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Tonight I'm laying here thinking and crying a bit about how shit everythings been and wondering how I'm really going to cope with it all

(109 Posts)
dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 21:45:38

Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning, there's so much to think about. Too much really, and I know other people have got it much much harder than me, but does that make my shit any less painful or dificult. I've picked up an email from a family friend tonight, and it in she says 'so sorry to hear about your split from X but you're a strong women and there's people worse off. That's probably not much comfort is it, but it's a good way of thinking about stuff and putting things in to proportion'

Oh well cheers then sad It must be nice to be so fucking comfortable with life.

I've done lists until I end up with lists of lists. But don't seem to be getting anywhere, H stuff, newborn worries, scared about the future with 3 little ones, how we'll cope.

I suppose being hospitalised and having my problems taken seriously has helped a bit. My stress level isn't as high now, but I'm not relaxed at all. Geez I'm just waffling now.

whomovedmychocolate Sun 13-Sep-09 21:50:11

You know, in your situation, I'd be sobbing into my tea and just not coping at all. So hardly surprising you feel a bit overwhelmed

You will be okay, you will get through it. And all you can really do now is wait and work out what you will do this minute and this hour, rather than six months down the track.

Don't think of it as drowning while you are still able to make bubbles in the water.

Deemented Sun 13-Sep-09 21:52:55

Waffle away lovely, waffle away.

<<Squishy hugs>>

AboardtheAxiom Sun 13-Sep-09 21:53:08

Sorry to hear you have been upset tonight dizzymare sad don't know the ins and outs of what support you have but if you haven't already get as much as you can in place. Try not to worry too much about him, save your energy for yourself.

College students doing childcare, homestart, surestart, etc may all be able to help. I would also consider if you can a little help with cleaning when the babies arrive, even if it's just a couple of hours a week.

You know what I think that 'friend' who has emailed you is very insensitive! Is she usually very tough love and lacking in empathy? I ask as I do think you should weigh up which people in your life are helpful and supportive and which ones aren't.

I know it is hard to believe but you will get through this in the end. It will be a tough slog but so worth it and you will get there one day at a time. Take care.

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 21:54:22

Dizzy I know we are not close geographically but Im always here for you to rant and rave at. YOU CAN DO THIS....I know that in a couple of years time you will be on Mumsnet saying 'Why was I so worried about everything.'

Just offering a listening ear and a broad pair of shoulders to cry on xxx

dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 21:55:21

That's just it, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Looking online for stuff is one thing but I don't know what I need, where they'll sleep, what they'll sleep in, do they sleep together or apart. When will I sleep, you know what I think the last weeks maybe just crashing about me at the moment. I'll be alright, I just need to get this out of my system I think.

oooggs Sun 13-Sep-09 22:02:40

Is there a local twins group dizzy They will be able to help you face to face. Though you can ask a host of fantastic multiple mums on here wink

dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 22:04:32

She's a mutual friend, maybe this is her way of not taking sides and not pointing the finger of blame either. Well fuck it, It wasn't me who went off shagging someone else, it wasn't me who had 'meetings' so he had to stay overnight, it wasn't me who wanted to be pregnant it's not like I did it on purpose. Our marriage is well past saving, but that doesn't stop me wishing he was still here, especially now when I'm like this. Phoning friends isn't quite the same really is it? I feel like a total failure

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:06:03

Hiya Ooogs - I had forgotten about the TAMBA groups - google TAMBA Dizzy and find one in your area - you will get proper advice and help from a local group - and you may be able to get some brilliant bargains from the other multiple mums who have finished with cots etc.

sweetkitty Sun 13-Sep-09 22:06:50

dizzymare - haven't got anything practical to say agree with oooggs spend time with the multiple mums they will sort you out re all the practical stuff.

Keep in your mind those two little newborn heads and how happy you will feel once they are born when you have your first cuddles

keep ranting on here too it does help, thinking of you, you will get through this.

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:09:49


Carry on saying stuff like that and I will be having a word with your Dad smile I like the sound of your Dad and he will put you on the naughty step for one minute for every year of your age......DO NOT MAKE ME TELL YOUR DAD grin

PacificDogwood Sun 13-Sep-09 22:14:16

dizzymare, there will always be somebody worse off then you, that just does not count for diddlysquat! I am sure your friend was trying to be helpful, but this is such an unhelpful overused stupid phrase.
You have to deal with your situation and nobody elses and you are (quite understandably) finding it tough. I read your other thread about your recent scare about the wellbeing of you girls and I'd be amazed between those worries and what's going on with your H and you if you weren't upset.
Be upset if you need to be.
Get yourself to local TAMBA group.
Remind yourself that these LOs will soon teach you what they prefer, IME babies are very good at training their carer to conform to their needs/desires wink.
Worry about today, today; and about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I hope you'll get a good nights sleep smile.

Deemented Sun 13-Sep-09 22:16:39

Listen to Shabs, Dizzy. Otherwise you might be on that naughty step for quite a while. Not as long as Shabs would be obviously, but still... grin

Oooggs is right about TAMBA as well - and also keep an ear out for a local NCT nearly new sale - you can get some cracking bargains at them!

Chin up, chuck.

dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 22:17:07

Shabbs you nearly raised a smile there, but really I am. This is the second marriage I've fucked up, although last time there wasn't children involved obviously. Now not only is my life fucked up, but my ds and my girls as well.

I'm just sad for what I've lost tonight and fearful about our future.

It'll be me getting up in the night not us. Whenever ds used to wake up at night, even though I was bf him, H would always get up with me so I had some support. Make a drink and stuff, now the only person he gets up to in the night is his fucking tart. And I'm stuck here with ds and carrying his babies, and where will he be...

oooggs Sun 13-Sep-09 22:20:57

A local group would be great for you ask your midwife as not all are registered with TAMBA. I am currently 'guiding' a lovely lady who is 30 weeks with twins and the mum before that I see weekly and her girls are now 13 mths.

Like shabs said, they may have stuff to get rid of (in duplicate!!!).

4andnotout Sun 13-Sep-09 22:25:09

"And I'm stuck here with ds and carrying his babies, and where will he be..."

Dizzy i used to think that about xp when i was pg with dd1 and he had pissed off and married someone else, but you will be the one that your ds and dd's love and look up to. You will manage and get through it and will have the love and adoration you deserve from your dc's (and hopefully your H's cock will rot and drop off)

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:31:02

Your life is not fucked up! Your life as a strong woman is just beginning - how amazingly fantastic 3 wonderful children are going to be learning from you how to be a strong loving person.

Its great to have a partner or husband to help out - but, in my experience, they are not always brilliant at helping wink

and, as for your cheeky comment Dee - cheeky mare!!! Would only be on there for 52 minutes grin....I dont know, you think folk are your friends and then.....grin

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:32:25

4andnotout - fantastic comment - right up my street grin MALAKER (fantastic Greek swear word)

4andnotout Sun 13-Sep-09 22:35:33


dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 22:37:55

This is why I love MN, you guys seem to all have the right things to say, I just need to try and learn to believe them, but with me still reeling from H and everything after it'll take time. I've never been the most confident person, or articulate, but still you seem to know how to help. There's a whole heap of shit in my head, and it's slowely seeping out.

Thank you

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:40:37

<<digs a big hole>> <<puts a sign on top of it>> <<names it Shit in my head pile>>

Right buggerlugs any shit put it in this hole....I bagsy going first I've loads of crap that needs dumping in it grin

4andnotout Sun 13-Sep-09 22:44:47

Shabba i think i love you, no one else (other than my family) uses the term buggalugs and it is a brilliant term of endearment!

<<slightly stalkerish 4andnotout scuttles away>>

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:46:36

PMSL you buggalugs - the word is sending my spellcheck slightly mental grin Is it a Northern word? I hope it is!!

4andnotout Sun 13-Sep-09 22:48:03

My family are from London so i just assumed it was from there, dd2 raised some eyebrows at preschool when she described dd3 as a buggaslug!

shabbapinkfrog Sun 13-Sep-09 22:51:10

ROFL - I love being a Northerner on Mumsnet....I tend to talk about my whippets and flat cap (I dont have either) and how Im going to the corner shop for a bottle of stout grin

I reckon I could be a sarcastic evil witch wink

I like the word buggaslug even better xx

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