since being pregnant my MIL seems to have stepped up her attempts to run my life. Anyone else's act like this?(8 Posts)
She came to stay recently and tidied and cleaned everything I'd let her touch (or not), including, for example, the cats' bowls, which I'd just washed before feeding them. She took the food out, washed them up, and put the food back.
She criticised me for not providing a seating plan at a meal, complained about what I was cooking, and said "you've become a brilliant cook under DH's tutelage", which made me FUME as I'm a good cook, and he has not taught me to cook. And she held on to the front of the trolley all round the supermarket, and tried to suggest things I SHOULD BUY for DH...
For 4 days it felt like NOTHING i did was right... Is this because I'm bearing her grandchild and she doesn't think I'm up to it? She's never been this infuriating before...
We've also just found out that she (or, less likely, FIL) told DH's aunt and uncle about our fertility treatment. I am SO angry about the interference that I never want to see her again, let alone tell her anything. It's SO sad since i've always really enjoyed going to see them. I'm imagining 20 years of advice about parenting coming up...
I am waiting for mine to kick in - they live in ireland, and we hardly see them but she can still infuriate both of us just over the phone. we puposely told them I was pregnant just before them going on a two week cruise just so they couldn't phone us!
They are coming to stay in two weeks, and as I say, am waiting for it all to start - however, I know at the end of the day, she cannot control us or run our lives - so I will just answer her firmly no when I need to, and just let it wash over me when it doesn't actually matter that much - some things you can always let slide!
Still, can see how it is doing your head in -just rise above it - and just think of when you get to hold your baby - and it will just be you and your DH making the descisions in the end.
thanks holytoast - I needed someone to say something down to earth like that! Rise above it....
Feeling your pain woowa my MIL is difficult in a completely different way (constant, not related to having kids ) but even my sister's very nice MIL has gone a bit hyper since they've been expecting DC1. The one piece of advice my own mum gave me was not to let anyone come to stay with you immediately after the baby is born (assuming you will have DH with you for a while at least) - she had her own mother then MIL and found both of them made life harder. She was very good at being supportive when we asked, but didn't impose / come to stay / visit every day etc so might be worth thinking how you will handle the first few weeks which is when other people can really get too much and you may find it harder to be rational.
thanks alana - that confirms what I thought - at the moment we've told both of them they can't come while DH is on paternity leave (the first two weeks). Then it'll hopefully be my parents, then DH's mum. I wonder if i'm being too proud sometimes and should just let them help, but i think my instinct, to work it out for ourselves with local friends' help if we need it, is probably ok. They all live hundreds of miles away so it should be easy to keep them away!!
They can be very annoying, but count your blessings that they are actually interested!!!...having grandparents who might actually be happy to help you out with the kids (i.e. let you and DH go away for the night, occasionally babysit etc) more than makes up for all the interferences!!!!
I would second what alana says about being firm with them in the initial days and weeks. I am lucky enough to have very sweet, very supportive in-laws but looking back to the early days after dd was born I found their visits very stressful. I was having trouble with dd latching on and would end up sitting on the sofa trying desperately to get her to feed while my FiL, bless him, would try subtley to look the other way and my MiL would make 'encouraging' noises at the baby. Of course, what I should have done was excuse myself and fed dd upstairs but you can get caught up in what you feel you 'should' do or what's polite. Don't. I won't be this time around (due in 2 weeks!)...
woowa you have my sympathy (and hello from Feb 2010 thread!).
My MIL veers between very helpful (has DD one day a week for me, and is my standby childcare) and utterly interfering. Her most annoying thing is that she lets herself into our house (she has keys as she brings DD back to ours before we're in from work), tries to do helpful things, but in reality leaves a trail of destruction in her wake (I have to hoover as she walks in a tonne of mud, have to wash everything up as she "helpfully" washes up very badly and everything is still dirty etc).
When I was pregnant with DD, we had to tell her that we wouldn't be calling her when I went into labour as she was trying to assert her right to sit in the hospital and wait for DD to be born! We are constantly having to assert ourselves in this way, and to be fair to her, she does take it.
But when I'm not with her, I'm grateful she's interested and involved. Really. I'm the envy of my mum chums for having someone who will have DD for a sleepover so we can have a night out.
As *holytoast" says, rise above it. And if she does insist on coming over when you're heavily pregnant or have just had a baby, provide plenty of direction (like, could you do that load of washing up and put that laundry out please). It'll stop her deciding what to do for herself and at least some of your chores will get done.
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