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Please talk me through whether to continue with this pregnancy

(24 Posts)
DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 08:28:02

Just need a sounding board really, sorry to anyone if it comes across as insensitive..

After 1 night of an alcohol induced slip up, I got a positve pg test yesterday, already have 2 dc, the last pg was very hard, birth even harder(17 hr labour, DC2 back to back and got stuck, nearly had to have a c section etc), did it all on my own as the father left me, dc2 is nearly 2, met a lovely man over a year ago, but I have got 2 years left of my college course, I already put in on hold while I had DC2, I got carpal tunnel last time so it will probably come on earlier this time so I doubt i'd even be able to do my exams as I wouldn't be able to write, OH and I do not live together altough planned to within a couple of years. I don't think I would cope, I'm so tired now with a toddler, have little family support, DB and wife are due to have their first in Dec and I really don't want to take there limelight. So many reasons not to continue but feel immense guilt at contemplating terminating for selfish reasons. Haven't told OH yet as he is away for the weekend.

Thoughts please?

NoGoodNicknamesLeft Sat 22-Aug-09 08:34:02

I think you already know what you want to do. Talk to OH when he gets back and figure it out together. Good luck.

barbie1 Sat 22-Aug-09 08:36:27

good luck whatever you decide. However your post seemed to concentrate on all the negatives, can you think of any positives in all this? if not then you might already have your answer.

DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 08:37:45

um, no, not really any positves tbh

barbie1 Sat 22-Aug-09 08:39:48

sad sorry drunkenmistake this cant be easy for you

DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 08:47:06

thanks Barbie, I suppose I'll have to wait and see what OH says, but I'm pretty sure he'll try to sway me to keep it which is why I need to try and sort out things myself before he finds out.

barbie1 Sat 22-Aug-09 08:49:41

remember though however clear in your own mind you might be as soon as he finds out he will try to give you all the positives you are missing! how far on are you?

DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 08:51:36

ha I know, thats what I'm worried about, he may end up convincing me and I don't want to end up resenting anyone. I think I'm 4 weeks, conception 2 weeks ago? My head is fuzzy and can't work it out properly, not slept grr.

Miia Sat 22-Aug-09 08:53:02

I can see why you are not feeling thrilled about this pregnancy - I am guessing you are currently feeling totally alone. Clearly you need to speak to your other half, at least then you can decide together what you want to do but do not go through with the pregnancy just because he wants - it is after all you going through the pregnancy/birth etc - but he may be very supportive and make you see it in a different light, who knows.

Not sure if this was helpful but I guess these things never really are.

barbie1 Sat 22-Aug-09 09:03:38

ok the best thing to do is try to get some rest, everything seems 10 times worse when you are tired...can anyone look after you dc while you catch up on some much needed sleep. Also remember you dont have to rush into any thing at 4 weeks you still have a few weeks to go before any decisions have to be acted upon. Maybe the sudden influx of all the extra hormones arent helping you, things might seem a little better in a few weeks, and who knows if dp is going to move in and support you things might just be easier this time...
Good luck x

DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 09:08:39

Thanks Miia and Barbie, I'm meant to be out for my birthday tonight so have a babysitter, may just have a couple of hours out then sneak home to go to bed, hopefully will sleep. Thought things would seem clearer this morning but no such luck. Thanks.

barbie1 Sat 22-Aug-09 09:10:35

happy birthday smile hope you manage to enjoy yourself today x

DrunkenMistake Sat 22-Aug-09 09:16:18

thank you

DrunkenMistake Tue 25-Aug-09 09:40:08

Well, OH guessed when I said we needed to talk when he got home when I spoke to him oon tghe phone on Sat night, he got back Sun night and didn't really say a lot, was just very upset but agreed its not a good time atm and we can have a planned pg in a couple of years.

Went to see GP yesterday who is going to refer me for a termination probably sometime next week, I am meant to be away for a suprise birthday trip 2 nights from Thur so the GP said to enjoy myself and get drunkhmm

I keep waking up feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness, hope that will go away in time

Dalrymps Wed 26-Aug-09 13:58:09

Oh DM, i've got to pop out to the docs soon so can't post a long post but couldn't go without saying anything.
Will be back later to post in more detail.

I for one will not judge you and cetainly don't 'hate' you. Any of us could end up in this situation.

Luckily I have never been put in the situation where I have to make this decision. I cannot say how you will feel either way as everyone is different and I have no experience of it. I just want you to know i'm here if you wanna chat. You can email me (remind me if you need my email add).

It sounds lke you're pretty sure what would be best for you and your family right now. Just make sure that if you go through with it dp gives you plenty of support and you don't shoulder the burden of this all yourself. So sorry you're having to go through this (((hugs)))

Back later...

strawberrylace Wed 26-Aug-09 14:13:57

Sorry that you are having to go through this. But at least you've spoken to your OH and you are both agreed on a way forward - together. Hope that you get everything resolved in your head, and get some rest. It can't be easy but know you will be strong and will get there xx

NewbeeMummy Wed 26-Aug-09 15:01:19

Sorry to hear about your situation, it's not an easy one to be in.

Just one thing if you go through with the termination, take up the offer of counselling. You may feel like you've done the right thing at the time, and don't need it, but mine haunted me for years, even though I knew there was no other option.

If you need anyone to talk to feel free to ask for my email.

FloriaTosca Wed 26-Aug-09 15:37:26

Just seen this DM....((((hugs)))))
I'm so, so sorry that this is the wrong time for you both. It is such a difficult decision for you both to take. I'm sure Dp will help you through, as will those of us that know you and what you have been through here on MN...
...and as for judging you...there but for the grace... and all that.
So, so sorry for you and Dp (((more hugs for you both))))

DrunkenMistake Wed 26-Aug-09 21:17:08

Thanks so much everyone

Newbee-thank you, I shall bear that in mind if they offer

Am going to try and put it out of my mind while we are away, just hope that DP hasn't planned any wild drinking sessions or theme parks as that would just feel wrong, it doesn't help that I've got all the pg symptoms, feel tired and am spilling out of my brahmm but will try to ignore them. Thank you once again for being supportive

Dalrymps Wed 26-Aug-09 21:27:25

Have a nice break away and just try to relax and chill out DM. We'll be here if you need to chat when you get back ((hugs))

DrunkenMistake Wed 26-Aug-09 21:29:19

Thank you x

madmissy Wed 26-Aug-09 21:34:35

hard choice for anyone to make. i hope it goes as well as can be. good luck with the future smile and try and enjoy your weekend away! (easier said than done)

DM - so sorry for you - big hugs. It can't be easy for you - at least dp is giving you support and is thinking the same thing as you. Hope you enjoy your break as best you can - you know we're all here for you.

alicet Thu 27-Aug-09 22:30:36

DM! So so sorry to hear you are going through this and just wanted to add my support. Must be a terribly hard situation to be in and a really difficult decision for you to make. At least OH is being supportive.

Sending you big hugs and also the offer to chat (email / text / phone / whatever) if you need it xxx

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