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1st Miscarriage. Please tell me i'll be ok because the pain is killing me

(10 Posts)
Nam10 Mon 21-Sep-09 20:37:16

Thought I was 7 wks along with 2nd baby. Started bleeding on Saturday morning. Horrible cramps. Had a private scan that morning......blighted ovum

I have never hurt this bad....anyone going through this? I feel incredibly alone and empty despite loving DH and beautiful 11 month old DS.

Hyena Mon 21-Sep-09 20:51:35

Oh Nam sad. So sorry to read this. I had a m/c (2nd pregnancy) in Sept last year at 10 weeks. My miscarriage was also a blighted ovum found during a private scan.
For days after I felt so numb and alone and, the physical pain was far more than I expected.
Are you taking pain killers? If so, please keep taking them regulary rather than waiting for the cramps to start again before taking them...you really don't need to experience physical pain as well as emotional.
Look after yourself and give your DS lots of cuddles.
It will get easier - it took me a few weeks to feel 'normal' again but I'm now 34 weeks after TTC three months after my m/c.
All the best x

Andrea67 Mon 21-Sep-09 20:58:05

Hi there,

Poor you. Been there... three times.

It will get better. Honest.

I miscarried twice before my son was born. I got pregnant very soon after he came along, but lost it at 9 weeks. It was awful and no one can understand the emptiness unless you've been through it.

My son will be 8 soon. My husband and I divorced, so I never got to have any more babies. That has been very difficult.

I always remember what the lovely doctor said to me as consolation - that I had been very unlucky to miscarry 3 times and that because I had a healthy little boy, I would most likely have more successful pregnancies.

You have your husband and son. I'm sure that you'll be able to have another.

You will feel better. Time heals.

You are certainly not alone.

I think of the children I didn't have as my 3 little angels. They will always be with me.

Lots of love and good luck for the future.

Try and remember that some things are meant to be. x

houmousandcarrotsandwich Mon 21-Sep-09 21:00:51

My heart goes out to you sad

I was in your situation in July last year. I know it hurts emotionally now so much. Things don't make sense, even though you have people around you who care, you feel isolated.
It will take time, but you will get through. Give yourself time to heal.

Nam10 Mon 21-Sep-09 21:26:24

Hummous, Andrea and Hyena, thankyou.
Sometimes when I cry I feel like my heart will break. I dont know if I can even bring myself to think of TTC again.
Sometimes I think...why didnt he/she want me to be his mummy?
I have no pain as I'm taking back to back ibuprofen...and then I thought today, what if I take the whole packet?? I wouldnt but I still had those thoughts......

DuelingFanjo Mon 21-Sep-09 21:31:47

be kind to yourself. You will be able to move on but there will be times when things seem incredibly hard. I found starting TTC again very difficult and I burst into tears when I got my period after the first month I properly tried.

You will get through this, right now it does feel like the worst thing ever. Just wanted to give you migh support and reassure you that you will be ok.

ellaeleven Mon 21-Sep-09 21:32:08

I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried 11 months ago. It was my first miscarriage (have an eight year old dd) and I was kind of in shock and felt exactly like you, alone and empty. My dp and family were very supportive but sometimes I would wait until I was alone to have a good cry. Although it may be so painful right now you are dealing with it in the right way, acknowledging how sad you feel. Allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself and your body. I tried to focus on physically getting well and got some good vitamins and ate well to try and combat the hormones. It may take a while but honestly you will start to feel better soon. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and my baby is due on the day my miscarriage completed last year. Keep your ds close and cherish him. Take care X

Andrea67 Mon 21-Sep-09 21:46:52

I never had thoughts like that.

Although I was hurting like mad inside, I had to pick myself up and get on with things for my baby son.

At the time, I tried to be positive and thought that for what ever reason it wasn't meant to happen. I knew that when the time was right it would happen again.

Nature is a funny thing. Apparently women miscarry and don't even know about it. It's such a common thing. It's just that women like us are excitedly testing to see if we are pregnant that we know that it's miscarriage and not just a very painful period.

Try to focus on the little one that you already have. The next few months are so precious and you'll never have that time back. So enjoy what you have. Time flies.
Don't let him miss out because his Mummy was sad.

After a few weeks you'll feel more focused.

And I promise you, that before long you and your husband will be talking about having another baby and this pain will be lessened as you start to feel excited about trying again.

Andrea xxx

Joy27 Tue 22-Sep-09 14:23:56

Your poor thing. I went through this in July 08. It is horrible and very confusing. I didn't feel sure about ttc for a few months afterwards. Give yourself time to get through this, and talk to people. It really got to me that nobody discusses miscarriage when it is such a horrendous thing to go through.

I'm now 21 weeks pregnant- at times I thought it was never going to happen again (conceived 9 months after mc), but it did and I'm sure it will for you too.

ChoChoSan Tue 22-Sep-09 16:58:47

Hi Nam,

So sorry about your loss...I had 2 m/c this year after ttc for 3 years, and I know how desolate you can feel.

Also, the level of pain was unexpected, but I asked for strong pain killers at EPAU, which helped.

I am 3 months on from my last m/c now and ttc again. I am feeling so much better now - out of that black hole, and the healing nature of time can make me see things so much more clearly, and focus on all of the positive things that say I do have some odds in my favour to get pregnant and one day have a child.

Take this time to grieve, and I am sure the time will come for you to start trying again soon enough.

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