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Pregnant with DC3 and wish I wasn't..(26 Posts)
I'm not sure if I'm looking for a pep talk or a verbal slap but I need to tell someone that I really wish I wasn't pregnant again. I'm going around in RL pretending to be surprized but delighted because I know I'll have this baby and I want them to have the best possible start but I feel completely overwealmed and sick with worry about money. I've two DCs now who are 3 and almost 1. DH and I only have a small house and he worked 95hrs overtime last month just to help us keep up with our bills. When the interest rates go back up things will be worse, or if the overtime stopped being available we'd be stuffed. I am finding it hard to sleep for worrying. Any advice?
If it wasn't for the money would you feel differently? Is the propsect of having 3 under 5s scary when you DH is working so much?
Well firstly congrats on #3 as it sounds not a bit at all like this is an "unwanted" baby but one just along at not quite the right time
I too am in a similar situation to you. Already have 3 ds who will be 8, 6 and 1 in Oct and also a dd just turned 2. I am curently 29wks with #5, total shock and still not quite got my head around it tbh.
I lay awake endlessly worrying about our finances. Dp in same boat as yours, I won't see him for most of this month as there is OT available for this month only so we need to grab every penny. I actually sat and worked out our money situation today and realised that there is no way we can cover basic bills if he does no overtime so I have no idea what will happen as of next month
But having said all that, we will all manage because we have to. It is worrying and nothing will stop that but all you can do is try to look at the positives here. Your DC's are going to have a wonderful close relationship with new DC which will be so lovely to see. Your eldest will probably be really interested in your pregnancy too which will be really nice
Sorry I don't have anything more useful to say
Good luck with everything though x x
Thanks wobblypig and easyeggs. I had thought I'd love 3 children so in some ways I'm lucky. The money is the real worry. It does help knowing there are other real people out there in the same boat. All my NCT friends are loaded and I don;t know anyone else with children yet. Congrats easyeggs with #5.
With the additional epxense are you concerned about the short term e.g. cost of nappies etc and/or the longer term?
I presume that with 2 chidlren already you have many of the baby things already ?
Well there are plenty of us out there who most definately aren't loaded!! Where abouts are you based, I'm sure there are some other lovely M'Netters nearby, maybe could meet up for a gossip coffee??
Sorry to hear the practicalities are dragging you down. Have 3 close in age is lovely btw even though it is hard work.
why are you struggling financially because his wage is so low or your mortgage so high, or a bit of both? You may start getting enhanced tax credits one you have 3 dc? Are you perhaps entitled to the sure start maternity grant of £500?
Yes luckily we do have lots of baby stuff. We even have cloth nappies from my enthusiasm to do evrerything right the first time. I gave up on them but they're there if we need them. The main things I'd change if we won the lottery are a) to get a bigger house, (we have a two bed terrace which feels like it's bursting already, b) have hubby home a bit more at least in the early days.
easyeggs - I'm berks - you?
cargirl - luckily mortgage is pretty low really compared to lots of people's. I never really thought of DH's income as low before. Things were ticking along nicely until I stopped work. I was hoping to train as a childminder now so that I could be home with my little ones and help out financially but that'll have to wait now.
Well dig your cloth out and start practising!!! Have a major declutter it does make a huge difference. We have a very small 3 bed terrace and 4 dc and the key is declutter declutter declutter. Make the most of loft storage space etc. Any toys they aren't interested in sell sell sell!!!
Tax credits will almost certainly go up even just a little bit (if you get them?), you will get the £190 Health In Pregnancy grant now as it's for everyone regardless of income and also you will get Child Benefit for new bubba. Every penny helps and all that
Will your dp not get any paternity pay/time off at all? My dp has saved a weeks holiday as he gets paid more for that than the measly token they offer for paternity leave, grrrr. Is that a possibility for you at all?
Have to agree with Cargirl on the decluttering front! Sometimes I only have to look around this place at the mess and clutter and I feel depressed. Then I get rid of a couple of sacks of old clothes and toys etc and suddenly everything is just that little bit better Oh and if you sell them then that's even better!
I'm in Kent so prob quite a way from you
I am quite good at decluttering and have been thinking of braving a car boot sale to sell stuff. I was waiting for hubby to be off work so we could do it together but I should just get on with it. It'd def make me feel better to do something.
Yes to car boot sale, it makes you feel so much better to get rid of "stuff" that you just don't need.
Be really ruthless and become minimalist.
If you can get some money together think about making/buying some storage that makes the most of the height in your rooms. Ask on freecycle too.
You will be fine and when the baby comes, sort out some contraception.
Congratulations firstly, it will be more to love and I bet the dcs will be thrilled!
Everyone's said really practical things but I wondered why will you have to stop training to be a CM?
Re lack of space, will eventually the 3 share? A gf lives in HK and space is at a premium. His children have a triple bunk - would that work for you? Or a loft style bed with two beds underneath?
about the contraception. I know! I used to be soooo sensible about all that sort of thing. Given the number of night shifts my hubby works this really is a miracle tho. When I'm in a rare good mood I do think it must be fate!
I'd carry on setting up as a CM etc provided all the courses etc will be valid until 6 months after the baby is due.
Heated. Thanks for the groovy sleeping ideas. Intially baby will be in with hubby and i but longer term either 3 kids in tog or hubby and i give up our room and move to sofa bed, or we win the lottery.
The reason I was stopping with the cm thing was becasue I think you can only have three under fives and I didn't think I had enough older kid toys etc to entertain older ones but I guess I could hink about it some more.
WE had three in a 2 bed for a year. It was ok - baby in with us then we were able to move but my plan B would have been to move soembody downstairs into our front room - which we used as dumping zone and study, doing all the living in the back room. I know somebody who did the sofa bed thing and as long as you get a good one it's ok. Easy to watch tv in bed
sorry about wierd typing. Am now sat in dark holding DC2s hand thro cot bars. He sleeps really badly at the mo.
We had 3 sharing for a few years they did have the largest bedroom though, one set of bunks and the other in the cot.
DC2 blissfully asleep. I think I'll do a few last jobs and follow suit. Thank you all again. It's been a big relief to say how I feel and to hear other people say this is possible. I've been trying to tell myself the same but reading your messages has worked much better.
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