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Hyperemesis and miscarriage

(9 Posts)
Decaff Tue 18-Aug-09 10:34:06

Hi all, i am new here and just looking for some info/support/encouragement.

I have just gone through 6 weeks of hyperemesis only to lose the baby at 11.5 weeks. To say i am gutted and shocked is an understatement. After all those weeks of being so ill and in and out of hospital i can't believe that it was all for nothing.

Being continually told that hyperemesis is a great sign of a strong pregnancy (by medical staff and family/friends alike) i think has made the MC even more difficult to accept. I also had a scan the day before the MC and all was well. I just feel so confused and responsible somehow.

I am just wondering if anyone else gone through this (hyperemesis/severe sickness right up to the MC) or am i a total anomaly? Apologies if this is not an appropriate area to post this in but i am hoping for some encouragement about getting pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy following this. At the moment it seems like a bit of an impossibility. Also, i am wondering how long should we leave it before trying again?

I know i can have a successful pregnancy as i have a beautiful 2-year old who is really helping me get through this but i can't help feel that i was just 'lucky' and that that might not happen again.

Apologies for the self-pitying tone here - i know i probably need to give myself a shake but it only happened a few days ago and i just can't shake myself out of it yet.

Thanks for reading folks.

monkeybumsmum Tue 18-Aug-09 12:34:28

Oh Decaff, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. It's heartbreaking, especially since, as you say, people tell you constantly that sickness is a good sign and that all should be okay.

I had exactly your experience last year - had horrific sickness starting at 5 and a half weeks, and then found out at the 12 week scan that the baby had died. We'd had a scan at 8 weeks, and all was well, and I was even hospitalised as the sickness was so terrible. I don't know about you, and it might be too early for you to be feeling like this, but after a few days all I could feel was anger. Anger at having to have gone through all that and then come out with nothing. Anger that I lost weeks that I could have spent looking after my son - I had to rely on family to help as I was too weak to even lift him. It's just awful sad

As it was my third mc, my gynae did tests after the ERPC and it was found that I'd had a Partial Molar Pregnancy, which is where two sperm get in to fertilise the egg rather than one. It was destined not to succeed from conception sad I won't go into the ins and outs of PMP, as it's probably not the case here, but it really helped to find a reason. Have they done any tests at all for you?
As for feeling responsible, it is absolutely not your fault. I felt like that too, and blamed the medication they'd put me on until I found out the reason. You mustn't blame yourself.

We had to wait a while to try again, but I believe that we CAN do it, and pray that we will. At the moment you have to concentrate on your gorgeous two year - he or she is living proof that you can carry a child, and what has happened recently is just terribly bad luck sad.

If you need to chat more then let me know, I know exactly how you're feeling.

Take care x

Decaff Tue 18-Aug-09 14:00:41

Thanks for replying MonkeyBM and i'm so sorry that you have gone through this too. It actually really helps though to know that others have gone through this and that i'm not a complete freak.

There was no obvious reason for the MC. They examined the baby afterwards and said that it was forming normally and that it was just one of those awful things that has no explanation (that sounds like they were flippant when they were actually really supportive and sympathetic thankfully). They have sent the placenta off for investigation but have said that it is rare that they find anything in these circumstances.

I felt the same as you about my DD. I am so sad at all that lost time when i couldn't do anything to look after her because of the hyperemesis. She was so confused because i couldn't do anything with her - even the noise of her playing in the same room made me vomit. It really is the cruellest thing.

I really want to try for another baby but the thought of possibly going through all that again (i had hyperemesis with my DD too) is terrifying. The need for another baby is stronger though so i guess i just have to deal with that.

I am just wondering how long it should be left to TTC again as i was almost 12 weeks gone or whether your hormones settle the same timscale-wise regardless of when you MC. I would definitely leave it for at least a couple of cycles i think.

goingtohaveagoodnightssleep Tue 18-Aug-09 14:07:38

Decaff sorry ou have had such a heartbreaking time.

I have not experinced hyperemesis but have mc'd. My last mc was at 16 weeks I started trying straight away and concieved after one cycle, my period arrived about 4 1/2 weeks after my mc. Go for it when you feel ready.

Wonderstuff Tue 18-Aug-09 14:19:25

So sorry you have been through this decaff

I had awful sickness for both my pgs. The first miscarried. The second pg was awful. I was so sick and totally convinced my suffering would be for nothing. I would sit and think well if I am going to lose it I hope it happens today because I don't want to spend any more time feeling awful. Was a terrible thing to think but I was so miserable. I want number two but am so scared of the pregnancy and the thought of wasting time feeling so awful should I mc again terrifies me.

I found this book really helpful.

Good luck with ttc. I think the decision on when to try is more about your emotional state than anything, but if you would like to start trying could you call the hospital for advice? I think I was able to do this for a few weeks after my mc?

Decaff Tue 18-Aug-09 14:26:24

Thanks goingtohaveagoodnightssleep.

I'm so sorry about your MC at 16 weeks - that must have been bloody awful.

I suppose as soon as periods get going again then that's your body getting back to 'normal' isn't it. And your body is very business-like about getting on with these things, as opposed to your emotions.

How long did you guys take off of work afterwards? I've been signed off for 2 weeks and am thinking i'll go back after that. It's such a pressured job though (which i'm trying to get out of) that i'm dreading it.

Decaff Tue 18-Aug-09 14:40:58

Wonderstuff i had feelings exactly like that with this pregnancy. I think that's why i feel almost responsible because some days i just felt i couldn't take the sickness anymore.

I think i kinda had a feeling that i might lose the baby (but to be honest i think i had that feeling with DD and i wonder whether every women has a little thought in the back of her mind that she might lose the baby - it's the whole 'it's too good to be true' feeling). Although i don't know how many times i said to my husband and mum that i just hoped i wasn't going through all this for nothing. I kinda became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The thought of going through it all again for nothing just terrifies me too - the MC is awful enough to go through but the hyperemesis just compounds it. It would be my third bout of hyperemesis and my Consultant said that the chances are that it would happen again.

Thanks for the book recommendation - i'll definitely order it and have a read.

Wonderstuff Tue 18-Aug-09 17:36:23

I found the feeling of relief at not feeling sick really hard to marry to the devestation of losing a baby. I had a missed mc and started to feel well before I found out and was so relived and happy to not feel sick, I felt very guilty about effectively feeling pleased to have lost the baby. I wonder whether my hyperemesis made it more difficult to come to terms with the mc. I was depressed for a long time.

During my second pg it was a while before I went to the doctor, I think I assumed that there was nothing to be done but he did help me with some strategies and I would definitly seek help earlier next time.

monkeybumsmum Tue 18-Aug-09 19:49:39

Wonderstuff I too found that really hard - it was such a relief not to feel sick, but I felt awful that I could be feeling relieved at the same time as having lost a baby.

Decaff I took off three weeks afterwards, which I really needed, and even then when I went back to work colleagues told me how gaunt I looked. You need time emotionally after this, but also physically - being so sick for that many weeks takes a toll on our bodies, so just take your time...
I know what you mean about being terrified to go through it a third time- I too had hyperemisis with ds, and have no doubt I'll have it again. For months after my last mc I was adamant that I didn't want anything to do with ttc, but gradually came to realise that I would go through it all again and do whatever else it takes to be able to give ds a sibling. All through the sickness last year I kept saying to dh that even if this goes wrong I will never ever go through this again as it's just so awful, but when push comes to shove I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant being able to have another baby. It's amazing what our minds can come to terms with over time.
I second Wonderstuff's book recommendation by the way, it was really helpful and explained things really well.

Am thinking of you Decaff. I remember what an awful time it was for us in the aftermath of our mc sad

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