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DP doesnt believe that I am tired etc. Rant needed!

(21 Posts)
laurawantsababy Sun 13-Sep-09 18:58:55

Im 20 weeks pg with dc2. Dd is 15mo. We have recently moved house and still have loads of unpacking to do. I have a very large bump already.

When I was pg with dd I re arranged our whole house about 3 times and never sat down. This time I have been ill until about 16 weeks, am tired nearly all the time and just want to relax. Unpacking is the last thing I want to do.

Dp seems to think Im putting this all on so that I can 'sit on my ass all day'. No matter how much I tell him that this pg is different to the last he doesnt believe me.

Any ideas on what to do? Im worried that if I sort the house out and push myself through the tiredness I am going to make it worse.

dizzymare Sun 13-Sep-09 19:01:08

He sounds an ignorant sod to me, sorry. Strap a bag of spuds to his gut and see how he gets onhmm

disclaimer-I hate men at the mo.

CarGirl Sun 13-Sep-09 19:02:50

I would ask to get your iron levels checked although I was fine in my 1st pregnancy I was hideously exhausted with the last 3. I was always very anaemic by the time they checked my levels.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Sun 13-Sep-09 19:03:22

Tell him to lay off and ask him why he thinks so little of you.

Why on earth would you want to sit on your backside all day if you didn't have to. You want the house sorted out as much as him!

Don't push yourself to please him. Every pg is different and you owe it to yourself to take care.

tribpot Sun 13-Sep-09 19:05:01

If you can function in the house, i.e. people can find clothes, food, telly and beds, then the unpacking can wait. If it bothers him that much, he can do it.

I imagine you're finding masses of time to sit about all day with a 15 mo in the house hmm.

laurawantsababy Sun 13-Sep-09 19:15:14

Thank you! I will speak to my mw about iron.

I would love nothing more then to get this place sorted properly, do the garden and have more fun with dd but it is just not happening.

CarGirl Sun 13-Sep-09 19:16:55

Looking after a mobile baby/toddler is pretty tiring on it's own without being pregnant. So on seconds thoughts tell him he's being an idiot - but still get your iron levels checked.

AngelDog Tue 15-Sep-09 09:05:55

I would defnitely agree with CarGirl about getting your iron levels checked. After a MMC last year, I spent the next 7 months suffering from complete exhaustion and what I can only describe as depression. I would come home from work, cry for an hour or more at a time and be in bed by 8pm. Eventually I went to the GP, had a blood test and found that although I wasn't anaemic, my iron levels were at the low end of the normal range. Within a fortnight of being on the supplements the doctor recommended, I was a different person - no longer crying all the time, and going to bed at a more normal time of night. I was amazed at the difference it made, and really wished I'd got it checked out sooner, as my DH had to spend 7 months with a miserable wife.

Incidentally we were unsuccessfully TTC from straight after the MMC, which was not much fun, but I got pregnant again on my first cycle after I started taking the iron supplements. I don't think that was any co-incidence either. I think your body knows when it's not coping with things and goes into shut-down mode when it's struggling.

dal21 Tue 15-Sep-09 10:30:30

OP -my sympathies. Sorry you are feeling so rotten.

Defo get your iron levels checked asap - get to your GP's if you need to, dont wait until you see your midwife.

I think your DP is being harsh and unfair. Every pregnancy can be totally different and as others have said, having a 15mo is not the easiest either.

However <<and please dont shout me down posters>> as am sharing my experience. I felt totally drained for a period of time in this pregnancy and didnt want to do anything around the house. I thought I was just very tired. After a week or so of this, I thought this isnt just tiredness, it is something else. Even now when I try and put my finger on it, I am unable to.
But I thought, I may start to feel better if I get on with just a little - as sitting around isnt doing me any good and is actually probably getting me into a vicious cycle. Plus DS was totally bored!

So I started (we had the au pairs rooms to get ready plus other misc stuff to get done) and I did only as much as I felt up to doing. For me, it worked! Whatever the brain fog/ emotional block was lifted and my energy increased. Odd I know.

Having said that , my iron levels are fine. Please dont think I dont feel for you - and what I am suggesting mya be unthinkable for you. But wanted to share.

ErikaMaye Tue 15-Sep-09 11:52:27

May I start by saying your DP is being an arse?

Right, now that's out the way...

Speak to your MW or GP about just how tired you are. It might be Iron levels or you might just be very damn tired being pregnant, plus the stress of moving around and looking after a toddler! I have ME/CFS as well as being 31 weeks, so I can give you some advice on pacing if you'd like? I don't want to throw it in your face blush but it has really helped me, mentally and physically. Let me know

alana39 Tue 15-Sep-09 12:01:03

Get him to go out for the night, before having a day off to look after toddler and unpack etc with a stinking hangover. That might help him start to understand. And you don't even have the good night out first.

LadyoftheBathtub Tue 15-Sep-09 12:11:33

Oh I know how you feel. I'm 14 weeks and I haven't been able to just do physical stuff for so long. It's not even exhaustion, it's a total lack of energy in the first place.

However my DP is well aware of this as I fall into bed the minute he gets in from work, he has to do bedtime and the housework. I don't just tell him I'm tired - I fall asleep!

I can relate to you wanting to get stuff done. For myself, I have more energy (slightly) and feel less ill in the mornings so i time errands and jobs for then. Set yourself a target of say one hour, to start with, of unpacking/sorting a day, at the time when your energy levels are highest. But only if you want to and are up to it, not to please DP.

laurawantsababy Tue 15-Sep-09 21:52:29

Well, today I got some Floradix - A pregnancy safe iron drink. I am hoping it starts to help.

DP is an arse! I have just been moaned at for sitting on the internet for too long while he washes up and puts the rubbish out!!

I am thinking from now on I dont do anything round the house ie hoover, clean the kitchen and bathroom and let him do it!

CakeForBreakfast Wed 16-Sep-09 18:45:18

Sympathies, sympathies, sympathies.

Yup, your dp is being an arse, but don't worry, your hormones will put him through hell over the rest of the pg, he'll hardly be getting away with it.

Second pregnancies don't get the princess treatment of the first one do they?!? Sad as I am also finding my second pg (33weeks currently) tougher than the first.

Yes, lay down law, don't try to be a coper, your priorities are you and your unborns well being, dp doesn't have to understand, but he does have to put up with it.

Men. Mine needed fixing too.

kimchiblue Wed 16-Sep-09 19:13:36

I can sympathise with you completely!

I am 14 weeks, still working full time and haven't told my employer yet as I am not showing anything I can't conceal and want to wait until after a big event next week so I don't get sidelined and miss out on the fun.

However because of this my DP seems to think that I am absolutely fine and CANNOT seem to understand why I am exhausted when I come home in the evenings.

For example this evening when I complained about being hungry when I got in he asked if I forgot to have lunch today? Fgs!! Equally if I don't leap out of bed when he gets up ( he leaves the house an hour before me) then I am being lazy.

I have to say I think a lot of it is just deliberate male obtuseness and we must be incredibly easy to wind up at the moment. That said, it doesn't make it any less annoying, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

1mum1 Wed 16-Sep-09 19:17:46

Honestly, I can tell people don't understand when I have a moan about tiredness. My mum hinted at such when she said the other day that she worked until she was 8 months gone. Well she was 19 at that time and I'm 36 so it's not really the same!

laurawantsababy Wed 16-Sep-09 21:10:36

Thanks all smile

I have started taking Floradix - An iron supplement drink. It tastes disgusting but I have to say I feel a bit better. I still had a nap today and think I will for a while!

Dp is still being an arse. If he says 'we need to unpack one box a day' we as in me. I am going to kill him.

GiPi1 Sun 20-Sep-09 20:53:34

laura bless you - leave the unpacking unless there are things in the boxes that you desperately need. Your DP needs to listen to you - easier said than done sometimes - but you need to tell him that you are not super woman and need to preserve your energy for when baby arrives - you have already got a little one to look after and that takes up the majority of our energies anyway.

Can you get your DP to go along to your next antenatal checkup with you and then the Midwife can tell him to lay off and let you rest. He must realise that your body is telling you it needs to rest otherwise you wouldn't be feeling so tired.

If he wants the unpacking doing so desperately let him do it (then if he puts things where you don't want them you can move them when he's not looking !!!

Good luck, you xx

sazlocks Sun 20-Sep-09 21:00:54

another voice here saying rest up if you need to and ignore your DP ! I am just past 22 weeks and was sick for the first 14 and then very, very, very bloody tired. My iron levels are high so I think I had a viral infection combined with general exhaustion brought on by dealing with a 19 month old, part time job, endless household jobs etc. Good luck smile

mummy2t Sun 20-Sep-09 21:10:22

i am 40 weeks 2 moro and i think all men are complete tosser's!!!!!!!!!! i challenge anyone of them to show me different!!!!!!!

mummy2t Sun 20-Sep-09 21:11:19

sorry, rant over grin

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