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37 weeks and I am going mental... (long moan alert)(2 Posts)
I don't know where to start really. I am coping - but only just. I keep thinking I can't face the day and I just feel so awful and exhausted. I still feel sick most of the time so I eat like a horse to stave off the nausea. I was Size 18 before I got pregnant so God knows what I'll be afterwards. I've got really bad SPD so I'm in pain all the time and find it really hard to get up and down the stairs etc.
If that wasn't bad enough, my lovely 3 year old son is being investigated for epilepsy (only night time). The consultant has asked us to co-sleep with him so that we can video one of his episodes. So far, we've been unable to do it (the seizure things are very brief) and he's been in our bed for 5 weeks. I've asked my husband to sleep on a mattress to make more room (we can't sleep in DS's bed as it is a toddler bed) but he says he doesn't think he'd be able to sleep on a mattress and I can't as I have my bed all padded up due to SPD. So on top of everything else, no one is sleeping well.
On top of this I'm N.Irish, living in England so we have no support. I had a very abusive childhood and my parents have been totally unsupportive to me in any way. For some reason (and this happened last time I was pregnant too) being pregnant really makes me want to kill my mother for not loving me or protecting me from my father. I keep going over all the old stuff in my head and crying about it. I think it's because you feel so vulnerable when you're heavily pregnant and it hurts that there is no one there to love and support you.
Dh's mother has been fine(bought us a pram) but she is not 'motherly' but quite emotionally distant (to me and her son). Also she lives at the other end of England so can't help out much.
I also feel quite upset that none of my so called friends (apart from one single bloke!) have offered anything in the way of support. I haven't asked anyone outright for help but have told quite a few that I am in pain and hosebound with an active 3 year old. I hoped I'd have had more visitors etc but not many. Looks like people don't like me as much as I'd thought either.
I just feel so awful physically that I don't have the energy to cope with all the things that are upsetting me and I don't feel like anyone cares. All I want to do is sleep and cry. I don't even feel enthusiastic about the baby. My Dh and I usually have a good relationship but he's so tired from work then having to do all the house stuff in the evenings that he's been really grumpy so I can't even talk to him.
Sorry this is such a big moan but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've got a section booked for the 29th so hopefully things will improve then.
Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. It is hard at the end of pregnancy as mental focus does tend to turn towards family matters and hormones are so up in the air that we can be over sensitive about things.
Add to that the sleep deprivation and it's a wonder we make it through the day sometimes.
I do understand. I am 32 weeks and also suffering from spd. I rarely make it through the night sleeping and find it wears me down over time. I feel low on energy and feel as though nobody cares, even though I've told them what causes pain etc.
Try and hang on in there, you WILL feel so much better once the 29th comes and you have your new baby, and the hormones settle a little. You still won't get any sleep but you might get more offers of help
You're not alone.
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