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I've just done a pregnancy test and it's head's in bits. Would love advice/experiences from others who didn't plan to have any more.

(14 Posts)
kidcreoleandthecoconuts Thu 20-Aug-09 14:52:09

Well the title says it all really. I have 2 DC's aged 3 and 18 months and thought that I probably wouldn't have any more children and if I did not for another couple of years until DD starts school. Anyway I've been feeling strange for a couple of days, panicky and anxious with butterflies in my stomach. This morning i realised I was a bit late with my period and so bought a test not thinking it would be positive. And it was....
I'm in shock. I've phoned DP and told him. He seems happy and has told me it'll be fine, we'll cope etc. The thing is......

during my last pregnancy i had awful depression which wasn't diagnosed until DD was 7 months and I had a breakdown. I'm still on anti depressants now and have been told I'll always be on them. My relationship suffered so much during my last pregnancy that we almost split up on a number of occasions. We've just started to get back to how it was before and now i feel like I'm back at square one being pregnant again.
I just feel like I'm getting my life back, I was just about to start job hunting again.

It's not just my mental state either i'm worried about. I'm not sure i have it me to look after 3 small children. Financially we just make ends meet but another child would be a strain.
Please give me some advice people. has anyone else had an unplanned pregnancy after already having children? How did you cope?

RFCMummy Thu 20-Aug-09 15:12:52


Just want to sympathise. I am 32 weeks with DC3, have 3.5 dd and 2 yr dd and it was very unplanned and had to put our wedding back 6 months to accomodate!!

Still getting my head round it but sure it will be fine and am thinking better to have them all in one hit and get the baby / toddler stage over and done with!!

good luck to you x

Scorps Thu 20-Aug-09 15:18:00

You can take anti-ds through pg, don't worry

I havent had a suprise baby, but i am pg with my fourth, and you will cope. Babies are cheap especially if oyu have clothes from the others (also Ebay). Your DP sounds lovely and supportive.

Maybe talk to someone at your childrens centre re support, a homestart person? There is no shame in it also they may have a benefits person you could see, to help you plan out money for a new baby, or to budget for it?

gypsymoon Thu 20-Aug-09 15:18:15

I'm going through more or less the same thing, so I really do sympathise....

Can't really offer any advice really, only support and a 'virtual hug'.

You asked a lot of questions that I'd be very interested to hear an answer to...

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Thu 20-Aug-09 15:31:02

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm still in shock tbh. I feel all panicky and my hearts racing....I sound like a real hypochondriac don't I? I still feel like my DD is a baby as she is slightly delayed and now I'm going to have another one.
I'm also bothered by what people will say when I tell them. They'll be thinking, " She couldn't even cope with the ones that she's got" And I'm sure they'll think I'm being irresponsible getting pregnant again when I'm only just getting over my depression.

Scorps Thu 20-Aug-09 15:33:48

Who cares what they think? You live your life, not them.

Everyone gets the panic, planned or not. My ds1 is dyspraxic; I'm still suprised i had anymore as he was so hard as a baby.

skihorse Thu 20-Aug-09 15:43:22

It sounds to me as though one of the major reasons you suffered during your last pregnancy was the undiagnosed depression - well, that has now been diagnosed and of course you, your hubby and your doctor will be on the look-out for any signs - so that's one less worry.

drosophila Thu 20-Aug-09 15:48:56

Well I took to my bed for 3 days feeling sick as a parrot from stress. I thought about not keeping it but simply couldn't do that. I had 2 older kids and thought that was enough. the eldest is a challenge (health issues). SO 4 months ago I gave birth to a baby boy who is soooo much easier (touch wood) than the older 2. People say it's me cos I must be more experienced but I think it's more his nature. It's like putting on an old shoe. I tried to look at the positives for me - some time off work saying goodbye for the moment to my midlife crisis and the simple pleasures of having a little one. I think you do simply find a way and learn to enjoy it. Not sure about your depression. Is it likely to happen again or could you sail through?

skihorse Thu 20-Aug-09 18:36:50

I just wanted to say that you don't have to have this baby and nobody on this earth has the right to force you to have any child you don't want to have.

weegiemum Thu 20-Aug-09 18:46:37

Hi there.

I found I was unexpectedly pregnant with what turned out to be dd2 after my mirena coil failed. When I found out, dd1 was 3 and ds 15 months - she was born when dd1 was 2 months short of 4, and ds 22 months.

I had had 2 ghastly pregnancies, ante-natal and postnatal depression (which had hospitalised me at one point) and physical problems with kidney stones in 2nd, and this became worse in this last pregnancy.

I was in hospital 17 times in the 18 months of the pregnancy and year afterwards. My kidneys are now OK but I had an operation during the pregnancy and 2 afterwards in the 6 months after she was born.

I was seriously depressed after she was born and did manage to stay out of hospital, but had some serious therapy and medication to deal with it.

While dh and I are in a very good place now, for the first couple of years after she was born we struggled and fought a lot - things were hard. He had really not wanted 3, but termination was never an option for us once I was pregnant.

We had a very hard time of it.

BUT ---

dd2 is now 5, will be 6 in November. She's cuddled up beside me at the moment, watching a dvd (with suspected Swine Flu!), just started into primary 2 at school, is bright, gorgeous, cheerful, loving, fantastic.

If you told me now what I would have to go through to have her, how hard it would be, then I would still say yes!

Not sure if this is helpful. But it is my experience!

mummc2 Thu 20-Aug-09 18:58:02

i just want to say how sympathetic i feel for you right now, your mind must be spinning

Only you and hubby can make this decision.

I found out i was pregnant when my DD2 was 9 months and DD1 was 3.5. I had a rough time with both pregnancies, complications and early deliveries. I suffered with depression with DD1 and thought i was feeling great with DD2 and then when i fell pregnant.......
i just didnt know what to think but in the end we decided to terminate the pregnancy.

We were just coping money wise and having a third wud have meant bigger car, bigger house and less working hours for me to bring money in.

Im not saying this is what you should do im just telling my story, but like skihorse said you dont HAVE to have this baby. It was an incredibly hard decision for me especially being a catholic and i was upset for quite a while afterwards But i know for me it was the right decision when i considered how all the changes would affect the 2 DDs i already have.

gypsymoon Thu 20-Aug-09 19:03:15

What an amazing post weegiemum - actually brought a tear to my eye.

I have vile morning sickness at the moment with DC3 so it's pretty difficult to see the good in this pregnancy, but you posting that lovely image of you and your daughter and that you would go through it all again has mad me realise how lucky I really am....

weegiemum Thu 20-Aug-09 19:06:09

thankyou gypsymoon!

She is a wee star.

It did take until she was about 3 till I could have honestly said I would do it again, though.

loopylil Thu 20-Aug-09 21:09:00

not alone... have a three year old, my second child turned 1 last week and my not planned for no 3. is due in 4 days... yikes!
still haven't got my head around it my dp same attitude as yours the philosophical will deal with whatever happens approach, so thats good.
i'm sure ill struggle but people struggle with one child.
you won't be suffering with pnd this time if it did reoccur because you'd recognise the signs and it sounds like you ad's are handling it
(by the way, you may not be on them for the rest of your life nobody can say that)

yes effectively you are back at square one that was my headmesser in finding out that i was 'repregnant' :-) its such a long journey to go through physically mentally and emotionally i thought blimey i can't do it again so soon (cue the floods of tears) but i found out at xmas and here i am 4 days away from due date. it has honestly flown because the other kids have kept me sooooo busy.

so no advice as such but just posted to let you know i understand your fears as am currently wearing the t shirt but overall im very glad ive stuck with the pregnancy and after the shaky start am really looking forward to meeting baby no3 (although not the labour part ;-) xx

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