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How do I get it into DPs head that being pg is not the same as carrying a baby in your arms?

(27 Posts)
LissyGlitter Sat 12-Sep-09 18:09:11

Bless him, he tries to be supportive, but when I say my bump is hurting from standing up too long, he says it is helping to build up my muscles and is good exercise...he also seems to think I am moaning for no reason if I say I am tired, because I am only carrying a tiny baby, and he can carry 2yo DD for ages. I foolishly told him at the beginning of the pregnancy that I had read that you should train for childbirth like training for a marathon, and now he keeps trying to make me walk long distances and says that I should push myself beyond the pain barrier and walk faster and for longer then I can.

I know he is trying to help me be healthy, but my belly and back can be in agony sometimes (so much that I have to stop and do labour breathing and can't talk) and he seems to think I am just being soft!

ShowOfHands Sat 12-Sep-09 18:13:29

Yes, an injury or illness is exactly what you need in preparation for childbirth. Keep it up. Maybe start running. hmm Tell him that it's very, very bad for you to start an exercise routine when pg.

And carrying a 2yo on the outside of your body that you can move around, distribute the weight of, put down etc is exactly the same as having something inside you, pressing on organs, using your vitamins/minerals/oxygen supply, punching and kicking you, stretching your muscles and skin, along with a bag of water, a placenta etc.

3littlefrogs Sat 12-Sep-09 18:18:52

He is an idiot.

I was so ill throughout all my pregnancies I could hardly drag myself around.

I easy, fast deliveries with all of them. Thank goodness.

If DH had told me to execise and build up my muscles there probably would have been a divorce!

Listen to your body, not your dp.

dal21 Sat 12-Sep-09 18:19:48

Show him some webpages/ a book that explains what exactly is happening to your body. Softening of ligaments, more strain on your back muscles...just to start what can be a huge list for us during pregnancy.

Absolutely exercise is good during pregnancy, but only if you have the energy. You should be stopping before you feel exhausted.

Seriously sit him down and make him read some of this stuff. Please.

LissyGlitter Sat 12-Sep-09 18:20:06

Today we were walking around a park and I got out of breath, he told me to carry on as it would increase my lung capacity. I tried to point out that it was the baby squashing my lungs and he said that would only stop if I exercised more...good job I was too out of breath to beat him up!

Tomatefarcie Sat 12-Sep-09 18:20:40

I would exercise and prepare for childbirth by taking up boxing. Yes. Use his balls, and then tell him to push himself beyong the pain barrier.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 12-Sep-09 18:21:07

He is a prat.

You do not have to be ultra fit and pushing yourself to the nth degree is just silly.

3littlefrogs Sat 12-Sep-09 18:21:36

Send him round to me...

dal21 Sat 12-Sep-09 18:22:08

Lissy, how far along are you?

I have DH taking DS out to Rugbytots on sat and swimming on sundays so I get a chance to rest/ cook/ clean/ read - whatever takes my fancy!

Let him take your DD for powerwalks on his own. Stay at home, put your feet up and relax!

LissyGlitter Sat 12-Sep-09 18:24:33

I only have ten weeks to go (possibly less, as DD was a month early and I am already getting plenty of braxton-hicks) so hopefully this won't last for long. Although he better not be expecting me to be down the gym straight after the birth!

I wouldn't care, but he's not exactly the picture of health himself! OK, he does walk quite a lot, but he smokes and drinks, so he can hardly nag me, can he?

dal21 Sat 12-Sep-09 18:28:23

Lissy - you are 30 weeks pregnant. He absolutely has no right to be such an arse. You'll need all the energy for when the baby is here...you need not to be exhausted now! But catching some extra zzzz's as and when you can.

ShowOfHands Sat 12-Sep-09 18:32:39

Lissy I cycled a 16 mile round trip to work every day when pregnant, exercised, ran, walked etc. Was fit. Had a 2 day labour, 6hr second stage, a lot of intervention and an em cs. So yah boo fecking sucks to his theories. He's bullying you. Bad at any time but you're carrying his child. I'm very cross on your behalf.

DiamondHead Sat 12-Sep-09 18:44:16

You're not just carrying a baby, you're it's life support machine.

tribpot Sat 12-Sep-09 18:52:51

Exactly, DiamondHead. And you are not 'just' carrying a baby (has he tried that, btw, 24*7 for 40 weeks?) but also a placenta and a shedlaod of amniotic fluid, all of which is compressing all of your internal organs to hell? How can you increase your lung capacity, most of your abdomen is full up of stuff that isn't usually there!

Your body is using you to incubate your baby. You are not carrying out c. 6 lb of extra mass.

QTPie Sat 12-Sep-09 20:03:18

Bless, he has no idea... wink

Pregnancy is about SO MUCH MORE than weight: a lot of it is hormones and the effects they have (ligament softening) and posture etc.

I am trying to be as active in pregnancy as possible: I go to the gym 3/4 times a week, I do prenatal yoga each week and I try to walk a lot, BUT I am COMPLETELYY SENSIBLE... All that I do (including the gym) is suitable for pregnancy and the advice is "if it feels wrong then STOP".

You should NEVER try to increase fitness during pregnancy - you are looking to maintain it. No wearing yourself out, no over-doing it, no over-heating and definitely no pain barrier.

I think that you need a discussion about this with your MW and with your OH there - get her to say what he is (with all the best intentions) trying to get you to do is stupid: bad for you and probably not good for baby... you need all your energy for developing baby...

QT

Sycamoretreeisvile Sat 12-Sep-09 20:08:57

Have you made him hold your bump? We did this at our NCT class and all the men where like shock

They stand behind you, you sort of lift your bump up a bit and hold the weight of it, then they put their hands underneath and then you just let go grin

My DH said fucking hell.

FaintlyMacabre Sat 12-Sep-09 20:16:04

I went for a country walk with some friends a few months ago. I was carrying DS (18 months, weighing about 24lbs) on my back. My friend was 32 weeks pregnant- her baby probably only weighed about 4lb or so. There was no doubt in my mind that I had a much easier time of it.

Being pregnant is nothing like carrying a baby (or even toddler) in arms. As everyone else has said, you have the placenta and amniotic fluid as well as internal organs in the wrong place. And if you're really lucky you'll have SPD and legs swollen up like tree trunks too. This is no time to be pushing the pain barrier!

Georgimama Sat 12-Sep-09 20:19:51

Your husband sounds like a complete bell end. Sorry not to be more constructive, but I think you should try shouting "you are a bell end!" at him when he next pontificates about the exercise regime you should take up. Perhaps you could also poke him in the stomach and say "how many weeks are you, then, fatso?"

Pushing the pain barrier? FFS.

crokky Sat 12-Sep-09 20:21:49

Does your DH understand that your body is not just carrying the baby, but that the baby is existing from your body?

I would far rather carry at 2 year old than be pregnant! I have a 3yo and a 1yo and actaully, I'd prefer to carry my massive 3yo than be pregnant.

Scorps Sat 12-Sep-09 20:22:16

here Skip the intro, then see.

InMyLittleHead Sun 13-Sep-09 00:34:09

Typical male bullshit - trying to 'beat' something rather than just accepting it and trying to make life easier for yourself.

He may be just trying to help in his cack-handed way but he needs to realise that he is stressing you out which isn't good for you or the baby. I agree with other posters that maybe getting a midwife/other expert to explain to him all the physiological effects of pregnancy. Sometimes people need a 'professional'/'objective' description of something otherwise they just think you're being soft...

bronze Sun 13-Sep-09 00:38:27

@Does he wear a corset while carrying dd?

ravenAK Sun 13-Sep-09 00:59:44

I have never, ever been so exhausted as when pregnant.

Your body has unilaterally decided that your welfare is secondary to that of something capable of growing from 2 cells to 10 pounds in the space of 9 months.

Agree with getting MW to put him straight, although I'd be fairly pissed off by this point & would've probably ripped his balls off.

Then said 'Well, tsk, it can't hurt that much, I haven't got any & I've never felt the need'.

snapple Sun 13-Sep-09 01:16:47

shock is he one of the commuters who does not stand for me, a pregnant exhausted commuter, on london transport.

MumNWLondon Sun 13-Sep-09 10:24:34

When I was 7.5 months pg with DD1 we visited Wales and when we arrived at Mt Snowdon DH said we would be walking up. I said no, we would be getting the train. Annoyingly there was a problem with the trains and so he persuaded me to walk... BTW I am very very fit and had been going to the gym 3 times for big workouts a week right through the pregnancy (had been gym freak before), and had only stopped running at around 6 months. Anyway after about an hour I was exhausted and just sat down and cried that we couldn't walk any further, we walked down and luckily trains back in action when we reached the bottom.

I have never been allowed to forget it and even three years later when we climbed a mountain on holiday with DD aged 3 on his back and DS aged 6 months on mine he still remembers it. From all this, I conclude that the reasons that the Snowdon climb was hard when pregnant even for a very fit person is a) compromised lung function because of bump and b) the way you carry baby on front rather than back and c) all the extra liquids, placenta more like the weight of a 2 year old d) hormones and ligament softening.

He can't replicate it even by carrying your older child strapped to his stomach - and pushing yourself when pregnant is a very bad idea. Tell him he is being totally unreasonable, and what he is suggesting will harm your and the baby - and that the best sort of "exercise" is something non weight bearing like swimming and not walking/running and certainly nothing with a pain barrier.

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