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How do you survive 2nd pregnancy??

(22 Posts)
Comma2 Fri 09-Oct-09 01:20:05

As has been scientifically proven by another thread, 2nd pregnancies seem more difficult than 1st- mine certainly is. I am constantly sick or in pain and have to take care of 20 mo--had fight today with DH, who is getting fed up with not being able to do his job at work bc he has to help out. He acknowledges it's not my fault if I'm sick, but by now he feels very resentful if I am anyway and gives me the passive-agressive treatment on top of being pregnant and sick.

WHat did everybody do?? Did you just lump it and ran sick after DC1, or did you have help? Any tricks on how to stay healthy?? I have another month to go, and besides am afraid it'll be worse after!I was very healthy first time, now I don't dare to count on that anymore.... Also no family to help out and not enough money for regular daycare, household help etc. Help please, I have to manage this somehow!

BellasYummyMummy Fri 09-Oct-09 15:20:01

poor you, i'm sure somehow you'll find a way to manage. I found my second pregnancy has been a lot harder, i have a 15 month old and was quite ill up until recently (am 19 weeks now). I find it hard as you have to go about your normal routine but with a toddler still, so carrying them around is hard, and getting up in the night etc. But then I think other mums have coped so I should too. Luckily my husband helps out loads, and i am fortunate that my mum is about an hour and a half away so she can always help if i really need her.
try not to stress about it too much, you're going to have two little ones to take care of and i'm sure you'll do just fine- it will take awhile to settle into a new routine. Can you sit down with your DH and just say your concerns and how you are feeling? and ask for a little more help?

MrsFawlty Fri 09-Oct-09 15:40:30

Sympathies, I also found it very, very hard. DS1 was/is very highly strung and active and I was physically struggling for quite a lot of the time, which I hadn't so much the first time. I was also having a bad time with family treating me like crap at the time which didn't help. We got zero help from family the whole 9 months, also couldn't afford childcare...

All you can do is take anyone up who offers help (if you are lucky enough to know such wonderful people that actually appreciate how hard it can be!), and failing that, you just have to rely on DH to help you out and hang in there. You do find a way to muddle through, but it can be blimmin hard so don't beat yourself up or feel bad if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by it. It can be very overwhelming!

Comma2 Fri 09-Oct-09 19:59:30

Thanks! I am afraid DH is jsut as maxed out as I am, and all our friends have two kids and the same thing going on. Somehow they seem to have no trouble coping, but it may jsut seem that way. I could handle a lot better if I wasn't sick all the time. Might not be able to nurse for very long if this continues, as I can't do this without meds.
I guess it'll be lots of TV and microwave dinners then...

BellasYummyMummy Sat 10-Oct-09 08:02:06

try and make a few meals now that you can freeze, which will make things a bit easier. I;m sure your friends dont find it easy, but it's always worth asking for help if you need it. The worse they can say is no.

woodhj Sat 10-Oct-09 09:47:44

I am 25 weeks pregnant and can not wait for baby to be born. I feel like crap constantly and am even sick of hearing myself moan. To top it off i am full of cold along with our 3 year old which is lots of fun!

DH is a pain in the arse and thinks that i can run around after him just as much as usual hense many arguments.

No more babies after this one even if its another girl!

Body thinks "hay! ive done this pregnancy thing before, lets make it feel like she is 9 months pregnant from the start"

I keep thinking "grin and bear it, only 3 months to go. ARGGGH!"

NestaFiesta Sat 10-Oct-09 10:20:07

Nothing scientific about it- Just means you're already running round after one, and there's no sick leave or annual leave from that particular job!

I am 7 months pregnant with DS2 (with a bad case of SPD), and have a very active 3 year old DS1 who goes to nursery for 2.5 hours a day. By the time I've walked him there, walked home, walked back to fetch him and walked him home again, I'm in agony and its still only 11.30am.

Funnily enough, I thought I was so hard done by first time round, but it was a walk in the park compared to this! Good luck all 2nd timers, and as for 3rd and 4th (and more) timers- I take my hat off to you.xxx

Comma2 Sat 10-Oct-09 14:30:36

I too am so fed up with moaning and having to say I am sick too! I mean I am sick so much it's silly. I had a cold a week ago when my toddler and DH had it too, and then the exact same thing again this week! It's like my body couldn't even handle making antibodies. And who believes that?? Not my DH.

Nesta, sorry about the SPD. Can't you drive?

I have decided that all bets are off for now, from doing the extra step of recycling to cooking meals from anything resembling scratch, not letting baby watch movies or walking the dog. Doesn't feel good or right, but there is no other way. Just can't handle it all.

BeckyBendyLegs Sat 10-Oct-09 17:38:31

I'm on number 3 and found the first three months tough and other people do assume just because you are coping that you can cope running around after one or more other children as well as feeling like death. There really is no such thing as sick leave in this job. If it is any consolation there are lots of us who have gone through it / are going through it. I know what you mean about moaning too. Nine months is a long time to be moaning and I worry my DH gets fed up of hearing the same old moans over and over again. He claims he isn't though.

Comma2 Sat 10-Oct-09 18:20:53

What a lovely DH, Becky...my DH not only got fed up after a week, he has openly declared that he feels resentful for having to pick up my slack and that he can't do anything about it. Which REALLY doesn't help.

alana39 Sat 10-Oct-09 20:07:00

Comma it's awful isn't it? I had DS1 and 2 18 months apart so thought this time would be much easier (DS2 just turned 5) but have been so sick, and until he started full time school last week it was a nightmare. At least my last month will have been a bit easier.

As for your friends with 2 who all appear to cope - I think most people seem to be coping from the outside however bad things really are. The arguments tend to stay at home. DH and I had a pretty steady, argument free relationship until DCs - it wasn't so much him being pissed off when I was ill / tired which is just plain unreasonable, but everyone gets much more irritable when they're tired and not only did I struggle to sleep but everytime I made a big meal out of trying to turn over in bed, or got up to go to the toilet again, or when my back went and I just couldn't do much, he had to pick up the slack and then it's not just you sleep, but relaxation time that disappers. It will pass, you will cope, sorry I can't offer any advice as to how to make it better quicker though.

Comma2 Sat 10-Oct-09 20:15:00

Well, if there is light at the end of the tunnel, i'll take it. I guess we just have agreed after fight that we'll survive somehow and that helped already....

whomovedmychocolate Sat 10-Oct-09 20:16:09

I accepted I could no longer be an adequate parent and just went with it Sorry but DD survived, DS was born and has survived and you just muddle through. It's bloody hard work though I agree.

katnkittens Sun 11-Oct-09 00:43:39

I went to college full time and put my toddler in chidcare throughout my 2nd pregnancy grin. I found college easier than him!! They are now 13 and 11 and very nice children but GOD it was hard when they were younger.

I'm now pregnant with DC4 after a 6 year gap. Mine are all at school and my biggest problem is keeping the pregnancy from them (Im only 9 weeks and have had 2 previous m/cs).

As whomovedmychoc said, accept that you can't do everything. My DCs spent a lot of time in front of the TV whilst I vegetated on the sofa in a state of 'whatdidIdo' panic and are very intelligent lovely little people indeed!

Your little ones are unlikely to suffer long term damage because you were too knackered to finger paint or take them to toddlers.

xxx

naomi83 Sun 11-Oct-09 18:29:42

can you find other expecting mums with toddlers in the area, and arrange "mum playgroup" where you each take all 4/5 kids for 1 morning each, and get the other 3/4 mornings off to sleep/freezer stock. my mum did this when we were kids. it's great fun for the kids cos they get to try out different toys/parks, and you make much more of an effort with food and games when you only have to do it one morning a week.

tasjaSAmuminSA Sun 11-Oct-09 20:13:33

Hi comma2
Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I'm 7 and a half weeks pregnant with DC2 and I'm also sick alot. Worse than 1st pregnancy. I've got brongitis now since Wednesday and have been in bed the whole weekend. Must go to school tomorrow to assess children for their year end reports. Going to tell my dragon boss lady that I'm going on maternity leave on Friday. I just can't do it anymore. Got an active 3year old at home so I just want to rest.

Luckily my DH helps out, only when he comes home after 5. I'm at home from 2. BUT now he is also sick.....

susiey Sun 11-Oct-09 20:40:20

2nd pregnancy are really hard running around after a lo while carrying a baby is really hard work.

you have to rest when your toddler is resting. my dd gave up her nap about 3 months in so we changed to having a dvd in the afternoon and a sleeping with 1 eye open on the sofa mummy.

good news was once the baby was born it was much easier I was less tired and the baby slept and walking everywhere wasn't exhausting

tasjaSAmuminSA Sun 11-Oct-09 20:46:39

Meant to say 7 and a half MONTHS pregnant

paddyclamp Sun 11-Oct-09 20:56:51

If it's any consolation...i found it easier looking after a lively toddler DS and a newborn than being pregnant and having a toddler to run round after!

Comma2 Sun 11-Oct-09 22:08:38

I so hope it'll be easier with a nb and a toddler...at least you can stop nursing and take meds if you really have to.

Yes, one of my problems was that dd1 just stopped taking naps and we don't have TV or had a room with a sofa...but today dd took a morning nap which was great, DH finished the basement, so sofa and VCR can be used and mommy took another one-eye nap while dd was watching a movie...I ordered a bunch..grin So that's a lot better. Also the cold is getting better, no fever anymore, and can actually swallow for the first time in two weeks. Are things looking up?

I always have a look-ouit for other mommys, but in the end I wouldn't want dd to go to anybody I haven't know for a while. And my friends dc are a bit older, so would be difficult for them to adjust to baby. But I'll bring it up with them...I think instead of a little baby present I'll ask for a coupon to entertain dd for an afternoon...

Laugs Mon 12-Oct-09 08:53:37

You have my total sympathy. I've found this pregnancy SO much harder now that I have DD (nearly 3) to look after too.

There is no time off. I haven't slept through the night for weeks as she has started waking in the night again.

I also feel, and I said this to DH the other day (to his credit, he didn't try to deny it), that with the first pregnancy it was a real journey we were going through together. This time round I still have to cope with all the difficulties of pregnancy, but DH is no longer fascinated by every change I experience. His work is also much busier and he's home so much later at night etc.

I have fond memories of finishing work last time to go on maternity leave and having plenty of time for myself, to rest up and get everything in order. That seems like a far-off fantasy now smile

Comma2 Tue 13-Oct-09 01:57:08

Oh I know, it has gone from relationship journey to see-how-you-deal. Which I understand, but it makes it another bit harder.

For some reason I am of the opinion that half of DH's sick days should be mine...so if I get sick, he can take one of those to stay home and watch DD. But he doesn't seem to see it that way. He's a professor, so hard for him to not show up and leave entire lecture hall of students hanging, but stiiiiiilll!!!
When he's sick, he stays in bed. hmm Those are the days I wished I'd be working, could drop dd off at daycare, take my own sick day and return to bed....sounds so lovely, doesn't it....

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