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how did your non-pregnant friends act???

(20 Posts)
jodie87 Tue 04-Aug-09 23:26:39

im 22 and i seem to find my so called friends now feel they cant involve me in anything just found out what i would call my 4 best friends went out and i didnt even get asked!!
have any of you felt left out at all because i am starting to feel very much on my own

ErikaMaye Tue 04-Aug-09 23:50:08

Mine did the same thing - I'm 18, by the way. I think I've seen them once since I found out, for my birthday, when I had a BBQ here, and all that group did was complain because no one was "getting pissed" hmm How considerate! And then they asked me if I'd like to go see Lee Evans with them - two weeks before my due date. Called me an unsocial bitch when I declined. I love people

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely right now. Can totally sympathise. I think people just don't know how to treat you at first... How far gone are you?

Oh where are my manners!!! Congratulations! grin

I hope your friends come round... Do you have another group of friends as well?

jodie87 Tue 04-Aug-09 23:53:04

congrats to you to,
im just over 15 weeks
i dont really have another group of friends as they all hang out together....just feels like i have been forgotten

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 00:12:55

Thanks I'm about ten weeks ahead of you then.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me when they ditched me, but I'll explain a little but about my circamstances, so maybe you can understand why it doesn't upset me so much.

I fell ill with ME / CFS about 18 months ago. I was on a scholorship to a sixth form after attending a state secondary school when i got ill. When I went to my sixth form, I lost most of my friends from secondary school, and when I fell ill, I lost most of my new friends. There was a long time when I litterally only had one friend, a guy I met through having ME. So I do know what its like to be isolated... Its taken me quite a while to get over it.

BUT

For each friend you loose, there is another one out there waiting for you to meet, I honestly believe that. I still get very lonely now, but have found some things helpful. Antenatal classes, when you start them, are a great way to meet other people in the same state as you. As are things like pregnancy yoga / aqua aerobics - plus there a load of fun!

Have you tried talking to them about it? Or trying to arrange a meet up yourself?

jodie87 Wed 05-Aug-09 00:18:54

well its my birthday next week and have been trying to sort something out for that but no-one really seems that up for it

i think i am just feeling a bit alone as has been a really bad week the babys dad has run a mile and wont even act like there is a baby and my mums side of the family have not been very good

sometimes just makes me feel like im losing grip of everything a bit

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 00:25:59

I'm so sorry to hear that people are bein unsupportive - not what you need right now, really

Have you tried checking out your MN local section? See if there are people locally who you could meet up with?

I know what you mean about loosing grip... I've been very lucky, my partner and my family have been incredably supportive, and its still impossibly difficult for me at times. So I don't envy you your situation

What about your Dad's side? Are they being supportive? Do you want the father of your child involved?

jodie87 Wed 05-Aug-09 00:30:57

only just got back in touch with my dad after about 2 years but him and his gf are being amazing it really helps to know i have someone...

i would love the father to be involved but guess i cant force him to be

hes been quite nasty to me over facebook which wasnt good

but if i am totally honest i would rather have no friends at all then fakes around me

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 00:33:55

I'm glad they're being supportive. If you've been out of touch, obviously, its not the same, but still, like you say - its someone.

What I was going to suggest was give him a few weeks to become accustomed to the idea, then approach him about being involved, but if he's being nasty to you then I don't really know what to say.

Basically - that's now exactly where I stand. It is lonely sometimes, but seriously - you do meet new people through pregnancy. This site has been a bloody life saver to me as well

jodie87 Wed 05-Aug-09 00:36:10

lol i am soooooo glad i was told about this site

i am hoping he will come around at some point but im not sure if that will happen

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 00:40:27

Yeah me too... Because I'm disabled, I don't really get out much, and tend to live online, so its been fantastic.

I really hope he does, too. You sound like you could do with a hug! But at the same time, if he doesn't, you'll find the strength to do it alone, I'm sure

jodie87 Wed 05-Aug-09 00:43:51

im more then happy to do it alone

lol i live online to

Longtalljosie Wed 05-Aug-09 05:57:31

Hi guys - I'm so sorry, Jodie, that your friends are being crap.

When I was 21 I was in the friend's position - my best friend became pregnant, it wasn't quite the same as we'd just graduated so we were at the other ends of the country anyway so wouldn't have really been meeting up regularly.

But I do remember feeling a bit insecure about it - it's a huge change to the dynamic of your friendship and I felt as though I was going to be left behind a bit. Fortunately I got over myself and (hopefully) didn't let it show, and we're still friends (cough) 14 years later.

If your friends really are being rubbish though, perhaps your best bet is to deal with them one-on-one, rather than as a group. As you get more knackered with the pregnancy you'll be more able to do that sort of thing anyway. How about things like the cinema, where it's not all based around booze?

And also - it is the case that some friends don't make the distance. As Erika says, you'll meet lots more people at things like mother and toddler groups.

As far as the baby's father goes, you may need to wait a bit. It probably won't seem real until there's an actual baby - he won't be going through everything you are so it's easy for him to pretend it's not happening. Don't let him bully you though, that's disgraceful.

LoveBeingAMummy Wed 05-Aug-09 06:46:48

It does happen to every age group I was 31 when got pg and used to find out about nights out that friend had gone on, even nights over, that I hadn't been told about let alone be invited too. I know its cause they knew i wouldn't be able to go, but just felt like i was being left out so know how you feel.

Have you tried speaking to your midwife and finding out if there are any local groups you could go to so you ahve someone to talk too in a similar position?

TakeLovingChances Wed 05-Aug-09 09:15:41

Hello ladies,

I am 24, 10 weeks preg with 1st child. Very happy as is DH.

I have told some friends, but a certain group of very flaky friends I am trying to hold off telling as I can picture their reactions already in my head.... not good.

They are all around the same age as me in this group, some are married like me. But they are so self-absorbed, they think people with children are mad. This really annoys me. DH and I planned this baby, but didn't tell them we were planning cuz we could picture their sour faces.

All the other friends we've told have been v happy and supportive.

To be honest, I think this pg has let me see who my real friends are. My relationship with the group I mentioned has been going downhill for a while, and their reaction when I tell them will be my deciding factor.

I haven't seen my midwife yet. I can't wait to see her next week and find out about local things for young pg people in my area.

It is quite a lonely time. Have all these feelings and hormones flying around and I'd like to be able to talk to someone my age who isn't my DH.

T

PortBlacksandResident Wed 05-Aug-09 09:31:10

I was 27 and married when i got pregnant with DS1 but most of my uni friends (even those in relationships) acted like i'd let them down in some way. Thing is <snurks evilly> - we're off now having a fab time with 8&6 year olds and they're knee deep in nappies.

TakeLovingChances Wed 05-Aug-09 10:19:48

Yeah, another thing is.... I'm about to start my 2nd year of my degree. The baby is due in March 2010, so I'm planning finish at Christmas or half-term. I haven't told my tutors this yet blush and I'm very sad about leaving my class group as I've got some great friends there. However, I trust they'll keep in contact with me, as some of them have kids too.

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 11:17:04

PortBlacksandResident that made me giggle

How are you feeling about things today, Jodie?

jodie87 Wed 05-Aug-09 13:21:52

still feeling a bit worried just spoke to one of my friends about feeling left out and all i got told was i was being stupid.....

meh....well am in the middle of planning a birthday night out for next week so will see who comes to that

ErikaMaye Wed 05-Aug-09 14:59:38

Bare in mind that its possible how you're feeling is being enhanced by your horomes, hun.

slushy06 Wed 05-Aug-09 17:05:56

Hi jodie I am sorry your friends are acting like this. I was 17 when I discovered I was pg and my friends did ditch me too even one who I had been best friends with since I was five.

Funnily the only friend that remained was my gay friend.

4 years on they still have not returned but we did try but to be honest I kind of found them boring to as they only wanted to talk about boys and getting drunk.

But now I have made lots of new friends and we are at the same stage in life and don't bore each other.

You will probably find them quite tiring after the baby arrives as they will expect you to want to go out all the time. Also if you turn down a few nights out they tend to stop asking. But things will get better even if they don't come back.

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