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Pregnancy & lack of sex drive

(8 Posts)
pregnfrumpy Thu 29-Oct-09 18:35:26

I am currently pregnant for the fifth time (have had 2 miscarriages and have 2 lovely children)
This child was very much planned and we intend it to be our last.
I feel very sick and tired this pregnancy and as the day goes on I feel worse. So I am going to bed earlier and earlier in order to feel better iykwim. I am currently 14 weeks.

Dh is busy at work (which doesn't help) and is working late and also getting up early with either of our other children. Our youngest is a bad sleeper and is up numerous times each night and an early riser to boot.

Each time I have been pregnant I feel very frumpy and lack any urge for sex. I would estimate that dh and I only had sex 4 times in each previous pregnancy.
I am starting to put weight on and feel less and less attractive.
This combined with dh's work commmitments, getting up with our other children and my tiredness and general sickness things are rather sparse.

Any ideas anyone or anyone been in same situation and how did it work out?

Obviously have name changed

2010Dad Tue 03-Nov-09 11:07:53

My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with our first and her sex drive has plummeted. This little teaser sometimes helps to get her in the mood!

I hope your DH is still telling you how beatiful you look, regardless of if you're putting on a bit of weight.

BeckyBendyLegs Tue 03-Nov-09 12:03:18

Pregnfrumpy congrats to you on your pregnancy! I also have 2 children and 2 MCs and am on number 3 now (38 weeks). My sex drive plummeted too with this one. We didn't do it at all until about week 15 as I felt too ill and have only done it about every 2/3 weeks since. Part of my problem has been that I am sooo ultra-sensative that it hurts quite a bit afterwards and the same as you: other children, not much time, DH's work, etc. Now I am just too huge!

I'm sure you'll make up for it afterwards...

lostlenore Tue 03-Nov-09 13:13:38

Congratulations Frumpy and Bendy, hope these pregnancies go well for you.

This is my first one (22 wks) and I have absolutely no inclination for sex at all. DH is getting quite upset with me because its been, um, 22 weeks, but I am really not in the mood and feel bad for rejecting him but can't make myself even remotely interested.

How do you manage it?

Good luck, one and all.....

Horsiemummy Tue 03-Nov-09 13:32:12

Me too.

my DH and i do have a bit of a mismatched sex dirve at the best of times but now im pregnant its even worse.

im 22 weeks and have a 3yo ds who is seriously hard work. i have put on some weight already and feel hideous along with a wiping tiredness and SPD which bloody hurts. in the evenings all i want to do is sleep....

unfortunately my DH finds me even more attractive when im pregnant and trys it on constantly. i feel mean and guilty for constantly saying no and sometimes just let him get on with it!! (i hate myself for doing it tho.)

i dont think there is a solution apart from to keep talking and ride it out till after baby arrives.

superbean Tue 03-Nov-09 21:05:10

I think you should give yourself a break. I am 17 weeks with first pregnancy and until last weekend I had been completely uninterested. It's returning now but if I had other children to look after and add to the tiredness I don't think I'd have the energy or the time...

mumabee Wed 04-Nov-09 13:41:04

Congratulations to all.

I am 12 weeks pregnant with our first and the lack of sex drive has also been an issue for us. More for me than DP because I felt guilty and under pressure for not being in the mood and it has taken a while for me to adjust to the changes happening to me.

I went off sex as soon as I fell pregnant and felt really bloated, had constant tummy pain and felt unattractive for a while and sex was the last thing on my mind. DP has been understanding but was hurt and thought I didn't fancy him anymoresad. We had a few difficult conversations and only after I was completely honest about how unattractive I felt and how different I felt when we did have sex, was he able to back off and give me space. Once the pressure eased, I have become more relaxed and my sexual feelings are coming back.

What I have tried to do throughout is to keep up the kissing and cuddling. I also fuss over him and make an effort with special meals (I've been lucky and not had morning sickness) so am able to do this. Getting into the bath and relaxing together helps alot. We do it at the weekend when we have the time to catch up properly. That hour a week makes a huge difference to our relationship because it brings us closer as we don't always have time during the week.

I hope it gets easier and healthy pregnancies to all.

BellasYummyMummy Wed 04-Nov-09 22:14:12

with my last pregnancy and this one i have completely been off sex. i dont even want to do anything intimate with my DH, its like a switch has been turned off. Shortly having my DD i was eager to get going again.... but once pg again i was like stay away! i think its normal for you to go off sex, pregnancy affects everyone differently. Some women seem to want it more when PG, others less. We have only tried a few times this PG and i dont see it happening again, no matter what DH says/does!!

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