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Pregnant, and keep worrying something's going to happen to DD1

(10 Posts)
generalunrest Fri 14-Aug-09 19:50:44

There's going to be an eight year gap between my DD and this LO, I'm much more worried than I normally am that something terrible is going to happen to my DD, and it's not going away as the hormones settle down.

It could be general anxiety at having another baby, or that I've had two MC's and now well past the weeks when the risk is highest with this preg, and I'm now transferring that worry onto my DD. I just can't believe that I'm going to be 'allowed' to have the happiness of having two DC.

Has anyone else felt this? Perhaps if I knew it was a pretty normal thing I could get my head round it more and get things in perspective.

maybebaby23 Fri 14-Aug-09 20:38:16

Oh my gosh me too!! I keep looking at DD (3.5) and worrying that she might get ill or something might happen to her Its making me so upset. She is so excited about her new baby sister coming and i just keep looking at her and thinking if anything happened to her i don't know what i'd do WHY am i thinking like this?! No idea, but you are not alone, big hugs

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Fri 14-Aug-09 21:41:20

Me too!! I cry sometimes worrying about DS. He's 1 year old.

I always knew he was perfect but never quite so much as I do now I'm pregnant again. I think it's the vulnerability and responsibility. I love him so much I couldn't live if anything happened to him and now there's going to be two to worry about.

Also, I feel sort of mean having another baby like he's not enough when he's wonderful. It's like being totally overwhelmed with love so much it makes you worry something could happen to ruin your lives IYSWIM?

God I'm soppy, sorry.

Glad it's not just me though- think DH thinks I've gone demented.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Fri 14-Aug-09 21:43:43

Oh and maybe- I relate to that staring at them thinking 'oh my word if anything happened to one hair on your little head' and they're just bodding about playing.

His big cousin (who's 2) started throwing a fit and shouting at him the other day and he got scared and only wanted me- but I had to go to my scan. By the time I left he was in tears and I went out and started crying myself.

OhToBeAYummyMummy Fri 14-Aug-09 22:53:33

I feel exactly the same way generalunrest. I have one DS (3 & 1/2) and I know exactly what you mean about feeling that you're not going to be 'allowed' the happiness of having two DC.

I was wondering if my reaction stemmed in part from the fact that DS had a really rough time with severe asthma from 6mths-2years old with lots of hospital admissions and general scariness for us all (swine flu really isn't helping my state of mind ) I also had a MC at the end of last year so maybe the transference of anxiety theory could be right general.

I definitely have that guilt going on that you mentioned TAUP as if having another child is somehow saying that he's not enough when he is completely fantastic.

It is a bit of a relief to read that I'm not the only one feeling like this. Here's to healthy happy families for all of us

generalunrest Sat 15-Aug-09 09:58:00

Yeah, I keep thinking about that maybebaby23. DD1 has always wanted a bro/sis, and as she was only 4 and 5 when I had the MC's she was too small to tell, this is the first time she's known me preg. She's got everything she's going to do with the LO mapped out smile I just couldn't bear being left without her and for the LO not to know her.

Like OTBAYM's DS she has asthma which we have now got under control (amazingly it's taking Piriton that helped), but they do keep banging on about small children/asthma/swine flu, it's just another thing that plays on your mind when you're trying to keep your children safe.

Still, I'd rather have the worry of trying to keep her safe etc than not to have known her at all smile

Laugs Sat 15-Aug-09 10:39:22

I'm really relieved to have found this thread as I've been having the same worries. I keep thinking I am pushing my luck by expecting to have another healthy baby. That I don't deserve another one when I already have DD etc sad

I am trying to keep reminding myself that most people have more than one child and I've never considered any of them to be so ridiculously lucky that something is bound to happen. I just think of them as normal.

Sorry you other ladies are feeling like this too, but I'm glad it's not just me. What an emotional rollercoaster pregnancy is.

maybebaby23 Sat 15-Aug-09 13:08:29

Oh yes generalunrest, i didnt want to actually say it as its too horrid to even think, the thought of something happening to DD and the baby not knowing her (omg am crying now! ) I am also so glad you started this thread. I haven't said anything to DF as he would think ive gone mad and because its just to scary to say out loud. Definately an emotional rollercoaster. We have the discussions about what DD will do to help with the baby too, she is so so happy and excited and i am totally made up for her. Your 'baby' was special before your 2nd pregnancy but now they just seem extra special and precious don't they? I have found myself sitting in DD's bedroom while she is sleeping and thinking back to when all these special kicks and wriggles inside me were from her How soppy am i, my old friends don't recognise me anymore haha thanks for listening guys

yentil Sat 15-Aug-09 19:37:02

I thought this was just me being a mad nutsmile. So happy I am not alone. I keep thinking the otherbway round though. How awful it oils be for DD1 to not meet this little one (if god forbid something happened). I daren't tell anyone. My DD aged 4 has fallen inlove truely madly deeply with her unborn sister. It's all she talks about. It breaks my heart sometimes to see how she is so looking forward to her coming home. I have had a tough pregnancy and almost had a csection at 30 weeks and that's when I fell apart at the possibility of not bringing hm a baby. I am now almost 36 weeks. Although more confident I still cannot believe I will be blessed again. DD1 is the best thing that's ever happened to us. What have we done to deserve another blessing. I just wish I could enjoy it more and not have these thoughts.

maybebaby23 Sat 15-Aug-09 19:52:27

Oh yentil i can see why you are worrying about your unborn baby, my DD is also madly in love with her unborn sister and that starts off a whole new worry about the baby. Im sorry you have had a rough pregnancy but hopefully now you are so nearly there all will be well. We all know how you feel. I love this site I felt like a mad nut too lol.

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