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can someone sit with me a while? I'm feeling very teary and shaky.

(64 Posts)
oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:08:31

I'm in pieces for no real reason. I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Scan tomorrow but with two miscarriages, I'm really terrified something will go wrong,. and work is being really unsopportive and I have no way out.I'm feeling sick all the time, and exhausted. And I asked in laws to watch ds for for an hour tomorrow afternoon so dh can come to scan with me and they said no, so now I'm going to have to go on my own, and I just feel very alone, and not sure how I'm going to cope.

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 03-Sep-09 22:10:26

Oh no! How mean of your in laws.

I know how you're feeling. I remember going for my neuchal fold scan with DS2, after a miscarriage, and I was kept waiting for over and hour. The first I learnt about my miscarriage had been in the same hospital, going for the same scan only a few months earlier, so I was beside myself with nerves.

How far did you get with your two earlier pregnancies?

MmeLindt Thu 03-Sep-09 22:10:54

How unsupportive of your IL, I am rather angry with them on your behalf.

I know the feeling, I had 2 miscarriages before going on to have DD and DS. The fear before the 12 week scan was horrible.

Crossing fingers for you.

ZippysMum Thu 03-Sep-09 22:11:54

Hey oranges. Sorry you're having a hard time.

It's awful waiting for scans if something has gone wrong in the past.

Bad luck about going without Dh too - have you got a friend who could watch DS?

tigerbear Thu 03-Sep-09 22:14:27

Hi Oranges, nothing too much to add I'm afraid, but just wanted to say I hope it goes well tomorrow. Hugs.

McDreamy Thu 03-Sep-09 22:14:34

Aw Oranges, so sorry you're feeling like this. sad Is there anyone else you could ask to watch your DS tomorrow? A friend maybe? What time is your scan?

oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:16:06

The two miscarriages were both early - around 8 weeks, but still makes me jumpy. IN law situation is a bit unusual. They are normally great, but my mil is away and I had to ask fil - I just began by saying - can i ask, as a massive favour, if you can come help me tomorrow afternoon, and he just said no way followed by a long not very strong excuse.

I'm hurt because, unexpectedly, I ended up with my sil (their daughter) helping her give birth a few weeks ago as all planned birth partners were away. I just dropped everything and went straight to the hospital when she called, and I feel sad they won't do the same for me.

It's the same at work - they ask "what can we do to help" and each suggestion I make (and they are perefectly reasonable ones) is met with - well here are the reasons we are not going to do that.

amarantha Thu 03-Sep-09 22:16:58

Try not to worry about the scan, take a book and mp3 player with you to keep yourself calm and see if a friend could go or babysit for you. Most of all good luck

oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:18:02

Scan's at 2. All my friends and neighbours are working or busy. We even tried to put him nursery for an extra session, but they are full. I was thinking of taking him along too, but don't know if its too confusing for him and distracting for me - its a neuchal scan too and I want to be able to concentrate and ask questions

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 03-Sep-09 22:20:45

Where are you? Are there any MNetters who are local to you, do you think?

ZippysMum Thu 03-Sep-09 22:24:49

Could you take DS and DH to the hospital?- here they don't like you taking children into the scan room, but at least DH would be right outside and could wait with you.

And don't feel like you have 'no good reason' - it's so hard when you know what can go wrong. Get a big hug and some choccy from DH.

oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:25:11

North London. I'm sure there are mumsnetters around but its much too big an ask at much too short notice.

crokky Thu 03-Sep-09 22:27:44

would it be possible for your DH and DS to come to the scan and remain in teh waiting room? So that then, they are with you for the journey and the wait? How old is your DS? Is he of an age to be bribed to sit still with a load of chocolate or perhaps a new toy? See how DS's mood is when you are called for your scan?

It is a good sign that you feel sick and tired so try and think of that positively.

McDreamy Thu 03-Sep-09 22:27:54

FWIW I took DD to my 20 week scan as she had an appointment in the same hospital 30 mins prior to mine so I didn't have time to take her anywhere else. Is that an option?

oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:30:30

He's three, but is very well behaved - he will sit with a book or a toy if asked to. I had a fear that his presence would annoy the sonographer - i think there;s only a point of him and dh coming if there is a chance they can come in to see the scan.

mazzystartled Thu 03-Sep-09 22:31:11

I would take ds to the scan armed with bribes comics and sweets

I totally understand why you'd prefer not to, but in the circs I would want DP there.

hope all goes well tomorrow

mazzystartled Thu 03-Sep-09 22:32:08

fwiw we took ds in to my scans with dd, it was not a problem

danthe4th Thu 03-Sep-09 22:41:28

Take ds and dh with you it will be fine, this time tommorrow night you will be wondering why you got yourself so worked up. Have you had a nuchal scan before? They are really exciting, write down any questions you want to ask now, so dh can remind you what to ask. I've also had a miscarriage but put that out of your mind,you have been feeling sick and now at 12 weeks you should be fine.Its the nerves making you feel like this and i'm not surprized.Good luck, let us know how it goes and one of the questions should be 'is there 2 in there???'

YesImSinister Thu 03-Sep-09 22:42:57

I took my DD into my nuchal scan (she was 2.5 at the time). I would say take DS with you. If he gets bored or plays up, DH can take him out of the room. But hopefully he won't. (Give him a colouring book or similar).

Good luck.

sweetkitty Thu 03-Sep-09 22:46:20

Sorry you are feeling the way you do, been there myself too and know how you are feeling, I had to go to a 8 week scan myself too as we had no babysitters and the sheer relief when you find out everything is fine is fantastic, lovely feeling.

Have also take other DC with me and DP before too, sometimes it cannot be helped, you need your DH with you for support, loads of sweets and a new magazine for DS he will be fine.

Best of luck will check up on you tomorrow

oranges Thu 03-Sep-09 22:49:43

Thank you so much. It feels really good to let it all out. I think I will take ds unless he seems too fractious - new magazines and sweets excellent idea for both of us, I think.

sydneysuze Thu 03-Sep-09 23:06:26

Hi Oranges

Scans after miscarriages are always difficult to face - I think the worst is the build up and the first few seconds before the sonographer says reassuring things about the baby moving or the heartbeat and you can breathe again. How about you take DH and DS with you, and maybe they can be in the waiting room while you begin the scan? Then, once everything looks OK, the sonographer can invite them into the room to see too.

I've had 2 early miscarriages myself and a late one too - try and remember that this is a completely different pregnancy, with as much chance of making it healthily to term as any other. I'll be thinking of you at 2pm tomorrow smile

mrsboogie Fri 04-Sep-09 00:36:33

I second that you should take him in. They must get loads of people who have to bring young kids along to scans. If he plays up your DH could take him outside, if he doesn't there's no problem.

MmeLindt Fri 04-Sep-09 06:33:33

Good luck today, Oranges.

Fwiw, when I had DS I had noone around so had to take DD to all the scans, even the very early vaginal ones. It did not phase her. She likes the later ones when she could see her little brother.

CheerfulYank Fri 04-Sep-09 06:37:00

Good luck, honey! If I were rich I'd hop a plane 'cross the pond and hold your hand. Um...that may have sounded weird. I just always feel the need to support other women.

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