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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

abortion

92 replies

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:20

has anyone ever had an abortion and how has it affected u? do u regret it?

OP posts:

Report

SPARKLER1 · 27/05/2005 13:26

I have never had an abortion but not exactly sure about my feelings on the subject. In my situation now I would never dream of going through such an experience but, until a situation arose where it would have to be considered, it's very difficult to give a definite answer.
I always think of people who have been raped and fallen pregnant - how they cope and make the decision as to whether or not to keep the child. Very difficult.

expatinscotland · 27/05/2005 13:28

No, I've never had an abortion. I think I'd regret it too much.

Toothache · 27/05/2005 13:28

Never could. And I mean never.

suzywong · 27/05/2005 13:31

Nope, never could
but thankfully I have never been in a postion to have to make that decision

I think you have to consider all your options and all the options of those concerned, if you really really feel the child's longterm quality of life would be compromised by the situation in to which it would be born then you may be doing the right thing, but I defend every woman's right to make that choice without fear or moral pressure

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:31

I had an abortion at age 17. My boyfriend was very verbally abusive and told me to have a termination or risk losing him, and my mum gave me no option of keeping it and I was frightened to go against it. I regret it so much now, esp as I can't conceive but it's only been 2 attempts. I am 21 now and ready to be a mum and regret the abortion so much its ruined my life and I think about 'what if' every single day. My baby would be 3 years old now if I had had it.

OP posts:

fastasleep · 27/05/2005 13:32

I could if it meant my son or daughter was going to live their lives in extreme pain or have absolutely no quality of life... I would have to be completely certain though. Otherwise I couldn't ever. But after saying that I understand why a lot of women do, and I don't think it's a bad thing to do in some cases, as long as you think it through very carefully and understand that you're never going to be able to just forget about it.... I would suggest adoption, that's painful too of course, but you know that the child's alive and being cared for and you have nothing (in my opinion) to feel guilty about.

Toothache · 27/05/2005 13:32

Don't torture yourself about it now.

HappyMumof2 · 27/05/2005 13:32

Message withdrawn

SPARKLER1 · 27/05/2005 13:32

huggybear · 27/05/2005 13:32

never under any circumstances.

fastasleep · 27/05/2005 13:33

(Not that you should feel guilty about abortions eeep! Nice one fastasleep)

Toothache · 27/05/2005 13:33

Oh hadn't noticed it was in the pregnancy section!

Mosschops30 · 27/05/2005 13:33

Message withdrawn

Heathcliffscathy · 27/05/2005 13:34

yes. i absolutely knew it was the right decision, no question at the time. I had already split up with the father who told me that he was infertile (turns out he couldn't have been infertile from the thing he said had made him infertile). i was 22 and there was just no way i felt i could keep the baby. having an ultrasound scan was deeply upsetting. i 'know' it was a girl in my heart (obviously i don't actually know scientifically) and sometimes i think about what she would be like if i had had her.

i have been most affected by my abortion over 10 years ago since i got pregnant with ds 18 months ago. i still think i made the right decision, but whilst i never for a moment took it lightly, the sadness of what i did hit me like a ton of bricks when i was having a baby that was wanted.

if i hadn't had the abortion my life would have been completely different, i almost certainly would not be with my dh (love of my life) and would not have ds. having said that, of course, i wish i had not got pregnant in the first place....

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:34

but I wanted it so much and I would have made a great mum, not like these teenage mums leaving their babies with parents and friends while they go clubbing or having millions of boyfriends around while the baby is there. I wouldnt have been like that. I hate my mum now and I got rid of the boyfriend 2 years ago.

OP posts:

suzywong · 27/05/2005 13:35

Yes OG, don't torture yourself about it now, look to what you have in the present- the chance to start a family now, when you are more emotionally experienced and less pressured.

For what it's worth, you may have miscarried that pregnancy (as there is a chance of miscarriage in any early pregnancy). Those of us who have miscarried always remember how old that child would have been so you are not alone in that feeling.

Heathcliffscathy · 27/05/2005 13:37

i don't think there is any fear of someone stumbling on this thread unawares given the title happymumof2!

fastasleep · 27/05/2005 13:37

Olivia you were forced into it and no one could hold that against you...you've done nothing wrong. I hope you get the baby you deserve soon, I bet you will! big hugs xxxx

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:41

its like my mum can't even understand why I hate her even now. she basically tells me to get over it if I cry because of it. In my last nanny job I had the children 24/7 for weeks on end because mum and dad were posted to iraq. It was brilliant being a stand in mum for them.

OP posts:

beansmum · 27/05/2005 13:43

it wasn't your fault, and at least you have the chance to have a child with someone who isn't abusive now. And you have a ds don't you?

suzywong · 27/05/2005 13:44

Your mum sounds scared of facing up to the part she played in what happened. At the time she may have genuinely believed she was acting in everyone's best interests but it is unkind of her not to acknowledge your feelings.

You sound like you will be a wonderful mum and I hope it happens soon for you. Does your current partner know about the abortion (no reason why you should tell him but it may be good for him to give you extra support at themoment)

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:54

No I dont have any children yet but I used to nanny for a single dad and his son and from the first day I nannied there he called me 'mummy'. As much as I tried to convince him I wasnt his mummy, the name stuck and we're all very close now and daddy is a wonderful guy, one of my closest friends.

OP posts:

OliviaGrace · 27/05/2005 13:56

I guess it just gets to me that I didn't have a say in the situation, otherwise I could possibly be a mum now which would be the most wonderful thing. I am angry and upset and bitter.

OP posts:

pinkmama · 27/05/2005 14:00

Hi OliviaGrace, sorry you are struggling with this. I had abortion at at 18, 16 years ago. I have had periods of time when I regretted it, and got upset, but actually assophable said, my life would have been so very different if i had gone ahead with it. The father later came out as being gay, so that relationship was going nowhere, and I doubt I would have ever met dh, therefore I wouldnt have the wonderful children I have now. I think its important to remember that the decisions we make about anything are the ones that were right at the time for us. It would be easy for me not to sit here with my lovely life and think about the other child I could have had here, but it wouldnt have been like that. YOur relationship is over, your life has moved on, please dont beat yourself up, keep reminidng yourself it was the decision you made at that time.

Take care, I am sure that in the future you will have every opportunity to show what a wonderful mummy you are capable of being, and with a father for your child you would be proud of x

beansmum · 27/05/2005 14:25

oh, sorry OG, I thought I remembered you saying that you had left your partner and taken your ds with you, must be someone else. I'm stupid today.

you are still young and even if you have to try for a while before conceiving you have plenty of time to become a mum, and I'm sure you will be a great mum when it does happen.

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