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how acceptable is it never to get up with a toddler in the night because you're pregnant?

(15 Posts)
oranges Wed 14-Oct-09 22:41:27

Not sure where I stand on this. DH and I both work full time, I'm about 5 months pregnant and we haev a three year old, who often wakes up in the night. DH and I usualyl split the night time chores without really discussing it, so that sometimes he gets up, and otehr times I do. But recenly I have been so exhausted I simply don't move and dh ends up getting up all the tim. I think its making him ill -the constant interupted sleep. I know t hings will be tough with a newborn, but at least then I don't have to go to work so can snooze in the day. Should I haul myself out of bed more often?

lola0109 Wed 14-Oct-09 22:52:14

Oranges, we are in the same situation but DD is only 13 months. I feel awful as DP is a "mature" student so not only on long placements but works weekends etc. BUT I just can't physically do it unless it's the weekend so I can nap when DD does. My sleep is so bad just now anyway that any is precious so i refuse to budge at night! I just can't function the next day otherwise!

I just think back to the first 6 months when I dealt with all the night feeds as was breast feeding and it makes me feel less guilty about DP now! wink

So basically, no, don't haul yourself out of bed. Get a much sleep as you can!!!

cat64 Wed 14-Oct-09 23:06:50

Message withdrawn

seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 23:18:33

Let the 3 year old sleep in your bed with you. Problem solved.

weaselbudge Thu 15-Oct-09 10:37:12

If you were a man you wouldn't be asking this question! I'm sure women all over the world feel ill through disturbed sleep - however IMO it is more important that you look after your bump and if your DH is happy to get up then let him! But don't take advantage if there are nights where you are less tired than usual (and let DH have lie-in on weekend or you take over the night chores at weekend).

I'm 4 months pregnant and always get up but then again I'm a stay at home mum (although I don't get to snooze during the day - i would have more chance of snoozing at my desk at my old job)

OrmIrian Thu 15-Oct-09 10:43:39

Agree with seeker.

And yes it does seem a bit mean to leave it all to him. But if he's Ok with it?

LadyoftheBathtub Thu 15-Oct-09 10:47:00

I'm still getting up as much as DP when DS wakes up, though it tends to be early waking rather than middle of the night. If I do it, I get into bed with DS so I can rest, though DS then just chats to me. If DP does it, he makes more of an effort to resettle DS properly. But I'm also only 4mo and as time goes on I think I will be more likely to send DP off every time.

Lifeistooshort Thu 15-Oct-09 11:00:36

I am a pathetic sleeper (well an insomniac really) and after DS was 6months old (and I stopped BFing) DH wakes up in the night to see the children if they wake up (unless I hear them or am awake in which case I do). The reason being that DH snores so I have to sleep with earplugs so if I am alseep and don't ear them then I really am asleep IYSWIM. And also usually they tend to wake up when I have just fallen asleep (about two hours after we went to bed) whereas my DH only has to put his head on the pillow to sleep. I they wake me up, then that is it and usually it takes me from 2 to 4 hours to fall asleep againa and sometimes I just cannot fall back asleep.

So DH insists that he gets up as he is only half awake and falls straight back asleep anyway. He would rather have it this way than me being ill through complete lack of sleep. Yes I know he is an angel and I am very lucky.

I think you should talk about it with your husband and perhaps offer to do it at the weekends if you can or maybe just once a week. But if you can't you can't

pamelat Thu 15-Oct-09 12:42:39

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and feeling rubbish.

DD is 21 months and has hand, foot and mouth this week so had 3 bad nights. 2 were bearable, the other 1 was a total of 3 hours sleep. I got up with her because she was shouting for me. However, the following day, I had to go to work and I still feel ill now from only having slept 3 hours.

DH has said that if it happens again then I can't get up for that long because of how ill it made me feel.

I think getting up once or twice for 5 or 10 mins is ok, but that the bulk has to fall to a partner.

whensmydayoff Thu 15-Oct-09 15:28:00

Im 28 weeks PG with 2nd and DS is 2.4 years. He is mostly a good sleeper but like all children he has odd bad nights or unexplained wakenings. Before, Either of us would get up but since I fell PG, DH gets up and I just sleep!!

DH works and Im a SAHM. This new rule is unspoken and he hasn't complained. Im just sooooo out of it. DH even say's I carry on snoring blush, PG thing, and don't hear him sometimes.

I think considering you both work FT you have definitely got the trump card being PG. Why not, it's not as if he is going to give birth for you. Let him do this bit, your doing enough.

MrsBadger Thu 15-Oct-09 15:42:46

I am 6m pg, have a 2.2yo and do all the night wakings. To be fair we are both working ft and dd rarely takes more than 10min to settle.

I have always done them except in the throes of growth spurt / new cot / illness / irrational madness where they involved 2h of crying and I would haul DH out of bed after an hour to do his shift.

After a few weeks/months of trying to share them evenly we discovered I cope better than DH with disturbed sleep - am not sure whether this is a Mum Thing, a me/dh thing, or if I get just as tired but don;t take it out on the rest of the world, but it has worked so far.

It really is down to you and your dh - no generalisations will work.

I am fully intending on making him go to dd in the night when I have a newborn to deal with though.

BellasYummyMummy Thu 15-Oct-09 16:02:22

i also work full time, my dd is 16 months, and im 5 months pregnant with number 2. Luckily my DD hardly wakes in the night, and if she does its just for a dummy. My DH will normally get up if he hears her first, but i will go to her if he's completely zonked out!
depends how you feel, i pretty much stay in a zombie state so go back to sleep easily. dont feel guilty about it though if you need the rest.

ten10 Thu 15-Oct-09 16:12:08

I am 8months pregnant and have got up for my DS during the night throughout this pregnancy as DP never wakes up he is such a heavy sleeper and I am such a light sleeper as it is very rare that I sleep through the night anyway. (and at the moment am waking nearly every two hours to pee)

DS usually wakes about 2 times a night and gets upset, but luckily all he required is having his blankets put back over him and a quick comfort by me rubbing his forehead.

it has made me exhausted, but I have managed to get a nap on the sofa most days after getting back from work while DS sits and watches Cbeebies. and then I get DP to take DS out at the weekend for a couple of hours so that I can have a daytime nap.

oranges Thu 15-Oct-09 19:15:48

thanks for all the messages - even when ds sleeps in our bed, it doesn't help - as he still wakes up to ask for milk, or generally mess around. The main issue is that in the early mornings or bedtime, ds always wants me, so I have no chance of a rest before dinner, or a lie in, whereas dh can have one, and often does! Whereas in the night, ds doesn't mind who comes to him. I often work nights too, so my body clock is shot to pieces all the more.

I'm going to keep ds at nursery a few days at week, which is why I intend to SLEEP when the baby sleeps this time, instead of running around trying to do errands.

Podrick Thu 15-Oct-09 19:23:59

I think it is decidedly unwise to put yourself under more physical presure than is absolutely neccessary when pregnant.

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