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Im so lonely, fed-up, im trying to pull myself out of my wreckage but everytime i try something else goes wrong :(

(18 Posts)
QueenofVenus Tue 29-Sep-09 20:52:13

Im 20 weeks pregnant, partner has gone, he threatening to come back when babys due to "get his property" he is harrassing me not just coming round but constant messages via people or txts stating he'll never leave me alone, he'll ALWAYS be there to make my life hell. Police try, but they cant do much. Dont know what to do anymore sad

Dominique07 Tue 29-Sep-09 20:55:42

Can you go and stay with someone to give you some support. Turn off your phone and cut him out of your life for a few weeks? Enjoy your pregnancy and forget about him for a bit?

Meglet Tue 29-Sep-09 20:57:08

sad. The police fined and cautioned my ex P when he started harrasing me non stop. Even 1 days worth of nasty text messages was enough to make them go and have a word with him, although I had called them about him in the past so it wasn't the first offence. You have to get in touch with Womens Aid who should be able to help you a lot.

Are you able to stay in the house, is it in your name?

Dominique07 Tue 29-Sep-09 20:58:24

I bet he has become a bit obsessed with you and your pregnancy, maybe he is watching you, are you on Facebook etc? - give him 4 or 5 weeks of no contact, no sign of you at home, nothing to interest him - he'll forget all about it... just my thoughts, don't really know about him of course but he just sounds immature.

AngelaCarleen Tue 29-Sep-09 21:12:20

Which people are passing on messages? Ask them not to or avoid them if you can. Get in touch with womens aid, they'll be able to offer you support if nothing else. Keep going with the police, the more they know about the more they can help with. Can you change your phone number, or speak to the provider and ask them to block his number?

Is he talking about the baby as his property? Sounds so scary for you sad

Jennylee Tue 29-Sep-09 21:16:43

Can you move out of the area completely? if he is really dangerous.

Jennylee Tue 29-Sep-09 21:19:33

just noticed you have other kids so thats not really practical, you need to get the police to take this seriously. What have they tried so far to help?

QueenofVenus Tue 29-Sep-09 21:20:48

Ive been to womens aid, they were great, been in touch with a local support worker who offered me really helpful advice, they are all good, but its all just advice, he has been like this with his ex-wife and he's never got bored, they split almost 4 years ago and he LOVES to just cause her trouble and wind her up, im terrified hes going to do the same to me and use this baby as a tool to cause trouble etc. I have 3 other kids, they arent his, they are scared of him, but he came round banging on my doors and windows the other day and frightened my little girl so much she wee'd herself, i called the police, they called me an hour later and said his mum (who he currently lives with) has said he hasnt left the house and his sister backed that up too sad everything i try just fails miserably, i cant describe how depressed i feel.

Meglet Tue 29-Sep-09 21:24:52

Can you just peek out of the window and video him if he comes round, no idea how legal or maybe inflammatory this might be though. If his bloody mum is on his side then you need to find a way of building a strong case against him.

CAB might have a free solicitor you could use to put a non-molestation order against him.

AngelaCarleen Tue 29-Sep-09 21:25:33

Could you get a camera or dictaphone so you can record him harrassing you? If he's making so much noise you wouldn't have to let him see it to be able to record it. Don't the police have to come if you ring 999 and ask for help? angry

QueenofVenus Tue 29-Sep-09 21:30:45

I tried to video him, the police said its illegal as its against his personal rights or something like that. Last time he was round i called the police, they came almost an hour later and he had long gone. His ex-wife said she has the same trouble, on the occasion the police do catch him, he leaves, or is taken away and leaves it a while and then come back, knocks on the door and then just laughs at you, he only stays a very short while as not to risk getting caught again. But he NEVER EVER gives up.

Meglet Tue 29-Sep-09 21:35:27

He sounds like a time-bomb waiting to go off and bloody dangerous. Your local police are crap. Mine have always been here within a few minutes, domestic abuse is classed as a no.1 priority.

Are you entitled to legal aid?

Theres another organisation called Rights of Women I think, they offer legal advice.

QueenofVenus Tue 29-Sep-09 21:40:00

Yes, im pretty sure im entitled to legal aid. Im arranging to get hold of a good solicitor tmoro. Just want it to be all over, want some kind of life back. Want my poor kids to feel safe and happy. Why does he have to be caught stabbing me in a frenzy before anyone will listen to me and do something, anything!!

Meglet Tue 29-Sep-09 21:43:23

Just keep all the text messages and e-mails (this is what womens aid and the police told me), type the texts up if you can so its easy for someone to read through them but keep them on your phone aswell. Maybe stick a sheet on the fridge and make a note of everything that he does / says when it happens so you don't forget. Then you will have a nice big file of evidence to slap on your solicitors desk when you meet them grin.

QueenofVenus Tue 29-Sep-09 21:59:18

I will, i have kept everything, thanku for the advice, i will try and write things down too. Its all so hard. Feel so alone.

westlondongirl Wed 30-Sep-09 11:33:50

Hi QueenofVenus. What a complete nightmare. You have my sympathy. I was harassed for 2 years by an ex and despite police involvement I was given very little help. I didn't have kids so was better off in that respect. Is it possible for you to get a restraining order against him? If he has already harrassed his ex wife it could make it easier to obtain. It gives you a lot more protection. Having said that it doesn't always stop them. I would continue to pester the police to take this seriously - he is dangerous and it is affecting your health and your kids. If he sends any texts or e-mails save them and submit them to the police as evidence. It must be so difficult for you with the kids as I imagine you can't just go and stay elsewhere but I would try if you can (as far away as possible). It's an awful situation to be in and you must try and get professional support. As hard as it is it is important not to show reactions to him. No matter what horrible messages he sends you must ignore it. I would recommend not even reading them just take them to the police. Men like him thrive of the reaction they get. It makes me so cross that the police aren't making you feel safe angry Thinking of you.

westlondongirl Wed 30-Sep-09 11:41:56

Can you also change you mobile number? Would recommend this and that you only give your new number to family and trusted friends.

itwascertainlyasurprise Wed 30-Sep-09 11:51:44

Message withdrawn

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