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To those who found out the sex of their baby...

(59 Posts)
BarbieLovesKen Thu 27-Aug-09 13:39:53

I'm 18 + 5 on baby number 2.

I didnt find out with dd as the particular consultant I was with at the time doesnt tell people (think he got it wrong a few years back and has a policy or something..) so I didnt even give it any thought but my current consultant will tell and its driving me mad for months!!.

Initially we were definately, definately going to find out.

Then DHs brother's partner had a little boy a few weeks ago and the whole announcement of "its a boy!!" and excitment surrounding it really put me off. I began to think - if I find out will I regret not having this??.

On top of that, anyone who I told we would probably find out were shocked and were/ are all putting twopence in that we'll be sorry/ will ruin suprise.. blah blah... I dont particulary tend to care what people think but have to admit the negativity sort of put a dampner on it. Also, both grannys said they didnt want to know.

I have NO patience, am DYING to know who this little person moving around in me is, and thought it would help prepare dd whos 3.8 better if she knew she was getting a brother or a sister - I'm back to definately finding out again.. Im so indecisive.. just terrified I'll be sorry then...

Any experiences?

Sorry for rambling...

KembleTwins Thu 27-Aug-09 13:44:33

I found out at the earliest possible opportunity. Had identical twins, so I was having scans every fortnight anyway, and I am FAR too impatient to go through all those scans and not find out. So I asked at about 18 weeks and was told - two girls. It was lovely to find out then - just as lovely, I would imagine, as finding out just as they are born.

I think it's entirely your decision. People said things like "yes, well, I suppose with twins it's sensible to find out" and "well, it will make it easier to think of names" but the simple truth is - I was excited, I am impatient. I wanted to know. SO I found out.

Given that we were having so many scans, though, it made it easier for the sonographers - they did ask every scan if I knew already, so they didn't have to avoid saying "he" or "she" when discussing the scan with me. That's irrelevent for you though since you're not having two...

Your choice. Ignore everyone else.

ErikaMaye Thu 27-Aug-09 13:44:42

Everyone kept telling me I should leave it, and find out at the birth - something about it being a suprise, which I couldn't quite fathom, as it was a baby either way wink

We found out, and I'm so glad we did. It made it that bit more real, and has helped us feel more prepared. Also helps on the clothes front, as you can buy colours instead of just sticking to plains!

If you want to find out - find out. Congratulations

muggglewump Thu 27-Aug-09 13:44:54

I found out with DD (my only child), because I'm impatient!
I wanted a girl, and I just wanted to know. I had names for either sex and wanted to know if I was carrying Niamh or Tristan.

My Mum said not to find out, but she was with me at the scan (exdp was working away), and I'm glad I ignored her as she died exactly a month before DD was born and it means the presents she bought were for Niamh, as opposed to the baby if that makes sense?

It made no difference to me telling people that she was here rather than the baby was here and was a girl/boy and was called X. We just told people that Niamh was here and what she weighed.

She'll be 8 tomorrow and I have no regrets about finding out.

EyeballsintheSky Thu 27-Aug-09 13:45:06

However many hours of labour will be enough of a surprise We found out and didn't regret it for a second. Everyone else could feck off with their opinions. Really, I don't get this surprise thing. You're about to have the most amazing change to your life and things will be manic afterwards; the gender was the least of my worries. I thought it was far better to have that surprise at 20 weeks when you're plodding through and getting heavier and more tired. Then it's exciting. There's too much else going on at the birth to get value out of the surprise.

cyteen Thu 27-Aug-09 13:48:15

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I always knew I wanted to find out as like you I am really impatient. I do totally understand why those who choose not to say the excitement of finding out at the birth is like nothing else. But when I thought about the birth, I decided by then I'd probably have had enough excitement to last me a while grin I wanted to start to imagine meeting my son or daughter, think about who they were, wonder about names (we had loads of girls' names but no boys' - guess what we ended up having?)

Anyway, we did find out and I've never regretted it. It was SO EXCITING, being told we were having a boy, walking back from the scan already buzzing from trying to take in that we were having a son, thinking about names, wondering what he'd look like. And then at the birth, true to my expectations, I was just happy to meet my boy - it felt like a calm conclusion to what had been quite a mental affair.

We had another reason, which was that my brother had died the year before and I wanted to let my dad know if there was going to be a boy baby in the family, in case he found it a bit hard going.

BarbieLovesKen Thu 27-Aug-09 13:53:07

Thank you all so much for replies. Yes, feel loads better about decision now.

Its just I am ridiculously indecisive and over analyse things to a stupid extent - cant just make damn decision!!.

Am positive I will find out now, think I let others put me off too much, dont know why. I am way too impatient to wait and think I would feel even more connected to baby knowing, if that makes any sense.

Thanks all, really helped.

ErikaMaye Thu 27-Aug-09 13:55:13

Make sure you come back and tell us, won't you?

BarbieLovesKen Thu 27-Aug-09 13:57:41

Of course I will smile - unfortunately have another 5 weeks to wait until next scan!!

katster37 Thu 27-Aug-09 14:00:43

We found out at 13 weeks (had to have an extra scan) but haven't told anyone. Like it being mine and DH's little secret, although it is hard to say 'it' all the time in front of people! That way, friends/family will get their 'surprise' at the birth, but we have prepared ourselves/bought things etc. I really like it that we have our own little secret at the minute, feels really special!

neolara Thu 27-Aug-09 14:03:38

We were unsure with dc2 and tossed a coin on the morning of the scan. The coin said not to find out, so we didn't. And it was the right decison for us. I think that whatever the coin had said would have confirmed what we really wanted to do. If it had come up as not finding out, I think it would have felt wrong.

With this pregnancy, I didn't find out officially, but I looked during the scan and have a pretty good idea. It was very exciting at the time, but afterwards I was really disappointed that I "knew" and I wished that I hadn't looked. Not rational, but that's how I felt. You just have to do what feels right for you.

BarbieLovesKen Thu 27-Aug-09 14:05:00

I was thinking of doing that too katster - particulary when bought grandmothers have stated they dont like the idea of it/ dont want to know.

I wonder if Ill be able to hold it in though ... wink

StayFrostysSister Thu 27-Aug-09 14:06:00

I had to find out with both of mine. I am 36 wks pg with a boy, and dd is 2.6 yo. It is sooooo cute when she lifts my t shirt up and says 'I can see my brother'. grin Do what you like, it's your pregnancy and no one else's.

katster37 Thu 27-Aug-09 14:07:22

Barbie I was sure I wouldn't be able to hold it in, but once you have initially said 'no we didn't find out', people don't ask anymore and it sort of goes away! If I accidentally say 'he', I just make sure next I say 'she' but since people think we don't know I don't think they think much of it. Also, just say 'oh, I don't like the idea of saying 'it' so I say one or the other'. Good luck! And update with what you choose to do! wink

Tobermory Thu 27-Aug-09 14:07:51

I am very imaptient, rubbish when it comes to not peeking at Xmas pressies for example. So given the choice there was no way I coudn't find out when asked. We had decided not to initially, then mid-scan 'last chance' says DH at which point I had to know! We found out at 20 weeks but like Katster didn't tell anyone. When people asked we just said we werent finding out and kept it our own little secret which did indeed make it very special. A small white lie but worth it!

wheredidiputmyfone Thu 27-Aug-09 14:10:50

We were glad we found out with DD1 who's now eight, and I'm 21 wks and will hopefully find out what we're having this time round at a scan tomorrow.

I think kaster37 hits the nail on the head, it's changing the 'it' into a 'he/she', changing a baby in to a real person. I've had people telling me not to find out as it'll ruin the surprise, but I'm not waiting to open presents at Christmas, I'm bonding with our baby and anything that'll help me visualise them is brilliant.

Hope the time passes quickly for yer grin

francagoestohollywood Thu 27-Aug-09 14:20:56

Seeing your baby for the first time is always a surprise, even if you already know baby's sex.
Go ahead if you want to know, it's lovely to know just as much as it is not knowing.

lilysam Thu 27-Aug-09 14:26:31

Didn't ask with DD1 as dh din't want to know, DS 'flashed' us at one of many scans but i was pleased as i wanted to know. Not sure what we will do with the next one (have 13 weeks to decide) but no-one will believe us anyway. With DS we said we don't know incase it spoiled other peoples 'surprises' and i knew i'd not remember who i'd told and who i hadn't.

Each to their own, it's your baby, and as long as they are ok, then other people should let you do what you choose. Even if you find out it's still wonderful surprise finally meeting them and seeing what they look like etc..

magbags Thu 27-Aug-09 15:07:34

We didn't find out first time and did have a lovely surprise (dd). We have found out this time but haven't told anyone, decided we would keep it to ourselves until the birth. I am SO glad to know this time as I'm so much more organised! Good luck.

Tidey Thu 27-Aug-09 15:18:36

DS - Wanted to know but hospital wouldn't tell us, so surprise on the day.

DD - Paid for scan to find out.

So I have experienced both, and much preferred knowing the sex in advance. I've always hated having to wait to find things out. Ignore people using that Xmas present analogy. If you want to know, you find out. Whether or not you then tell anyone else is another matter. Some people get all funny about it for some reason.

AtheneNoctua Thu 27-Aug-09 15:24:50

I would find out. I found out with both of mine. Didn't regret it at all. In fact I would be quite happy if there was a window on the pregnancy test to give the gender.

lilysam Thu 27-Aug-09 15:30:08

Fab idea Anthene about the pg test, they'd make a fortune grin

crokky Thu 27-Aug-09 15:30:51

You want to know and you want your DD to know so you should find out IMO! It's your decision, not the grandparents/extended family's decision. You have the right to find out/not find out as you choose - there is no right answer, it's just your personal choice. Your preference to find out is clear.

I found out with both mine because I wanted to and DH wanted to. I was accused of ruining "the last of life's mysteries hmm". I just discarded the comment (from my dad!) and got on with it. I think that anyone who tries to change your already made up mind on this is a bit silly and selfish.

I respect the decision of people who choose not to find out, that's fine, it's their decision. I would never say anything to encourage them to find out if they didn't want to.

cyteen Thu 27-Aug-09 15:37:06

Funny, I would class what happens after we die as the last of life's mysteries, but there we go. Unless your scan revealed that too.

SoupDragon Thu 27-Aug-09 15:40:10

I found out and simply didn't tell anyone, thus still got to say "It's a girl!" when she was born.

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