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Newly Preggers for the 1ST time and PETRIFIED! I've wanted this for ages how come i feel so uneasy now?

(29 Posts)
FlowerBee Wed 28-Oct-09 12:57:17

I have wanted to get get pregnant with my DH for the last 5 years - it has pretty much been on my mind since the word go smile - and now i finally am pregnant (on the first try - god forbid, everyone said it would take 2 months to 2 years hmm !!!!!) i feel strangely petrified about the whole situation. Namely,
1. the responsibility that will LAST MY LIFETIME,
2. the PAIN OF LABOUR,
3. the fact my body and particularly my VAGINA will never be the SAME AGAIN!,
4. The looming threat of MORNING SICKNESS and other delightful pregnancy surprises!,
5. I will be consigned to the uncool "MOTHERS" box from the birth onwards.

Surely there must be some perks??? Please, someone put me out of my misery.

BlueChampagne Wed 28-Oct-09 13:10:11

First of all, congratulations! These sort of worries are completely normal.

1. Yes. But so will the joy.
2. When you start ante-natal classes, I'm sure you'll get lots of advice on the various methods of pain relief that weren't available to our Mums. And you may find that you need less than you anticipate.
3. If you work at it then you can stage a pretty good recovery!
4. You might not get it - I didn't.
5. Hopefully you'll decide it's cooler than you thought when you get there!

I joined an ante natal yoga class which was great for meeting local mums-to-be; most of us are still in touch >2 years later, so would recommend that.

mistletoekisses Wed 28-Oct-09 13:13:02

Flower - firstly congrats on your pregnancy!

Secondly - the feeling you are going through is very natural. I remember the reality of my pregnancy hitting me during my first pregnancy. I felt totally overwhelmed at what was to come.

All these feelings and emotions are a good thing; and I totally agree with what I have heard lots of people say. The reason we are pregnant for 40 weeks is simply to give us the time to emotionally prepare for the changes that are coming.

My advice is to talk to your DH about some of these feelings as it will help you both to prepare.

The perks?? Your DC will bring unimagined happiness into your life. And lots of love. The joy of watching them grow and flourish into their own little beings is quite simply wonderful. My DS has bought me so much happiness, I could never have imagined it.

PurpleEgluggedblood Wed 28-Oct-09 13:15:12

It is totally natural to feel like this.

When DH and I started trying for DS1 I got pregnant innediately. I did the test and then thought, oh fuck what hav I done.

I had been desperate to have a baby but suddenly it felt really scary.

You will relax into it, and it is all worth it for the gorgeous baby at the end.

PurpleEgluggedblood Wed 28-Oct-09 13:16:32

Oops forgot to say congratulations blush

FlowerBee Wed 28-Oct-09 13:17:14

Thanks for that BlueChampagne, am a bit emotional at the moment, especially with DH not as thrilled as i hoped he would be with the news!

I guess it's easy to forget that there are pros as well as cons! Will start looking for some antenatal classes at my local gym and hopefully find some mothers-to-be that share my worries and who knows might even find some "cool" mums smile!!

iwascyteenagewerewolf Wed 28-Oct-09 13:21:27

Congratulations! It's natural to be scared - having a baby changes your mind, body and soul, but they're not all bad changes.

1. The responsibility is balanced by the amazing sense of awe that you have managed to create a whole little human grin

2. The pain of labour might not be so bad...or it might, no point denying it. The best thing to do right now is get educated. Read as much as you can about all the things that might happen, all the different methods of pain relief etc. so that you're well prepared, and keep an open mind. Antenatal classes were v helpful for me also with this.

3. It's true, your body will never be the same. Mine certainly isn't, but I love it all the more (and even though I needed stitches after the birth, my flange is in pretty good nick wink)

4. No morning sickness here either, nor insomnia, swollen ankles, weird cravings or aversions.

5. Once your baby is here, you won't give a shit what other people think as you'll be too busy gazing at the tiny person in your arms.

Seriously, motherhood is the shit. I am a better person now than I ever was before I had DS, more focused and confident and thoughtful. And DP and I still have a life, just with an extra dimension of aceness in it.

FlowerBee Wed 28-Oct-09 13:22:00

PurpleEg - felt exactly like that when i got the test results! I am hopeful that i will relax!

The problem about talking to DH, mistletoekisses, is that he is even more worried than me, and has also mentionned that now he "wont be able to buy a sports car and expensive golf clubs" to top it all off!!

PoppyIsApain Wed 28-Oct-09 13:23:09

Congratulations!
You will be fine, yes labour really hurts but your baby is worth all of that pain and more, good luck and relax. smile

Sallypuss Wed 28-Oct-09 13:25:32

Ooh, congratulations!

<<makes self cup of coffee and settles down>>

This is completely natural. Think it's mother nature's way of making you think through what's about to happen and preparing yourself (and an overload of hormones into the mix as well). Dd was the most planned, wanted child, but the moment I got my BFP all sorts of doubts went through my head. If it's any consolation, I also had the 'oh shit what have we done' moment for a few weeks after dd was born, again, it's just a reaction to the enormous change to your life and the dawning realisation that there's no going back on parenthood. I don't say this to scare you but to prepare you - DD is very much the centre of my universe and I would quite happily kill for her so fierce is the love I feel (in fact I'm welling up just typing this! Bloody hormones, she's a year old next week...)

FlowerBee Wed 28-Oct-09 13:45:38

iwasateenagewerewolf - i love the fact you love your body more, gives me some hope!

Thanks everyone for the support. This Mumsnet thing is really brilliant!

BlueChampagne Wed 28-Oct-09 14:17:21

Oh, and join the appropriate ante-natal thread on MN for support and sympathy too.

iwascyteenagewerewolf Wed 28-Oct-09 14:25:55

Yes, definitely do that - one year on from having our babies, the regulars on mine have travelled all over the place to meet up with each other and have all become genuine friends smile

TheMummyonElkStreet Wed 28-Oct-09 14:37:53

yep agree with everything said here but just to add more support really - i quite like the mantra This Too Shall Pass, which definitely works for this feeling, we've probably all had it and soon there will be something else to take your mind off it!
I've seen women who said they'd never have children turn in wonder and joy at their new baby (and become the biggest mumbores too!!) and sallypuss is right - it's a fierce sort of love, you can't describe it till you've felt it. It. Is. Am.A.Zing.
In a few weeks time you'll be impatient for the time to go faster!!
talk to other newby pg people - they'll make you feel good too!
And bugger it - i love my stretch marks. I have to say i've never given my fanjo a second thought but i'm sure it's lovely down there, and haven't heard DH complain (though he has suggested occasionally i "do something about my pant moustache" which i don't think i can blame on childbirth.....) smile

Hello, I am 9 weeks pregnant now and this baby was totally planned too. I felt/feel just the same as you and I am blaming it all on hormones. They seem to make you worry excessively about everything from loosing the baby to not being able to cope with the baby. To start with I just felt like a complete mental case but it is starting to get less scary, honest.
I am on the June 2010 ante natal thread and that helps. Also I have told quite a lot of people and talking to friends who have been through all this really helps. Lots of people don't want to tell anyone to start with but I think you need support no matter what happens so why keep quiet. Hope it all goes really well with you. smile

Liloosmum Wed 28-Oct-09 16:06:42

Just wait until your little one gives you a big kiss and a cuddle and says I love you mummy! Then you can forgive them for anything and it all seems worthwhile, it must be, I'm 9 weeks pregnant with #2

whensmydayoff Tue 03-Nov-09 13:58:31

Oh damn, DS just woke up so don't have time to read answers.

I felt like this first time too and it all disappears as PG advances. I think hormones in begining have alot to do with it. I even felt low about being PG this time (now 31 weeks) at beginning. Trust me, as you get bigger and the baby is kicking and rolling around and things become more real, the panic subsides.

Hypnobirthing is a great course to do. Not only does it teach you how to relax and breath properly, it explains sooooo much about birth that you won't learn from ante natel classes. They only tell you how many drugs you can have so the message there is - EXPECT PAIN GIRLIES! If you are tense and scared during labour, it will be sore, if your relaxed it will run alot smoother. Get yourself down for a course near by and you will feel much more positive about PG and birth.
By the way, your life will never be the same again.....you don't know what it's like to love someone that much until that little person comes into your world, it blows you away. Not only that, it gets stronger and stronger as they grow. You'll never look back.
Lastly - do pelvic floors after, I can honestly say I have never wee'd myself grin!

whensmydayoff Tue 03-Nov-09 14:11:17

He went back to sleep
>sticks kettle on<
And, you know those boring bastards that turn up on a night out and talk about their little darling(s) all night with the most mundane stories that are only interesting to them. Keep them in mind, I did! I go on a night out and manage to say "yes he's grand thanks" and carry on having a laugh with my friends.
I think my DS is hilarious, cute, clever and I sit at night on the phone to my mum giving her every detail of his little day, what he said, what he did. I tell same to my husband because they are both interested too. BUT, you don't loose your brain or personality, you'll still be able to guess that your mates won't give a shit if DS ate a slater or said "luff you mummy". You can still have a life if you choose to.
Those folk that do do the above, were probably prone to talking about themselves all the time pre children.
Leave your DP/DH to go through the emotions he needs to go through, it's natural, sit patiently and watch. Mark my words, his priority's will slowly change in time!

sazlocks Tue 03-Nov-09 14:27:23

Big congrats.

What you feel sounds totally natural and good that you have started thinking this now and have time to get your head round some of it.
1. the responsibility that will LAST MY LIFETIME, - and the unbridled, completely take you off guard, the smallest things in life sort of sheer joy of having a child
2. the PAIN OF LABOUR - its not necessarily unmanagably painful - try hypnobirthing
3. the fact my body and particularly my VAGINA will never be the SAME AGAIN!, - yes but it might be better ? I regard my stretch marks as badges of honour :-)
4. The looming threat of MORNING SICKNESS and other delightful pregnancy surprises!, - in my first preg I was not sick once so you might not get it - most of it was pretty blooming really
5. I will be consigned to the uncool "MOTHERS" box from the birth onwards. - not sure about this really - personally I am still friends with the same people and have mummy friends too. Much as I love my DS and my current bump it would be very dull to just talk about that side of me all the time and as I say to my friends as much as I love their kids and sure they love my DS I am actually friends with them not their kids.

good luck

bluepanda Wed 04-Nov-09 22:55:59

I'm sure every single person felt exactly like this even if only for a fleeting second, if they're honest! Echo what everyone else has said - becoming a mum has been the most magical thing i've ever done in my life!
But you're allowed several more wtf have I done moments!!! i had some with my head against cold floor tiles after puking, and the biggest scary one was immediately after bringing ds home and going, oh my god, they let me bring a child home! what do we do now?
Your partner will relax into it, i think men get more excited when they see a scan and your bump starts growing/ kicking - it's all a bit abstract until then really isn't it

Comma2 Thu 05-Nov-09 01:28:26

I guess it can be a bit overwhelming when it happens right away! grin
But all is well, moms are only moderatley uncool these days, they get to try all the baby snacks and don't have to wash their hair when they don't feel like it. You'll eventually forget about not having a virginal vagina as your brain will suffer hormonal damage and you are much too tired to care anyway. Labour will give you one of the best stories ever to tell and morning sickness will put petty little matters like the flu in perspective. And on top the little ones will put more love in your life than you ever knew was out there, and you'll never be lonely again. smile Join the club!

Fibilou Thu 05-Nov-09 10:27:19

I got PG almost the minute I got my IUD out - which was a bit of a shock. Baby isn't due until January so I can only give advice on pregnancy - it doesn't necessarily mean a ghastly 9 months.
I have been sick 3 times - twice due to not eating for over 24 hours (couldn't face eating in the early days but no nausea), and the other time due to a rogue bit of string on a runner bean (very strong gag reflex at the moment !)
Otherwise I have been one of those incredibly lucky women who hasn't put on weight (although at a size 18 prepreggers this is a massive relief), no stretch marks yet and not one day off sick. I have felt remarkably well and energetic from about 10 weeks so it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll feel ghastly just because you're PG.

However, I did have days in the first trimester where I was so tired the pavement looked increasingly attractive. And no doubt I will have a hideous birth to make up for the easy pregnancy wink

moonsquirter Thu 05-Nov-09 11:48:44

I feel absolutely hideous in pregnancy -tired, sick, just want to keel over really. But it's my second so I know it's all worth it in the end! Worst case scenario, you feel shit for 9 months (more likely 3), have a couple of days of awful birth pains but then you get years and years of joy, love and pride in your amazing child in return.

Have to say, while labour was easily the worst pain I've ever experienced, you do get through - and afterwards it seems completely irrelevant. Just look at how many people choose to go through it over and over!

secretsquirrel1 Thu 05-Nov-09 12:07:00

I can honestly say that I was on such a high that it really didn't hurt (gas & air was the business, but I was very lucky cos it really worked for me! grin).

Again, I was lucky in that I didn't have any morning sickness, and felt really really well throughout.

No two experiences are the same - I would say you should both read the mumsnet book on pregnancy (mumsnetonpregnancy)...easy to dip in & out of, very very good for new mums & dads to be cos there are no right or wrongs, covers every bit of pregnancy. They also have follow on books on babies as well.

There are so many books on the market now that it's very easy to get overwhelmed.

NotGrownUpEnough Thu 05-Nov-09 19:29:16

hi congratulations!
I'm going through exactly the same thing except my wasn't planned. We moved into our lovely house only 9 months ago and it isn't quite furnished yet. When our little suprise cam along (damn tequila in mexico) When i did the test with DH his first comment was 'i'll never be able to have my games room now'.
I'm pretty terrified about it all myself but am unable to say anything as i have to stay constantly positive in case he freaks out even more.
It's great to get on here and vent. Mumsnet is fantastic!

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