Pre-natal depression or just normal feelings? Please help(6 Posts)
Hi there, wasn't sure whether to post this in pregnancy or mental health, but hope somebody here reads it and can offer some reassurance/advice.
I'm 24 weeks pg with no.2 and having a rough time, although outwardly to everyone else I seem fine. I have the most dreadful back problems which affects me all day and all night. I'm much more tired this time round even if I do get a decent night's sleep (DS is a great sleeper - he's not the problem). DH does shift work and on the days when he's not working he likes to stay up late watching TV and inevitable falls asleep on the sofa, comes to bed at about 3/4 when he wakes up or when I get up to go to the bathroom and wake him up. Often then he tosses and turns for ages, then when he finally does get to sleep in bed he snores for Britain. I'm a really light sleeper and he's a really heavy sleeper and I find it impossible to get to sleep unless I have complete quiet and no wriggling, which generally means I have to go into the spare room as soon as DH comes to bed so that I can actually get back to sleep again. This morning that didn't even work so I have been awake since 4 when DH finally came to bed.
So, if you're still with me I've got the really bad back and absolutely knackered. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I am getting really worried about the new arrival. We will be putting DS into the spare room but first we need to have an immense clearout and redecorate. We've got plenty of time still to do that but I'm worrying about everything- will DS settle in a new room (we're moving him to a bed at the same time so that the new baby can have the cotbed he currently sleeps in), how will I sleep when I can't go to the spare room if DH disturbs me, what will I do when DH is working a night shift if DS1 is poorly whilst the baby is small and I'm back at work (already imagining being up all night on my own with one or the other and then having to do a full day's work before it all starts again). I'm also worrying about work as I was treated really badly last time I went on mat leave and I don't want the same thing to happen again (I work for a charity with no HR department or any proper procedures, and have a job with a lot of responsibility).
Basically, I'm not sleeping properly, in constant pain, getting stressed and tearful about all sorts of things and frequently have thoughts about just crawling under a rock for the next year and letting someone else deal with it. I have to do all the household admin as well (which isn't a complaint in itself - if I do it I know it gets done properly and on time), plus I am a school governor and the chair of the local afterschool club, so I have a lot on my plate. I have already decided to resign from the afterschool club at the AGM in November and my governor term runs out in April.
My rational side says that it is just pregnancy hormones combined with my general nature to always expect the worst which is making me feel like this, but then I wonder if there's anything I can do or take to feel less tearful, stressed and generally negative about everything. I did have mild PND after DS was born, but it was never diagnosed and I only really realised a lot further down the line that I was suffering.
If anybody has made it that far and actually can get to the bottom of these ramblings, I'd really appreciate some advice/reassurance.
Of course you're feeling down at the moment you're in pain and sleep deprived, even normal life can be difficult, let alone being pregnant and working.
If you think you are worse than normal then talk to your GP/midwife as depression during pregnancy is common and they should be used to dealing with it. If it is your nature to expect the worst could you talk your gp about CBT to help look at changing the way you look at life in general.
Things do have a way of working themselves out with sleeping arrangements after the second one arrives, even if it is not what you were expecting it to be (and sometimes feels like musical beds!!)
Is your back pain pregnancy related, if so you can be referred to physiotherapy really quickly.
Oh poor you. To me, you sound anxious and tired more than depressed, but I have absolutely no expertise.
I think if it were me, I'd take one thing at a time and maybe focus on getting as much sleep as possible. How about asking DH to sleep in the spare room for now so that you can sleep better?
I'm sure your DS will settle just fine in a new room, as long as you give him time to adjust to it before the baby comes and he doesn't think he's been booted out by the new arrival! Big up the big boy bed and let him help choose bedding and decorations for the room and I'm sure he'll be more than happy.
I think you should get some legal advice to ensure you don't get messed around by your employers and so that you are very clear about what your rights are. I always think clarity and information reduces stress!
Good luck. I hope you manage to get some proper rest - I should think everything will seem less overwhelming if you get more sleep.
Hi there - sounds like there is a lot on your plate as you say, and being pregnant and dealing with the back pain etc. is bound to take the wind out of your sails. I think it sounds 'normal'- I too am pg with no 2 and sometimes feel overwhelmed by both the amount there seems to do before the new one arrives and a lack of energy to actually get it done. I had forgotten how tiring and worrying I found pregnancy.
Having said that, if this is feeling alarming to you and esp since you had mild pnd post DS I think it may be worth talking to your midwife about it, in addition to family etc. Sometimes making a practical plan to rope people into helping with the things they can help with (decorating etc) gives you the space to deal with the harder stuff (work).
Also, I have to try and be gentle with myself - being pregnant is a job in itself so if all you manage to do is get through the day sometimes that's OK.
Hope this helps and take care.
Thanks everyone. These are v.reassuring messages - DH is working tonight so I'm home alone and having a bad night where everything seems horrible and I just keep imagining the worst that can happen in every aspect of my life. I have my 24 week appointment on Thursday so will speak to midwife then and see what she suggests.
Thanks for being around ladies
Big hugs. Have a look at www.dipcare.org and if the feelings sound familiar then fill in the contact me form and I'll send you a leaflet with some self help tips.
Hope your appt with the midwife goes well. x
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