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Lots of travel at 35 weeks pg for a friends wedding - is this a good idea?

(47 Posts)
HalfMumHalfBiscuit Sun 09-Aug-09 12:47:54

I have a dilemma. One of my best friends from University days (ahem over 13 years ago now!) will be getting married in September. I used to live in the room next to her for 2 years and she came to our wedding 5 years ago.

Here is the problem; we live in North Wales and her wedding is in Falmouth. According to the AA thats at least an 7 hour drive each way not including any traffic problems. The M5 round Bristol is notoriously bad.

I checked the trains and it will take 9-11 hours and 3 changes. It is unlikely that anyone will let me on a plane.

DH might not be able to come with me as he is a teacher and can't get the Friday off. DS was going to stay at his grandparents but this is no longer possible so DH might have to stay at home to look after him anyway unless we find something else.

I will be 35 weeks pg the week of the wedding. I am 30 weeks now and healthy (a bit low in iron) but feel tired and achy if I stand up too long. DH is worried that I might go in to labour and that it's too far for me to drive on my own.

I don't know whether to go or not. I won't be able to stand up too long at the wedding, or drink, and I will look like a house and probably have to go to be early.

However, it would be lovely to see my uni mates and catch up with them.

My friend really wants me to go. She doesn't have children and no one else at the wedding (who I know) is a parent. I'd feel more comfortable if I could ask one of my friends at the wedding to give me a bit of support but they have no knowledge/understanding of being pg and will probably want to get drunk.

I don't want to tire myself out or do anything silly but I would like to go to the wedding. I wish it was nearer. It would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't pregnant.

I am seeing my consultant tomorrow. My previous baby was an ECS. I might mention the wedding to him and see what he thinks.

Anyone got any thoughts / advice?

JustWannaSay Sun 09-Aug-09 12:56:03

Don't do it! I think your midwife would tell you to stay near your hospital at that stage of your pregnancy anyway, as you could feasibly go into labour at that time.

I'm sure your friend will understand. If you feel bad about bowing out, tell her that your midwife says you shouldn't travel at that time, then you don't have to take the guilt on yourself.

Think about the consequences if you went into labour - you'd be alone, who would help you? How long would it take for your DH to get to you?? You could end up giving birth alone in a hospital you don't know and where they don't know you.... Is a wedding and catch up with old friends really worth risking that for? You can catch up with them another time, seriously, it's not worth it.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sun 09-Aug-09 12:58:49

Send a nice telegram instead, with your apologies.

If they do not understand now, perhaps they will have children soon, and will understand then how difficult a position you are in.

But IMO you cannot take the chance, not going on your own, its not sensible at all for the reasons your DH states.

alicecrail Sun 09-Aug-09 15:58:43

Do not do it!

I went to a wedding at 30 weeks that was about 4hrs away but DH drove us and i slept all the way there and back. I really think you won't enjoy it. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but you will be tired, a bit lonely and if you go into labour (especially if it's your 2nd) you could end up having the baby 7hrs away from home on your own.

Can you arrange to see her sometime next year? Perhaps go down for a holiday?

arolf Sun 09-Aug-09 16:19:46

I wouldn't do it - I'll be 35 weeks next week, and we're not going to a friend's wedding for the same reasons as everyone has given here - exhaustion, travelling far from hosp, etc etc. Luckily my DP is being very understanding, as it's his best friend who is getting married - but he told her almost immediately we announced the pregnancy that we wouldn't ba able to go to her wedding. It's a shame, but she understands, and we've just agreed to go and visit her some time next year instead.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Sun 09-Aug-09 18:33:11

Lots of good advice here thanks. Sounds like I'm going to have to break the news to the bride that I can't go for lots of reasons. I don't think she will be too happy but on this occasion I may have to be selfish.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Mon 10-Aug-09 18:27:22

Well I saw my consultant today and posed the question.

He said that the nearest maternity unit is in Truro so it would be fine if I went into labour. I mentioned that DH wouldn't be around and he said ' well thats one less person for the ambulance' hmm.

He also said that I didn't give birth early last time so less likely to do so this time and that if I did it would more likely be 2 weeks before the due date rather than 5. He turned to the midwife and said you'd go wouldn't you and she said yes of course.

DH said afterwards that the consultant was focused on the medical side / facilities and didn't really take into consideration that I might be worn out etc. So still wondering whether to go on my own, with DH if we can manage it or not at all!

makedoandmend Mon 10-Aug-09 18:40:36

I had the same dilemma - best mates getting married in Devon (we're in Worthing) meaning hours of driving. I originally said yes but when it came to it I knew it would be such a bad idea. My consultant also warned against it - telling me a lovely little story about his patient getting stuck in traffic and developing DVT.

You'll have to stop frequently for the DVT thing so it'll take even longer, you'll be knackered when you get there and you'll be the only sober person there (and we know how much fun that is hmm). Plus all that sitting may bugger your back (it did my friend who went on a long car journey late in pregnancy).

Plus you'd be gutted if you went into labour without DH there (and everyone would be too pissed to go with you to the hospital).

Oh and you'd have a really long journey back with a newborn!

Your friend will understand (or they will when they get pregnant!)

monkeypinkmonkey Mon 10-Aug-09 18:49:10

Don't do it! I went to visit family at 35 weeks ended up in hospital for high blood pressure, I had to beg them not to induce me there and then. So two weeks of monitoring they let me out if I promised I would go straight to my hospital in home town (where they kept me in!). Next Dc I will NOT be going anywhere in later stages. I'm sure your friend
will understand.

Roomfor2 Mon 10-Aug-09 19:04:32

Agree - don't do it. It sounds like the consultant was thinking purely about the medical facilities, not about the physical demands on you and the practical/emotional issues of going into labour alone and miles from homw.

And the midwife is hardly about to disagree with the consultant in front of a patient now, is she!

I would personally not take the risk for the sake of a party. You should be at home with your feet up watching telly and checking your hospital list at that stage, not trekking up and down the country on your own!

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Mon 10-Aug-09 19:05:05

makedo - Hmm DVT and back buggering worth knowing about.

How often do you have to stop to make sure you don't get DVT?

Am thinking the same re the rest of the wedding party being hammered and no capable of helping / understanding.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Mon 10-Aug-09 19:06:41

roomfor2 - the midwife hardly looked like the partying type which was amusing!

Tigresswoods Mon 10-Aug-09 19:07:58

Oh don't do it (I'll join in) if I was in your position (which clearly I am not) I would feel like I had to go because none of them would understand why I wasn't and that I would feel like I was letting my friend down.

IMHO now is the time to be a bit selfish, put your feet up, plan to catch up with her in the new year and look at the photos on Facebook.

One day she will understand and you won't have put yourself through 2-3 days of horrible travelling and standing.

Also, think DH is right, consultant is looking at things in an "on paper" sort of way.

Q. Can a 35 week pregnant lady still do thing?
A. Yes. Therefore of course she can drive for over 7 hours to a wedding!

Haylstones Mon 10-Aug-09 19:14:24

I'm on the fence here. I went away for Xmas a few years ago when I was 36 weeks pregnant and it was fine- we stopped regularly during 7 hour drive, dh did all the driving and we were staying with family so had plenty of support. However, it doesn't sound like you'd be able to do any of those things and the wedding wouldn't me much fun if you're on edge, worrying about things and possibly being without your dh.

Personally, I wouldn't go in this instance but don't rule out travelling anywhere due to pg!

makedoandmend Mon 10-Aug-09 19:17:58

I was told to stop every 1 1/2 to 2 hours and walk around. Pregnant women are particularly prone to it apparently - hence the lady in the traffic jam story.

makedoandmend Mon 10-Aug-09 19:19:35

Oh and I'll also add that I missed my sister's 50th birthday weekend in my 36th week (It was in Norfolk) for the same reason which I was gutted about - but people do understand.

Weegle Mon 10-Aug-09 19:24:03

I'm another in the don't do it camp.

I had 2 weddings at the end of my first pg. One was at 35 weeks and a 4 hour drive, overnight etc. The other was 36 weeks and an hours drive. The morning of the 35 wk one I collapsed with palpitations, ended up in hospital being monitored etc. Thank goodness we weren't on our way, or at the wedding. The second one we made but DH was with me and ensured I was sitting at all times and waited on hand and foot. I still felt light headed and despite it being a very close friend's wedding, with lots of other friends there, and DH I just wanted to be out of there, in my own comfort zone, in comfy clothes etc etc. This pregnancy - no way, not going to be travelling that late on at all, but given they expect to deliver at 36 weeks that's not an option grin

StealthPolarBear Mon 10-Aug-09 19:25:59

We went to a wedding in Falmouth last year and the roads around there are very narrow and windy (drove from airport to Famouth), can't remember if it was the roads near the airport or in Famouth itself, wouldn't have liked to do it on my own while being kicked / having BHs.
Also, will it be regatta weekend? It was when we went, and parking was an absolute nightmare!
Just practicalities, in case you do decide to go!
Could you fly?? Is that even worth exploring?

StealthPolarBear Mon 10-Aug-09 19:27:23

Although that would be to Newquay and then you'd have to get there, same as I described before - it's about an hours drive I think, hmmm

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Mon 10-Aug-09 19:41:15

Stealth - The flights available are from Anglesey to Cardiff or Manchester to Newquay so there would still be a fair bit of driving involved. I think they accept pg ladies upto 36 weeks with a doc's letter.

Its the weekend of the 12th Sept - dunno when Regatta week is?

Another option is to go to London on the train (which is only 3 hours amazingly) and drive down with a friend. Although this will mean having to go on the tube and will still involve a long car journey from London to Falmouth.

I think the reason I am trying to make it work is that I will feel awful about letting the bride down and that none of them will understand due to lack of DC's. They are all over 35 too so its a surprising lack of DC's!

StealthPolarBear Mon 10-Aug-09 19:46:57

I think London - Falmouth is at least 5 hours
Well plane not really helping much!
Regatta weekend was August last year, presumably it is again so at least that isn't a complication!
I agree with everyone else - don't go. Can you ask your midwife? Can you ask how likely it is that you'll go into labour at 35 weeks? Not to reassure you, but to give some back up to you.

StealthPolarBear Mon 10-Aug-09 19:50:10

oh I see but at least you'd be with a friend, so slightly better.
Anyone you know got a helicopter?

HalfMumHalfBiscuit Mon 10-Aug-09 19:53:23

Thanks for all the advice.

Its so tricky what with all the pressure to go to the wedding plus keeping going with family life, a DS aged 3, working full-time and being pg. I do find it hard as I can't really talk to any of my old uni pals about the difficulties this is bringing up. Thank God for you lot!

Stealth I will ask my midwife what she thinks. I want to be realistic here and she will be. The consultant said it was unlikely I would give birth at 35 weeks.

I might also be brave and talk to closest uni mate about it.

StealthPolarBear Mon 10-Aug-09 19:56:21

I think it's about how they phrase it - I asked my MW whether I should travel 2 hours to see a friend at about 36 or 37 weeks I think, she said "well you should be fine but make sure you take your notes and find out where the nearest hospital is" - that was all it took for DH to veto it. Now if she said something like that to you you could reasonably take it to mean there's a fair chance you could go into labour.

makedoandmend Mon 10-Aug-09 20:13:38

HMHB - don't feel pressured.

Honestly, a friend isn't someone who is only supportive about things which they've experienced. I think even when I was childless I would have worried about a friend travelling so far at that stage in a pregnancy. Real friends can empathise. I'd talk to them and you probably find that they totally understand.

Tbh I'd be more concerned about the journey and getting stuck in a traffic jam in a hot car without being able to get out rather than going into labour. Probably far more likely but pretty miserable (and potentially dangerous) nonetheless.

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