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Pregnant and scared

(15 Posts)
orchidgirl Tue 06-Oct-09 14:17:10

I have just found out that I am pregnant, and rather than feeling excited all I can think about is miscarrying. I had been trying on and off for 11 years, when I fell pregnant two years ago. That pregnancy ended at 7 weeks. A few months ago I decided that I had to come to terms with not having a child as it was so unlikely to happen. I thought I had come to terms with it, but now this.

I tested yesterday as I was a week late and had lost my appetite. Of course, as soon as I saw the positive result all the symptoms have started; permanent queasiness, breasts that cant be touched, back pain. From the date of my last period I am only 5w+5, and am so scared that I will lose this one too.

Does this fear go, and what happens if I do miscarry? I don't think I can go through the formal "trying" again, but also I don't think it will be easy to accept not having a child either.

esselle Tue 06-Oct-09 14:37:14

Congratulations first of all!

I kinda know how you feel. I have 2 DCs but have also had 2 miscarriages and know the early pregnancy fear you speak of. I have miscarried every other pregnancy.

With my current pregnancy I just ignored that I was pregnant for as long as possible - only told other people/family once I was 12wks and am now only starting to relax and enjoy at 21wks folllowing my second scan.

It sucks for you to feel this way and it is bloody unfair but hopefully this one will be successful for you.

Take it easy, relax, don't get too stressed and be kind to yourself what ever the outcome. I wish you all the best.

Cooch Tue 06-Oct-09 14:41:27

Congratulations! Sorry you don't feel you can be excited just yet, which is completely understandable. Every pregnancy is different so there doesn't sound any reason why this one should end up the same. Many women miscarry (as high as 1 in 4 I think) then go on to have healthy babies. I know several people that miscarried with their first but the next pregnancy was fine. Try to relax which I am sure is easier said than done. Good luck x

higgeldytownweirdo Tue 06-Oct-09 14:41:59

Congratulations first of all.
I think you will always worry about your pregnancy but even more so if you have miscarried in the past.
Talk to someone at your local early pregnancy unit, they may do a reasurrance scan or ask your doctor for advice if you are able to get an early scan perhaps your mind will be able to rest easier.
Take care honey xx

roundabout1 Tue 06-Oct-09 14:42:55

Hi orchidgirl, I'm sorry to hear of your problems I also got a bfp but feeling very worried. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks on 3rd Sept & after a week of feeling yuk did a preg test last fri & got a bfp. I'm so confused, I'm happy as was gutted after mc but so so scared the same thing will happen. I suppose the thing to concentrate on is that you have got a bfp, fingers crossed all will be well. If the worst happens face that when you come to it, you've just got pregnant so it can happen again. I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, I'm feeling rotten & probably is preg symptoms but I'm just so paranoid about having another mc.

Vallmo Tue 06-Oct-09 14:46:01

Firstly, big congratulations! I think most women are scared of miscarrying in the early weeks of their pregnancy. This is my first pregnancy and I am now 21 weeks so the risk is somewhat reduced but I am still checking my knickers for blood everytime I go to the loo. I sort of do it automatically now but during the first 12 weeks I did feel a lot more nervous about miscarrying.

The risk of miscarrying reduces significantly after 12 weeks so for me that was a sort of milepost to pass. Unfortunately there is nothing to do but wait and try and stay positive and try and not worry too much (although I know that is difficult).

You are in a particular difficult situation since you've already miscarried once before and you have tried for a baby for such a long time. But many women go on to have perfectly normal pregnancies after having miscarried (my sister being one example).

As the weeks progresses and your baby is growing stronger I think the fear will get less and less.

Look after yourself, try and allow yourself to feel excited about this pregnancy and try to stay positive. I wish you all the best.

Den26 Tue 06-Oct-09 15:59:09

Hi, i too have MC'd, earlier this year, i had a MMC at 8.5 wks. I have recently found out i am pregnant again (around 6 weeks), i am pleased but very anxious that it can all go wrong again. I spoke with the staff at the EPU and they have agreed to letting me have an early scan to help keep my nerves at bay - having scan tomorrow. I don't think i'll fully relax until after 12 week scan when risk reduces.

Congratulations!!!, my advice would be to speak with your GP and let them know how anxious you are, you may be able to get an early scan too, it definately helps to reassure.

Good luck with your pregnancy

lal123 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:26:34

I've had 2 MCs, and am currently 37+2 weeks preg. The MCs have really affected how I've felt about this pregnancy - to be honest I still can't believe that in about 3 weeks I'll have a baby! Like Vallmo says pregnancy is full of milestones - so I just concentrated on those.

Be good to yourself - and good luck.

Mama2b5 Tue 06-Oct-09 18:23:38

OG ,Den26,R1, -i have to just say how strong you all r! i do believe no one knows how nature is such ahard thing and in many ways we r so not in control and just have to just hope and pray and take 1 day at a time.
I have got 2 DC and they were not planned and was a plesent shock and i had no probs all the way through. i had an ep in 2006 and that turned my world upside down why did this happen was it something i did i went stir crazy fro months after, got emotional when i saw women pregnant and cried when i saw babies! why i have 2 DC. i guess it the well it didnt happen before so why know?? after i just wanted to get pregnant to prove that nothing was wrong with me! and it was just not happening! then in march i lost my mum and i was so low with everything i missed my period but just thought it was stress i then bought a clear blue test and it told me i was 5 weeks - shock!!!! smile
i do believe this child is s true gift from God and my mum she wanted another grandchild and she wanted a boy both will be happening in 16 weeks! i still place hands on my belly and feel him move and Thank God he is still there when i awake the next morning! smile

Your feelings are so normal, but try and have some piece of mind because it was meant to be! freting and stressing isnt healthy and is just added pressure! speak to some one about your feelings get it ff your chest and then see if you can have an early scan! for your own piece of mind! have you got a DH/DP to talk to how do they feel?

For all who have gone through this your so not alone! but you will and can get through- trust your body to take care of this unborn baby! prayers and thoughts with you! stay in touch on this thread there are also others that will also help! smile

orchidgirl Thu 08-Oct-09 06:28:52

Many thanks for all your kind words. I am trying to relax about it, but every twinge makes me worry. What probably doesn't help is that I have recently been made redundant, so don't have work to distract me. I will need to pick up some hobbies to keep me busy for the next few weeks....

esselle Thu 08-Oct-09 06:53:00

Read the Twilight books!! Should take a couple of weeks for you to get through, easy non challenging entertainment!

Then get yourself off the the DVD shop and watch all of those movies you have been meaning to watch.

Keep your mind occupied!

Comma2 Thu 08-Oct-09 07:32:46

orchid, does the long ttc have anything to do with the mc? If not, your stats to not mc again are excellent, the same as for somebody that didn't mc. If yes, the docs should monitor right away.
Massive congratulations, btw!

orchidgirl Fri 09-Oct-09 06:07:40

Hi Comma2, no the long TTC isn't anything to do with the MC, at least not that we know. It is just that when we have only managed two pregancies in so many years, paranoia does follow.

It doesn't help that my symptoms vary day by day; breasts agony one day, only tender the next, queasy one day, feel OK the next. The only continuing sysptoms are a reduction in appetite and continue back ache/stiffness.

One other symptom I have is leg ache. Not cramp, but continual muscle ache down the front and sides of my thighs. Feels like I have run a marathon. Has anyone else suffered from this, and if so when does it stop.

barbie1 Fri 09-Oct-09 08:17:43

hi orchidgirl...congrats.

I too had a mmc last year and now im 21 weeks pregnant again smile unfortuantly ill be a paranoid wreak until i finally give birth but with each passing week it does get ever so slightly easier.

Re leg ache, i had that from about week 6 until about week 10. Doctor didnt seem at all concerned when i mentioned it to her. Was just told to get plently of rest when i needed to but excercise when i could as it keeps circulation etc going. Try swimming or going for a walk...takes your mind of things too for a few minutes hours.

Some days i had no symptoms and spent hours prodding my boobs to make them hurt hmm but then for about week 8 or 9 i felt like crap!

Comma2 Fri 09-Oct-09 14:09:03

I agree, it's very early for significant symptoms yet. They often don't kick in until week 8. And if you anxiously monitor everyhting, your mind will play a bunch of tricks on you. You could try and make your doc monitor your HCG levels to make sure they go up. Must think up a good argument though, as so far you sound fine!

I had a good year of ttc, so I somewhat understand how you must feel. I had lots of spotting and was terrified of mc too, so I kept calling the doctor and the doctors kept checking hormones. Was very calming for nerves.

You'll be fine! Don't stress if you can!

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