

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and going to see my GP tomorrow about going back onto my ADs (40mg fluoxetine). I had weaned myself off them for the second trimester and thought I was coping really well and cured of depression but lately it's all gone pear shaped and I can see that I need to take some action.

The tears for no reason and the dulled feeling are something that I am suffering from too. And mood swings.

You are suffering from depression and should go and see your GP. The antenatal team at my hospital have a specialist midwife who deals with depression and pregnancy and they have been really helpful for me during this and my previous pregnancy. My very understanding GP wrote a referral letter in my last pregnancy. Hopefully your GP will do the same for you. It's hard to ask for the help (to me it feels like an admission of defeat) but you will be glad that you did.

A few weeks ago I saw the antenatal psych due to my history of depression and she said that if I did feel that I wasn't coping then I should go back onto the ADs as these things are a question of balance and it is not good for me and my family for me to not be coping. She has written to my GP to let her know that it is okay for my to go back on the ADs and that regardless of how well I think I am coping I should go back onto them as soon as the baby is born as PND is likely to rear it's ugly head again. At the time of the appointment I felt sure I wouldn't need them before the birth but I can see that I am not coping as well as I thought and reluctantly have decided that on balance I need the ADs.

Anyway, this has turned into a bit of a ramble about me but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

CharCharGabor Wed 04-Nov-09 00:02:34

Thanks guys. Sorry you've had an argument Erika, hope you're ok.

Your post is much appreciated jasmeeen, I can see parallels with a lot of how I am feeling. I was put on Seroxat about a year ago but came off it after a fairly horrible reaction. I've felt fairly fine since though so it is irritating to be dragged down once again. I was very lucky not to have pnd with DD1 so I just pray it eases after DD2 is born. I'll definitely get an appointment with the gp asap, can't stand feeling like this for much longer.

Am going to try and get some sleep now as DD will no doubt be up soon as she's full of cold. Thanks again.

LuckyC Wed 04-Nov-09 10:06:55

CharChar just dropping in to say hi and reassure you that you are not alone in this; I have found loads of people on MN in a similar situation. A quarter of people experience serious depression at some time in their lives. It's really common and even more common in pregnancy as doctors are now working out because of hormonal changes, and because it's so bloody knackering looking after toddler and being pregnant!

I hope you have spoken to your GP? Also, don't let them brush you off - I have found before that when I am feeling depressed, with such low energy and low self-esteem, it sometimes can feel like the doctor is not believing you or that they don't want to help. So even if you feel like that, remember you know best and you should insist. Print off this thread and read it to them if needs be.

Good luck and let us know how you get on. And remember one day this will be over and behind you.

CharCharGabor Wed 04-Nov-09 11:08:29

Thanks LuckyC, that's a lovely post, it helps to know others have experienced the same thing. I have <whispers> put off phoning the gp this morning, but will definitely do it tomorrow. I don't feel too awful today but I'm quite tired. Have got some housework done though and got DD's application for nursery as she starts in September <<scared>> so not too bad so far.

MillyMollyMoo Wed 04-Nov-09 11:44:34

Baby steps is the best advice I can give you and get out to the park, toddler groups etc as much as possible.
If you can find a spare £30 a week for a cleaner too I found that money well spent.

ErikaMaye Wed 04-Nov-09 14:47:30

Hiya, just wondered how you were doing today? You better phone the doctor missy or one of us will be doing it for you grin Just take it easy today if you can, relax a little and try not to stress - a lot easier said than done, I know. x

CharCharGabor Wed 04-Nov-09 15:44:40

Hi, I'm not too bad just now, although every time I sit down my eyes start drooping. Have got a fair bit done, dinner is cooking and the house is nice and tidy so DD and I are having a wee snuggle. Got to go and meet DP at work in an hour and going to buy myself a cardigan so I hope this rain goes off. How are you today?

Thanks MMM, I am trying to get out as much as possible. A cleaner isn't an option atm but ~I'm gladtobe a bit busy.

ErikaMaye Wed 04-Nov-09 17:47:47

Ohh if you have a local Peacocks, they have some fab cardigans in at the moment that are brilliant to use as maternity ones I bought one a few weeks ago as my coat would no longer do up blush I hope you had a nice day, and found some time to rest!!

I'm okay, thanks. Things are at least quiet here today. DP is going out on the town with his friends - which is very rare, he's usually incredably antisocial grin - but has promised he will behave himself in case I go into labour. I am hideously jealous blush

CharCharGabor Wed 04-Nov-09 21:21:32

I got one from Primark in the end, it'll keep me warm enough. I am having the same problem with my coat too so at least I'llbe warm now!

I'm ok I think, but ready for an early night tonight! Glad you're better today.

ErikaMaye Thu 05-Nov-09 11:05:24

Oh yes I saw some lovely ones in there the other day when I went in to get some giant knickers grin Am resisting buying one but thinking about it logically it might be a good idea as the weather gets worse...

Hope today is a good day for you and that you managed to get through to the doctors

theminniebauble Thu 05-Nov-09 17:45:20

I just wanted to echo Jasmeen... I was off anti-d's for nearly three years, fell pregnant and was hit with a ton of bricks at about 16 weeks (am 32 now). Went to see GP (as was not due to see MW) who made a super-speedy referral to a specialist midwife who in turn referred me to a ante-natal psych.

I am now back on meds, having therapy treatment and slowly getting there. The joined up nature of the diagnosis meant that I was able to look at all the options including considering a simple course of fairly laid back counselling with the specialist midwife.

As it turned out I needed a more "belt and braces" approach but I think that it's worth noting that everyone was really keen to work in conjunction with me to find out exactly what was needed and then put it in place. No one forced tablets down my throat or pushed me into interventions I wasn't happy with.

It's been a frightening few months but my improvement trajectory is really good now and am looking forward to christmas and the subsequent birth.

A bit of a ramble I know but I just wanted you to know that there are choices out there for you.....

CharCharGabor Fri 06-Nov-09 20:31:01

Sorry have been quiet, very busy today. Not feeling too bad just now and wondering whether I either imagined or exaggerated it hmm not sure. Thanks for all the posts and glad you are now feeling better minnie smile

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