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Age gap between babies 19 month gap

(23 Posts)
restlessmog Fri 09-Oct-09 14:04:51

Took ages (literally years) to conceive our first baby and were delighted when our baby daughter was born. She had colic but although this did not change how overwhelmingly lucky and happy we felt to have her, bits of our life slipped a bit in particular in the bedroom dpt!. Anyway, we cannot have had sex more than a couple of times since she was born and when she was 10 months (Sept) I was gobsmacked to find I was pregnant again. Can literally only have been one time we had sex (as over the relevant month and ovulation there only was one occasion when it might have happened!!). We are happy as we wanted two although not sure whether my husband feels a bit cheated as to how quickly it happened!!!!
Anyway just wondered whether there were any thoughts out there about ideal age gap, what I might face assuming the baby I am now pregnant with is carried to term, and my daughter will be about 19 months when the new baby is born. I have already thought of two sets of nappies to change. Any other horrors of a similar nature await me? Anyone with babies of a similar age gap out there who have any thoughts?

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 09-Oct-09 14:16:28

Big congratulations to you grin

I have just had my DD2 (10 wo now) there are 20 months between DD1 and DD2. I am not gonna lie and say it is always easy with this kind of age gap but it has been easier than I expected it to be IYSWIM.

The biggest thing I can say is not to expect too much, in that don't try to do too much, make sure you have lots of lovely things for your eldest to watch on TV, toys etc. It's not going to hurt to watch a bit more TV than they normally do. DH and I got DD1 a painting kit and let her run riot with it so that I can concentrate on DD2 while DH is at work.

Involve you DD as much as you can with helping care for your lo, they are better at it than you think at this age. DD1 helps me to change DD2's nappy and does most of it, I just have to check she has cleaned her bottom well, she even applies her nappy cream lol (messy but good to watch)

I invested in a decent sling (moby wrap) to carry DD2 in while around the house so that I can still be hands on with DD1. It has been invaluable to me, DD2 loves it, it helps to settle her and eases her colic, she sleeps well in it and I can get on with things and interact with DD1.

If you can put all of your lo's bits (nappies, wipes etc) in a basket/box within reach of of your eldest and ask them to bring you what you need.

I try to get DD1 to interact with DD2 by asking her to tell DD2 what is in the book DD1 is reading or what is happening on the TV etc. DD1 loves it and is constantly talking to DD2 telling her stories and what not.

Hope this helps.

If I remember anything else I will come back.

DougalDoneGood Fri 09-Oct-09 14:22:07

Congratulations!

I have 2y5m gap between my first 2, then a 4 yr gap, before another two 21 months apart. The 21 month gap was the best age gap imo. It was great and if I were to do it all again I'd definitely go for the smaller age gap.

You'll love it

restlessmog Fri 09-Oct-09 14:25:07

Brilliant that is really really helpful thanks in particular for the tips which I have made a note of. The one thing i thought was good was that they might be able to be more playmates for each other being fairly close in age. There was 16 months between my sister and I and we played together when we were little (teenage years were another story but I won't go into that!) so I was hoping when the little one gets a bit older they could be companions for each other, if the sibling rivalry hasn't kicked in.
Did you find you were up all night more than ever because once you had seen to newborn the oldest woke up? Think I might have to get husband a bit more involved in nights once the second has arrived than he was with the first where I did most of it (and was happy with that but not sure how I will cope if they are both awake at night and need settling)
anyway thanks for your comments, we had planned a 2 year gap approximately but i have learnt that you cannot plan these things! Next challenge is telling my boss who I am not sure has got over my first maternity leave yet....

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 09-Oct-09 14:37:26

lol at your boss not being over your first maternity leave yet grin

TBH I find nights easier this time around, even with the two of them, but I think that comes down to the fact that I knew what to expect IYSWIM. Deffo get your DH to help with the night wakings.

I also hope that my 2 DD's will be able to get on and play with each other when DD2 is a bit older. I was always a bit worried about that as there is a similar age gap between my DB and myself but we hated each other sad. Love each other now though grin. I personally think it was down to the fact that my mum couldn't cope with us both and I got pushed out, I always remember her telling me when I was about 2 and a half (one of my first memories) that my brother deserves her attention more than me and because I was older I had to deal with it, consequently I didn't take kindly to my DB then.

I was determined not to do that with my DC, so i give DD lots of positive reinforcements and show/tell her that I love and appreciate her help etc. It really does help them to cope with this little being that has taken over their house lol.

MamiBabi Fri 09-Oct-09 14:39:32

This thread has really cheered me up - thank you for starting it! I'm 39+4 today and my DS is 21 months. Have been busy avoiding thinking about the reality of what I've let myself in for but having read these positive accounts am now feeling really reassured! Thanks

restlessmog Fri 09-Oct-09 14:43:31

Yes sibling rivalry was definitely a feature between my sister (who as I say is 16 months younger than me). Is it worse when the age gap is small or does it make no difference I wonder. The sex of the babies seems irrelevant, my husband hated his sister and my sister and i had our moments too!! I remember her being quite an extrovert and a bit of a show off, the photo albums are full of me standing in some "nice" home made dress looking a bit detached from the situation whilst my sister threw her dinner on the floor and my parents roared with laughter at what a tyke she was....!!
Anyway it is really useful to have tips on how to involve the oldest, not having enough love for two babies is another one of my worries as my daughter seems to take all my attention and love all day long (which is lovely for me but how do you expand that to fit two??)

insertwittynicknameHERE Fri 09-Oct-09 14:49:31

Oh restlessmog, I remember feeling exactly the same as you when I was pg with DD2, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to love DD2 as much as I love DD1, I just couldn't understand where the 'extra' love would come from IYSWIM. But it was there, I felt it, I have it, I love both of my girls so much it literally hurts sometimes. Even though I am struggling with mild PND at the minute I just lover her so much, as much as DD1.
Don't forget to talk to your DH about your fears, mine was fantastic when I told him I was worried about not being able to love DD2 as much as DD1.

naughtyameliajayne Fri 09-Oct-09 21:12:24

i've got 12 months between my 1st 2 and 24 months between 2 and 3 - its utter bloomin chaos but wonderful!!! at first there were 3 nappies to change each morning, 2 bottles and a boob each night...!! but its great and i wouldnt change it - dont be too hard on your self - your aim for each day is to get through it!!

smackapacka Fri 09-Oct-09 21:28:30

Another glad person here reading these posts. My 2 will be 22 months apart. Life is great with a toddler, so I try to keep reminding myself that the difficult newborn bit will be over in the blink of an eye and I can look forward to the fun bit all over again <optimistic emoticon>

beckynbump Fri 09-Oct-09 21:30:22

Next babe due in 2 weeks and there will be a 19month gap between it and my little girl. Cannot wait

Derv78 Fri 09-Oct-09 21:35:47

I am also glad to hear of everyone's positive experiences. There will be a 19 month age gap between DD1 and DC 2&3; currently 28weeks pg with identical twins.
Know it's going to be crazy busy, but looking forward to it.
Think that getting DD involved in care of babies is an excellent idea. She knows that there are babies in mummy's tummy, but not sure she knows they're gonna come out & live in her house! Have been looking over her baby photos with her & was very surprised she recognised her own 20week scan photo as 'baby'.
DD is a very active little girl, who thrives on 1:1 attention, so things are gonna change in a big way for her!
Any other tips would be gratefully accepted!

juuule Fri 09-Oct-09 21:39:53

Ideal age gap? Hmmmm. With having had several miscarriages I came to the conclusion that getting pregnant and carrying to term was ideal.
I have age gaps ranging from 15m to 3y4m. They are all ideal to me.

EdgarAllenPoo Fri 09-Oct-09 21:43:48

you could try Potty Training @18mo...though PT involves much bending over and crouching with LO (or did for me) which could be hard when heavily duffed.

i wish mine had been 18 mo before the birth...its a hassle as inevitably toddler will want a wee when baby wans a feed.

but i think its good to have a small gap - don't worry about it!!!

lola0109 Sat 10-Oct-09 22:29:01

restlessmog it could've been that wrote your op from the age gap to the two times we've had sex since DD was born. Almost identical stories.

I'm 16 weeks pg with DC2 and DD will be almsot 19 months when he/she arrives. I have only got over the shock in the last 4 weeks and am panicking about everything from feeding to sleeps to potty training. I worry I'm going to rush DD with everything when I should be spending more time with her.

BUT, i've got friends who've been through the same and assure me it will be fine and I just remember how close my brother and I and my sister and I (18 month gaps between us all) are and how we got on when we were younger. I don't remember there being any chaos in our house, although my mum assures me there was.

Helps that DP is being so great about it all.

Good luck with the pregnancy. It'll be great!

Tommy Sat 10-Oct-09 22:32:53

I have a 19m gap between DS1 and 2. It is great IMO - generally, they get on, play together etc. DS2 is a year behind DS1 at school which is nice was well.

I would highly recommend it smile

BellasYummyMummy Sun 11-Oct-09 08:46:23

nice to read this thread, my DD will be 22 month when this LO is born, i have had moments of complete panic but i am also so happy as we tried for years for our DD so am pleased with the age gap. The things I am worrying about are finances, and space!! we have a 2 bedroom house, and our car isnt very big so am starting to worry how its all going to work but I know it will somehow. Also worrying about if i should return to work after my maternity leave runs out, 2 LOs in childcare just doesnt seem worth going into work for. So many things to think about...

girlsyearapart Sun 11-Oct-09 09:00:49

you'll be fine! hectic but fine. good luck.

cloudydaze Sun 11-Oct-09 20:53:25

Hi,
We have exactly 19 months between our two boys & had same situation as you - took ages to get pregnant with DS1 & then no time for DS2. They are now 2 & 3.5yrs & whilst it is hard at the beginning in terms of the older one is still in nappies etc it is really lovely now that they are older as they are really close & play really well together. Also the older one won't remember life without their sibling & they do adapt v quickly to life with a baby. I would get some sticker books & soft books to look at with the older child when you're feeding the younger one - you don't want hard books in case he/she hits the baby with it - unfort had this happen once!
Also I thought it was easier in a way having the children quite close in that you are used to sleepless nights & nappies having never got away from them with the first. Also it's easier second time 'round as you know that they do sleep through the night at some stage also b'feeding, if you choose to do it, seems to be much quicker with the second.
Good luck!

FlamingoBingo Sun 11-Oct-09 20:57:59

Small age gaps are exhausting but wonderful.

I have three small age gaps - 20m, 23m and 21m. I love it. It's so, so worth it, but do make sure you look after yourself - get as much help as you can and trust that, after the early years, you'll look back and be so pleased you had them close together.

Chynah Sun 11-Oct-09 23:09:47

I'm currently 13 weeks - will be 15 months between this one and DS. Think I'm going to be busy!

juuule Mon 12-Oct-09 07:58:38

There is 16m and 15m between my dc2,3 and 4. Hectic sometimes but loved it.

woowa Mon 12-Oct-09 18:39:00

i'm 30! There is a 19 month gap between me and my older brother, and I have always LOVED being so close to him in age. So, there'll be good times ahead for them, even if it is a little tiring for you now.

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